KNOWN
AS:
Outspoken
lesbian comedienne who also hosts BBC2's "Gaytime TV" and got her own
eponymous BBC1 sitcom in 2000.
INTRODUCTION:
Angus
said Cameron's greatest regret was that she once headbutted a policeman, as a
knee to the groin would have caused her much less pain.
BEST QUOTE:
On
Scotland beating an absent Estonia by default, she said: "They're playing
no-one, which is the only way they can win a game."
ANECDOTES: Told of how, as a child, she was her father's golf caddy.
GIVEN A HARD TIME? No.
OTHER OBSERVATIONS: None.
COMMENTS FROM THE WEBMASTER:
Bit
of a tough one for Cameron, as the other guest was nightclub guru Peter
Stringfellow, whose lifestyle and image earned him much attention and ribbing
from the three regulars, although Cameron did her best to join in, suggesting
that her fellow guest should become the next male model for "The Joy Of
Sex". She had a few half-decent lines and had clearly done her revision
with many of the stories, but in the end she was no match for the intrigue
surrounding Stringfellow.
MARKS OUT OF TEN: Six and a half.
SHOULD THEY INVITE HER BACK?
Yes,
and make sure for her sake, the other guest isn't quite so dominating.
APPEARED:
KNOWN AS:
Liverpudlian
actor, comedian, poet and TV host best known for playing Lister in BBC2 cult
sci-fi sitcom "Red Dwarf". Also
the host of BBC2's hi-tech battle show "Robot Wars".
INTRODUCTION:
Angus
said Charles had a terrible experience while on remand in Wandsworth prison -
someone mistook him for Gary Wilmot.
BEST QUOTE:
On
the Duchess of York losing her jewels at an airport, Charles said: "It's
the first time she's lost five stones."
ANECDOTES:
Admitted
that he used to steal fellow guest PJ O'Rourke's ideas in order to write his own
column for 'Time Out'.
GIVEN A HARD TIME?
Charles
had a tendency to rib people who had been cleared of crimes, which led Ian to
remind him that he should have more sympathy for them as Charles had himself
been recently acquitted of rape.
OTHER OBSERVATIONS:
He
has a highly annoying, falsetto giggle and chewed gum throughout the show.
It's difficult to tell, even on freeze frame, but he appeared to be
holding a roll-up cigarette during the Missing Words round.
COMMENTS FROM THE WEBMASTER:
Charles
was once introduced on another panel game as 'an annoying, lippy Scouser', which
was semi-correct. Lippy he is, but
with great effect, and despite the giggle, he was anything but annoying. He showed a perfect understanding of the need for acidic
comments and he was unafraid to bash anyone for the sake of a cheap laugh, even
when he was reminded by Ian that he was in a glass house of his own on that
score. He also was mainly
responsible for the Missing Words round being one of the funniest ever seen in
the show's history and even managed to make Ian corpse with a wonderfully silly
pun in the Caption Competition. A
fantastic guest.
MARKS OUT OF TEN: Nine and a half.
SHOULD THEY INVITE HIM BACK? It's astonishing that he hasn't been
already.
APPEARED:
KNOWN AS:
Homosexual comedian renowned for his unsubtle
double-entendres. Hosted
"Trick Or Treat" on ITV and has had a variety of shows on Channel 4.
Currently the latest face fronting the ads for Daz washing powder.
INTRODUCTION:
Angus said Clary was tipped as the new host of the
"Generation Game", so he could combine Bruce Forsyth's role with
Rosemarie Ford's costumes.
BEST
QUOTE:
During a pre-Missing Words round exchange with Ian, in
which his opponent said he had no intentions of 'starting on' him, Clary replied
sarcastically: "I'll try to hide my disappointment."
ANECDOTES: None.
GIVEN
A HARD TIME? No.
He wasn't given a hard anything...
OTHER
OBSERVATIONS:
As he and Paul are long-standing friends who have
written shows together, the two got on very well and cosily used their knowledge
of each other's styles to conjure up some great banter. He also nearly destroyed Angus's "Mr Sex" image by
claiming he couldn't see the attraction at all.
COMMENTS
FROM THE WEBMASTER:
Clary is either an outstanding comedian of great flair
and originality, or an infantile filthmonger, depending on your point of view.
On this occasion, the inevitable range of double-entendres were present,
though not as copiously as you would expect.
He answered the questions well, criticised Angus's looks and features,
cut Ian down to size, got on as well as ever with Paul and had an array of
splendid one-liners. What more could you ask?
MARKS
OUT OF TEN: Eight.
SHOULD
THEY INVITE HIM BACK? Clary will always prove good
value to make up for a poor news week, so yes.
KNOWN AS:
Actor
who gained instant public acclaim for his role as Gary Strang in BBC1 sitcom
"Men Behaving Badly". Has since directed and starred
in the feature film "Staggered", as well as a variety of other TV and
film roles.
INTRODUCTION:
First
time round, Angus said that Clunes behaved badly in 'Men Behaving Badly' and
staggered in 'Staggered' though failed the audition for
'Prick Up Your Ears'; on his second appearance, Angus said that since starring
in 'Men Behaving Badly', Clunes had received thousands of letters from women,
asking if he could pass them on to Neil Morrissey; third time round, Angus said
Clunes had recently sued for libel after being called a 'foulmouthed juvenile
with a limited command of language' and won the case with the defence 'it's
bollocks'; on his fourth appearance, Angus quoted Clunes saying that he was sick
of playing bastards, before looking around and stating he was doing it again.
BEST QUOTE:
On
the Chinese president's visit to the Globe Theatre, Clunes said: "I live
opposite, and I videoed it in case somebody shot him!"
ANECDOTES:
He
told of how ex-Tory chancellor Norman Lamont barged Clunes' heavily pregnant
wife out of the way while trying to sell his book, calling
him a "big turd" as a result. He also went into more detail
about how he posed for an artist in 1981 as an unknown actor, only for The
Mirror to publish the print when he became famous.
GIVEN A HARD TIME?
When
the picture Clunes posed for years ago was shown, three mock-ups of Clunes' face
were shown in the style of other artists. He
cringed when he saw his mugshot within the Mona Lisa, then giggled when he was
given a ladies wig and daubed in make-up for an Andy Warhol piece, and finally
hid his head in embarrassment when they showed his face super-imposed on a
naked, under-endowed statue in the style of Michelangelo.
OTHER OBSERVATIONS:
Clunes was one of the few guests to get follow-up publicity from one of his
appearances. As an acting team captain, he asked if he could smoke during
the show, a comment gleefully publicised in a press release by pro-smoking lobby
FOREST. He also ribbed Angus about a kiss-and-tell which appeared in a
tabloid in the same week as Clunes' first appearance - the episode in which
Angus was victimised more than in any other. Clunes is also the possessor
of a brilliant and frequent laugh, and a keen observational eye,
noticing that 'The Best Of Parkinson' book he and Ian were awarded as a
consolation prize for losing (Michael Parkinson was the other guest) had not
been bought by BBC budgets, but borrowed from a library! During his awesome yet
brief stint as a guest captain, he used the word 'cock' in the genital sense
twice, and was not censored, surprisingly.
COMMENTS FROM THE WEBMASTER:
A fantastic comedy actor, Clunes came across as a truly natural performer when
playing himself and while not loaded with great one-liners, created a few laughs
and told some good stories. As a man who has guested four times (albeit
once as guest captain when Paul took his break) it is clear that the show's
producers like him, and it isn't difficult to see why.
MARKS OUT OF TEN: Seven and a half; nine; eight; seven and a half
for his fourth.
SHOULD THEY INVITE HIM BACK? Yes. And they almost certainly
will
Peter
COOK (Deceased)
APPEARED:
KNOWN AS:
Eccentric
comedian and raconteur, one of the pioneers of the satire boom of the 1960s and
co-founder of Private Eye. Died of an intestinal haemorrhage in 1995 at the age of 57.
INTRODUCTION:
First
time round, Angus quoted Cook as saying he would love to play a bastard, so he
was in luck as he had the chance to play two of them; no details of his second
appearance.
BEST QUOTE:
During
an Odd One Out round he claimed ex-US first lady Jackie Onassis was "the
only one who can't remember where she was when Kennedy got shot."
ANECDOTES: None.
GIVEN A HARD TIME? No.
OTHER OBSERVATIONS:
Cook's
eccentricity was plain for all to see during his two appearances, which were
recorded very close to each other. First
time round he was talkative, bubbly and on form, yet he was surprisingly quiet
when he re-appeared the following series.
COMMENTS FROM THE WEBMASTER:
Cook
was one of British comedy's most-loved legends and it was a sad loss when he
died so young. He combined a brilliant mixture of utter eccentricity with a
child-like naive streak and awesome brain power in his use of imagery and
vocabulary. As a hero and colleague
of Ian's, he had him in stitches when they were paired together and had some of
the best comic delivery and timing ever seen on the show, a testament to just
how much of an icon to British culture he was.
Sadly missed but never forgotten.
MARKS OUT OF TEN: Nine;
unable to score his second appearance.
APPEARED:
KNOWN AS:
Scottish comedy actor who co-starred in the airborne sitcom, "The High Life".
INTRODUCTION: Angus
quoted Cumming as saying he had had such a varied career
because he gets bored easily, so if Paul is sitting next to an empty chair in
ten minutes we'd know why.
BEST QUOTE: Talking about a celebrity party he attended, he said:
"Prince Edward walked in and I got really excited, because behind him was
Bianca from 'EastEnders'."
ANECDOTES: The above story about the celebrity party, to which there was
little more to tell.
GIVEN A HARD TIME? Not
directly, though he showed amused disbelief when an entire round was devoted to
his early career as a photo-illustration model.
OTHER OBSERVATIONS: He seemed highly overdressed. Also provided a unique element to his appearance when he
introduced hand-made puppets of the Queen Mother and Vera Lynn, using VE Day
anniversary photographs, with which he then did his own miniature show.
COMMENTS FROM THE WEBMASTER: A versatile and talented performer, Cumming
never said anything enormously funny but didn't need to. He had a sparkly originality and gentle drollness which put
fellow guest Steve Wright - perhaps more renowned for humour - firmly in the
shade. The introduction of his
puppets seemed to amuse all, including Paul, and he provided some not
necessarily needed - but nonetheless welcome - light relief to the show with
this original piece of ingenuity.
MARKS OUT OF TEN: Eight.
SHOULD THEY INVITE HIM BACK? Yes.
APPEARED:
KNOWN AS:
Charming
and blokey stand-up comedian and the eponymous hero in BBC1's illusionist drama
"Jonathan Creek."
INTRODUCTION:
First time round, Angus quoted Julian Clary as saying
that Davies had "a lovely complexion when you see him close-up" though
this time to camera will be focusing on his face; on his second appearance,
Angus said Davies had been described as "one of the most attractive things
to come out of Essex", putting him right up there with Bradwell nuclear
power station; no intro for his third appearance; on his fourth appearance,
Angus quoted Davies as saying he never did topical or political material, so
another great booking there; fifth time round, Angus said Davies once worked as
a magician, so if anyone could help Ian overturn Paul's lead of 5-2 it was him.
BEST QUOTE:
On
a man who had an operation to remove a rubber from his nose, Davies said:
"Every time he scratched his nose he forgot something."
ANECDOTES: None.
GIVEN A HARD TIME?
Conservative
MP Rupert Allason playfully threatened to sue him, to which Davies replied:
"You can't sue me, I'm the captain!" He also told a helium-related
joke in a high-voice which got no laughs whatsoever, though it's rare a Davies
gag dies like that. Ian also hit back when Davies said Pluto was very dull
Disney character, claiming that Mickey Mouse was hardly multi-layered and
interesting.
OTHER OBSERVATIONS:
Twice pulled off a neat trick of getting a laugh and a
round of applause without saying anything, when in his second appearance, after
Ian happily announced "the end of the Government" following a bad
night in the local elections, Davies raised his arms in triumph and smiled,
sparking applause from the audience. It also happened when he thrice did a
visual impression of a squirrel. Although a devout Socialist, he also got on
very well with Allason during his one episode as a guest captain. He is
also one of only two guests to appear twice in the same series, albeit with an
appearance as one of Paul's replacements. His last appearance was his most
low-key.
COMMENTS FROM THE WEBMASTER:
At the time of his earlier appearances, Davies was
still a fringe comedian on a steady rise in the popularity stakes, and now he is
one of the most recognisable figures on TV and has an enormous profile and
respect as both a comedian and actor, and, judging from his performances on the
show, it is anything but a surprise. Charming, down-to-earth and friendly,
he looked totally relaxed on the show and had his gags of the week pinpointed
beautifully. He only made one appearance as a guest captain but he was an
ideal choice, and should Paul ever decide to leave, he would again be an ideal
choice to become a regular, though with the rate he is getting work on stage and
screen, his availability would be in question. That is a benchmark to just
how brilliant he is.
MARKS OUT OF TEN:
Eight;
eight and a half; nine; eight and a half; seven.
SHOULD THEY INVITE HIM BACK? Frequently.
APPEARED:
KNOWN AS:
London-born
socialist comedian. Co-hosted BBC
Radio 1's topical panel show "Loose Talk", which he later presented
alone for BBC2.
INTRODUCTION:
Angus
reeled off a list of expressions - comedian, raconteur, humourist - and added
that Day could spell other words too.
BEST QUOTE:
When
fellow guest Edwina Currie complained about the scores, Day hit back:
"We've got more points because you've got a Tory MP on your team."
ANECDOTES: None.
GIVEN A HARD TIME? No.
OTHER OBSERVATIONS:
Day
is another guest who possesses a brilliant laugh.
He also had a dig at Paul during the Missing Words round for being too
picky with one of Ian's answers.
COMMENTS FROM THE WEBMASTER:
At
the time of his appearance, Day was starting to make a name for himself as an
uncompromising comic on "Loose Talk" though while he dominated that
show many times, he was unable to stamp any real authority on his first
high-profile TV appearance. A proud Socialist, he had opportunities to ridicule Currie
but rarely took them and in the end, struggled through with only the occasional
funny line until he rescued himself in the Missing Words round.
However, he answered the questions well and helped Ian to what was a rare
victory for that series.
MARKS OUT OF TEN: Six and a half.
SHOULD THEY INVITE HIM BACK?
Definitely.
He is now one of the foremost comics of his generation and would go down
a storm, providing it is the right sort of news week for his brand of material.
KNOWN AS:
Award-winning
deadpan comedian, recently branched out into acting in TV dramas and West End
productions.
INTRODUCTION:
Angus
mentioned that Dee had presented that week's "Top Of The Pops" which
meant he shared a studio with glamorous physiques and youthful talents - how
life can change in 24 hours.
BEST QUOTE:
Said
that an MP who resigned after gay allegations was leaving "to spend more
time with his solicitor".
ANECDOTES: None.
GIVEN A HARD TIME?
Angus
asked everyone else on the panel if they had watched the footage of the Channel
Tunnel's opening on TV, apart from Dee. He
complained that as it was his first time on the programme, he thought it would
have been polite to get him involved, and offered to leave the studio there and
then.
OTHER OBSERVATIONS:
For
a man not renowned for his happy smiley features, Dee did a lot of smiling on a
day when Paul and his guest Tony Hawks were in good form.
COMMENTS FROM THE WEBMASTER:
A
brilliant live comedian and social commentator, Dee struggled to live up to that
reputation on the show. While he
was his usual cutting and very funny self when in full melancholy mode, he had
very little to actually say about the stories put in front of him.
A worryingly quiet performance.
MARKS OUT OF TEN: Six.
SHOULD THEY INVITE HIM BACK?
Yes, as everyone knows he is capable of totally dominating a show if in the mood.
KNOWN
AS:
One half of duo Punt & Dennis who shot to fame as sidekicks to Jasper
Carrott and then formed part of the original quartet on "The Mary
Whitehouse Experience", first on BBC Radio 1, then on BBC2.
Provided many voices on puppet satire show "Spitting Image" and
has starred in a variety of radio comedies.
Last seen playing a doctor in BBC1 sitcom "My Hero" and is a
regular voice on commercials.
INTRODUCTION:
First
time round, Angus said Dennis kept a pen and paper by the bath in case he got
inspiration, so they provided him with a loofah and a bottle of shower gel; on
his second appearance, Angus claimed that Dennis was sick of being referred to
as the son of the Bishop of Bury St.Edmund's, though not half as sick as the
Bishop was of being referred to as the father of that bloke off the telly who
goes "milky milky" a lot; third time round, Angus said Dennis had
talked like a goldfish, dressed like a moose and pretended to be a yellow
M&M and talking drayhorse, but only after he had been in the toilet with
Will Self.
BEST QUOTE:
On the mystery first rollover Lottery winner, Dennis said: "All we know is
he's Asian and he doesn't want anyone to know who he is or where he lives, which
means it must be Salman Rushdie."
ANECDOTES:
In
his third appearance, Dennis revealed that he and fellow guest Will Self were at
school in Barnet together, and played in the rugby team, meaning that Dennis
regularly had to stick his head next to Self's bottom.
GIVEN A HARD TIME?
Was not over-happy when Ian revealed that his father was a bishop, though the
subject soon passed.
Also looked uneasy when he was forced by Angus to reveal his real name
was Peter.
When Angus dubiously shared the points for a question that Ian got right,
Dennis blurted out "I hardly think that's fair."
OTHER OBSERVATIONS:
Despite making a lucrative living out of impressions, he never once mimicked
another voice.
He also managed to cure his frustration at not getting the full quota of
points he thought he deserved by uttering the expression "F***ing
bollocks".
He was censored.
COMMENTS FROM THE WEBMASTER:
Dennis is now one of the most familiar voices on television and with comedy
partner Steve Punt got a much better press from "The Mary Whitehouse
Experience" than their colleagues Baddiel & Newman, yet their scripts
were always so tightly prepared and delivered that it was interesting to see how
he got on with spontaneity.
He let no-one down and was concise in answering questions while still
cracking the gags.
Was particularly astute in coming up with good answers in the Missing
Words round.
MARKS OUT OF TEN: Eight; seven; eight.
SHOULD THEY INVITE HIM BACK?
Probably done enough three times over, so best leave him be now.
Though his partner Punt is yet to appear - maybe they should ask him.
KNOWN AS: Forthright comedian and actor.
INTRODUCTION:
Angus said that Dexter gave up
training as a barrister before becoming a comedian, so either way it was only a
matter of time before he ran into Ian Hislop.
BEST QUOTE: On the Eurovision Song Contest, he said: "I think it's a
sort of touchstone for your life because if you find yourself actually watching
it, you know you're a sad bastard. I was actually watching it last
week!"
ANECDOTES: None.
GIVEN A HARD TIME? No.
OTHER OBSERVATIONS:
His John Major impression was
the best ever heard on the show by someone not employed as a mimic.
COMMENTS FROM THE WEBMASTER:
Poor old Dexter was given a
real baptism of fire when he appeared. He rarely said anything but it
wasn't his fault at all, as the other guest was Piers Morgan, the controversial
editor of the Daily Mirror, and just about all of the show was spent with Morgan
trying to defend himself against the criticisms, ridicules and accusations
thrown at him by Angus, Ian and guest captain Clive Anderson. Dexter,
probably wisely, decided to stay well out of it and only speak when he really
needed to. He is a fine comic and a great raconteur, but blamelessly got
no opportunity to show it.
MARKS OUT OF TEN: Six.
SHOULD THEY INVITE HIM BACK? Yes. He deserves a second chance.
KNOWN
AS:
Prolific writer of comedy sketches and plays, also co-wrote and starred in
Channel 4 sketch show "Absolutely" and hosted his own chat show on
Channel 5.
INTRODUCTION:
First time round, Angus ran through Docherty's CV for "Absolutely" and
"Mr Don & Mr George" in an unfunny intro, made amusing by an
identical one for fellow guest and comedy partner Moray Hunter; on his second
appearance, Angus said Docherty was a writer and comedian who would shortly be
disappearing from our screens as he was going to be presenting a daily chat show
on Channel 5; third time round, Angus said Docherty was Channel 5's new chat
show host who had just received his first pair of knickers through the post,
though what he ordered from the Freeman's catalogue was his own business.
BEST QUOTE:
When he didn't know an answer in a Film Clips round, Docherty said: "It's
that thing that happened this week in the place it was happening when it was
happening at the time it happened, and it was reported by people who were
interested in it and it became an item on the news, as I understand you call
it."
ANECDOTES: None.
GIVEN A HARD TIME? When he appeared with dyed blond hair on his second
appearance, Ian said something was "amazing but true.
Like your hair."
OTHER OBSERVATIONS:
Docherty first appeared in a week when Ian had just had to shell out a fortune
in libel damages, so his guest dipped into his pocket and handed over a pile of
£20 notes.
And he is Scottish, remember.
He also was unafraid to join in the jibes about Channel 5 being
untraceable in many households, despite the fact that he worked for them and his
boss Greg Dyke was sitting opposite.
First time round he was dark haired, then he went blond and bearded for
his second appearance, before returning to his natural look for his final
appearance.
COMMENTS FROM THE WEBMASTER:
Docherty had some good moments and was certainly more boisterous and involved
than his writing and performing partner Hunter when they appeared together.
Ian seemed to enjoy having him there, not least because he handed over
some hard-earned cash to help his forcibly skint team captain.
The running joke about Ian's unfortunate loss in the High Court that week
totally dominated that show, therefore Docherty was unable to make a lasting
impact, though he made up for that on his subsequent two appearances, with his
carefree and contentious remarks providing some good mirth from the audience and
fellow participants.
A decent guest, but not quite spectacular.
MARKS OUT OF TEN: Seven and a half; eight; eight.
SHOULD THEY INVITE HIM BACK?
Yes, if only to see how his battle of wits with Ian goes after Private Eye
slagged off his talk show, which was eventually axed.
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