APPEARED:
KNOWN AS:
A
television critic for broadsheet newspapers and occasional host of BBC2's
press-review show "What The Papers Say"
INTRODUCTION:
Angus
played on Aaronovitch's desire to rule out media nepotism by pointing out that
his two brothers are an actor and a TV scriptwriter respectively.
BEST QUOTE:
When
shown a clip of Rupert Murdoch with a life-sized model of his Fox TV creation
Bart Simpson, he remarked: "The one with the yellow skin is Rupert
Murdoch".
ANECDOTES: None.
GIVEN A HARD TIME? No.
OTHER OBSERVATIONS: One of the few people who had cause to correct Ian on
something, when he pointed out that Pythagoras was NOT responsible for a
philosophical theory which Ian had suggested during an elitist Odd One Out
round.
COMMENTS FROM THE WEBMASTER: Aaronovitch was concise and possessed a dry
wit and a sharp brain, which rendered him incapable of being taunted in any way
by the three regulars. His unsubtle correction of Ian on a highbrow subject,
something which happens rarely in the show, proved his genuine confidence on the
programme and he emerged from the recording with respect. He had some good
one-liners, particularly in the Missing Words round. Not much banter between him
and Paul, but that could just as easily be down to a poor news week giving Paul
little inspiration.
MARKS OUT OF TEN: Eight.
SHOULD THEY INVITE HIM BACK? Yes. He had a cutting edge to his
personality which good guests need.
APPEARED:
KNOWN AS:
The
first ever political editor of the magazine for the modern woman, Cosmopolitan.
Unsure as to whether she still holds that role.
INTRODUCTION:
Angus mentioned her role at Cosmopolitan and added that her most famous article was entitled "Labour Transport Policy and the Multiple Orgasm".
BEST QUOTE: None.
ANECDOTES: None.
GIVEN A HARD TIME? No.
OTHER OBSERVATIONS:
Difficult
to make any. She was very, very quiet in terms of her quantity of contributions
and her actual voice. Realised her role was to give considered answers and let
Paul crack the gags.
COMMENTS FROM THE WEBMASTER:
To
be fair, Abdela wasn't the only quiet one on this episode. The news stories from
that week were unmemorable and all three regulars had, in comparison to the
classic episodes, a bad day at the studio, with only fellow guest Maureen Lipman
saving the show from utter obscurity. One would expect someone who has to
combine politics with women's issues in a no-holds-barred magazine like
Cosmopolitan to be sharp and flamboyant. Either Abdela was a bag of nerves or
she only possesses those attributes in print.
MARKS OUT OF TEN:
Five.
At least she did get the questions right, and considering Paul's
competitiveness, that is a good thing.
SHOULD THEY INVITE HER BACK? No.
APPEARED:
KNOWN AS:
A
former ITN newsreader, she had just quit as hostess of GMTV after the
much-publicised "F-Factor" argument. Has not been seen on TV for some
time and her present employment circumstances are unknown.
INTRODUCTION:
Billed
by Angus as a "battle of the breakfasts", as Ian was joined by Chris
Evans, he then declared that although Armstrong famously wouldn't show wear
short skirts on TV, it didn't stop the other guests on the show.
BEST QUOTE:
Never
said anything outlandishly funny, though she did complete a headline "Group
4 want to run..." with "away and hide". However, she did laugh a
hell of a lot at the other participants' gags, with Paul enjoying one of his
particularly good days.
ANECDOTES:
She
revealed that at the height of the F-Factor debate, her fellow guest Evans had
been round to her house with the "Big Breakfast" cameras and shouted
through her letterbox, which Evans denied under a huge grin.
GIVEN A HARD TIME?
To
an extent, though she smiled her way through it after an Odd One Out round
concerning broadcast of the F-word, in which Armstrong featured as the odd one.
Attempts were made by Paul to get her to utter the obscenity in order to alter
the answer as "it's worth a point". Armstrong seriously considered it
but in the end, refrained from doing so.
OTHER OBSERVATIONS:
Answered
the questions very well and was unafraid to shake off the sensible image which
newsreaders have to portray by laughing frequently and loudly.
COMMENTS FROM THE WEBMASTER:
Certainly
one of the best-looking contestants to appear on the show, Armstrong upped her
credibility stakes enormously with a polished performance in which it was clear
she was genuinely having fun, proved by her whooping response to the news that
she and Paul had won the quiz. She even kissed him as the subsequent applause
rang out. At the time, opinion was divided on whether she was right to kick up a
stink about GMTV's request that she show more thigh and cleavage in her role as
anchorwoman, so she needed to perform well. Had she given in to Paul's pressure
and blurted out the F-word – which she came very close to doing – her
credibility would have risen even higher. Her presence on TV is sorely missed.
MARKS OUT OF TEN: Seven. Ten had she been braver with the F-word.
SHOULD THEY INVITE HER BACK?
Yes,
if only to see that smile again and to get her back on national television.
APPEARED:
KNOWN AS:
A writer and broadcaster for an ever-changing selection of newspapers and radio
stations, usually as a self-styled 'fans champion' of football. Also
presented his own TV talk show and wrote and presented "TV Heroes" for
the BBC, a selection of ten minute programmes celebrating cult figures in
modern-day popular culture. Has
released many videos about the hapless side of sport.
INTRODUCTION:
First time round, Angus said Baker was both a comedian and a football fan, and
to prove it, he supported Millwall; on his second appearance, Angus went through
Peter Cook's entire CV on the grounds that there wasn't time to change the intro
after Baker was brought in as a late replacement for Cook, who had pulled out
just before recording; third time round, Angus said
Baker made a name for himself with his own goals and gaffes, which include
"Pets Win Prizes" and his Daz commercials..
BEST QUOTE:
In his first appearance, a question about water shortage was being discussed and
Baker said: "I did my own bit for irrigation round the back of the studio
just before we came on the air."
ANECDOTES:
Baker gave a long and argumentative speech about the true nature of his
influence on football star Paul Gascoigne and also managed to reveal that Angus
took private jets from London to watch Manchester United at Old Trafford.
Baker also said that the Spice Girls appeared on TFI Friday, a show he
writes, two weeks before Geri split and gave no sign of the impending spat,
adding that Geri thought he was brainbox taxi driver Fred Housego.
GIVEN A HARD TIME?
Not at all on the first two occasions, but was shot down relentlessly on his
third and final appearance over his influence on fallen England footballer Paul
Gascoigne. He responded well on
this subject which was particularly important to him, and emerged from it with a
sense of justice about his supposed role in Gascoigne's demise.
OTHER OBSERVATIONS:
Baker is similar to Paul in that he speaks down to earth no-nonsense English and
has an authority on subjects that matter to the core rather than the elite, such
as football, music and TV. When
told by Angus to explain to Ian who Sinead O'Connor was, Baker relented from
stating that she was an Irish musician of dubious religious background, instead
famously deciding to describe her as "a cow who can't sing a note.”
Was overjoyed when he got an Odd One Out round question right, as he said
he had watched every episode of the show and could never get one.
COMMENTS FROM THE WEBMASTER:
Baker has always been a love-him or loathe-him figure and it is difficult to
make a decision on which it is when analysing his three appearances.
He is often screamingly funny yet just as often incredibly irritating,
conceited and unreasonable, emphasised by his heroic but fruitless attempt to
defend his decision to have heavy drinking sessions with Paul Gascoigne when the
player should have been gearing himself up to spearhead England's bid to win the
World Cup, resulting in Gascoigne's shock omission from the squad.
Baker claimed that Gascoigne's absence ("the worst sporting decision
since Caligula married his horse") would seriously deplete England's
chances, which was admittedly true (even famed football loather Ian looked
semi-convinced) but ruined it by absurdly claiming that coach Glenn Hoddle had
left Gascoigne out because he was a snob, something which Paul quickly picked up
on with devastating effect. This
sort of droning from Baker is his Achilles heel, but once this subject matter
changed he was back to his brilliant self.
He had many moments in his first two appearances when he was biting and
cunning in what he said, and got his fair share of laughs.
MARKS OUT OF TEN: Eight, seven and eight.
SHOULD HE BE INVITED BACK? Yes,
particularly if football is on the agenda.
KNOWN AS:
Presenter
of the BBC1 social and moral issues show "Heart Of The Matter". Has
had a long and distinguished career in television.
INTRODUCTION:
Angus
decided that all the moral and social problems which are discussed on her show
were all her fault.
BEST QUOTE:
When
facing an Odd One Out round about people who own exotic pets, she claimed that
Paddy Ashdown's illicit lover Tricia Howard "has BEEN an exotic pet."
ANECDOTES:
None.
Again, her life has been remarkably normal considering her long, high-profile
career in television. At the time, the show had more questions and less banter.
GIVEN A HARD TIME? Not at all.
OTHER OBSERVATIONS:
Like
newsreaders, Bakewell's image on TV is rather serious and stuffy owing to the
type of programmes she hosts, so this was a good opportunity to see her lighter
side, which we did. She was unafraid to giggle at some rather feeble sexual
innuendoes flying across the studio about a new soft-porn magazine for women,
nor did she refrain from laughing at some of Paul's more daring headline
completions. She was great fun.
COMMENTS FROM THE WEBMASTER:
Bakewell
performed admirably and showed that despite her career path, she was still in
touch and at ease with a brand of humour her own shows would blush at. With
Angus, Paul and fellow guest Donna McPhail all coming out with some coarse
jokes, this was one of the filthiest and funniest episodes of them all and
Bakewell laughed along with the rest of us while even making the odd saucy
comment of her own.
MARKS OUT OF TEN: Eight.
SHOULD THEY INVITE HER BACK? Yes. She came across very well.
KNOWN
AS: Showbiz
reporter for the Daily Mail, a job he holds to this day.
INTRODUCTION:
Angus
claimed that Bamigboye didn't sleep around to get on the show, which was
surprising as he was a Royal Family member, albeit of a tribe in Africa.
BEST QUOTE:
When
discussing the curse of Hello! magazine, he said: "I can't think what's
gone wrong for Jane Seymour, mind you it's US that suffer with Jane
Seymour."
ANECDOTES: None.
GIVEN A HARD TIME?
Slapped
down by Ian after he mentioned that Denis Thatcher didn't have a beard during an
Odd One Out round about people, including Margaret Thatcher, who refused to have
bearded men working for them. Ian snapped back: "No, he wasn't in the
Cabinet. You stick to showbiz, Baz."
OTHER OBSERVATIONS:
Has
quite possibly the most ridiculous laugh that any contestant on the show has
possessed, and also sweated profusely.
COMMENTS FROM THE WEBMASTER:
Bamigboye
did well as his penchant for writing glossy showbiz gossip, coupled with his
tribal heritage and his initial nerves as the show started could have had him
ritually slaughtered by one or more of the regulars. But his charisma and
enthusiasm and all-round niceness saved him, along with the small matter of
Caroline Quentin being the other guest, with her playful sniping with
then-husband Paul becoming the dominant feature of the programme. As the insults
flew, Bamigboye simply took a back seat and laughed.
MARKS OUT OF TEN: Six.
SHOULD HE BE INVITED BACK? Yes,
providing the other guest isn't related to a team captain.
KNOWN
AS:
Journalist and broadcaster for a variety of organisations, and the sister of
Cherie Blair.
INTRODUCTION:
Angus said that Booth was determined to be known as a broadcaster in her own
right and not known simply for who she is related to, so please welcome Cherie
Blair's sister...
BEST QUOTE:
She objected strongly to the Dome, saying it was an obvious waste of money. When
Ian asked why she was the only member of the family who saw it was obvious, she
replied: "I was the only one who wasn't asked."
ANECDOTES:
Revealed reluctantly she used to be an agony aunt for a lads mag called Front,
where she was known as Luscious Lauzza. Also told a great story of how she got
even with an undesirable boyfriend by filling a pepper mill with rabbit
droppings and watched him grate them all over the meal he had just ordered her
to cook.
GIVEN A HARD TIME?
A little playful jibing about her high-profile family was inevitably aimed at
her, but she laughed it off. Looked utterly aghast at a joke from Angus which
suggested that Bill Clinton could have been baby Leo's father.
OTHER OBSERVATIONS:
None.
COMMENTS FROM THE WEBMASTER:
Booth was always going to get some form of rough ride when she agreed to appear,
as she is the nearest that the show will ever get to a Blair guesting, certainly
for as long as her brother in law is in power. Quite clearly she had little
interest in politics as such, therefore it was quickly established that any
goading or questioning of her family's activities would be pointless and crass,
and she settled down to put in a reasonable display in what was not an episode
high on humour. And she was certainly one of the most glamorous looking women to
appear - our thoroughly enjoyable research into the sexiness of female guests
concludes that she was the best looking female to appear since Stephanie
Calman's sultry features and winning smile of 1992. Shallow? Absolutely. Hope
she never cuts her hair.
MARKS OUT OF TEN:
Eight.
SHOULD THEY INVITE HER BACK?
Depends on how long her family remain in power. A second guesting may be in
order once Tony has left Downing Street. Maybe they should go for Euan in a
couple of years' time.
APPEARED:
KNOWN AS:
Anchorman
for the BBC's flagship sports programme "Grandstand" in the 70s and
80s and one of the original BBC Breakfast Time team. His colourful private life
is also well-documented. His current employment situation is unknown.
INTRODUCTION:
Angus
satirised one of Bough's famous gaffes by saying "Would you please bough
Frank Welcome."
BEST QUOTE: Hard to find one, really.
ANECDOTES:
If
ever someone needed to tell a tale, it was Bough, particularly when his
much-publicised cocaine-taking, stockings-wearing shenanigans had been regularly
referred to by Angus in previous shows. But the chance for him to explain
himself never happened.
GIVEN A HARD TIME?
It
seemed as though Bough was going to escape having references to his private life
mentioned, until an Odd One Out round where a picture of a mystery woman's
stocking-clad legs were shown and fellow guest Jo Brand said: "It could
have been you Frank, at one point." Bough said he would let the libel pass,
only for Ian to retort that it was only libel if it was untrue. Bough smiled
awkwardly and sensibly left it there, not wanting to dig a deeper hole for
himself.
OTHER OBSERVATIONS:
None,
really. He answered the questions concisely without trying to be funny, which
was to his credit as he isn't employed as a gag-meister.
COMMENTS FROM THE WEBMASTER:
It
beggars belief that he was invited on to the programme, and even more so that he
actually accepted the invitation. Angus had used every possible route in
previous shows to crack cheap gags about lingerie and bondage gear at the
expense of Bough, and suddenly there was his grinning face on the programme.
Obviously he had taken the right attitude which all regular targets of
"Have I Got News For You" should take - that it's all harmless fun and
keeps your name in the public eye, something which Bough needed as he hadn't
been on TV for some time. He was anything but spectacular but deserves
admiration for braving the biting tongues, even though Ian - who had criticised
Angus previously for constantly having a swipe at Bough - was the only one to
mention his shady past. Notably, Angus failed to mention whips, chains and
women's underwear once. Was he sparing his guest's blushes or being a
coward? The question will remain unanswered.
MARKS OUT OF TEN: Six for his performance, ten for his courage.
SHOULD HE BE INVITED BACK? Well, that depends on whether you want
to see him suffer again. A reasonable person would say no.
KNOWN
AS:
Long-time foreign correspondent for the BBC, renowned for his reports from war
zones, before becoming the anchorman for BBC Breakfast News.
INTRODUCTION:
Angus said Bowen was a BBC news reporter who had been compared to Des Lynam, so
he could be an ITV news reporter by the end of the show.
BEST QUOTE:
On being told of a Sicilian news channel where the anchorman is kissed by four
female strippers during his bulletin, Bowen said: "Sounds like a good
job!"
ANECDOTES:
Not really anecdotes, but did reveal that he said 'it's too close to call'
rather a lot when covering the American election. Also freely told that he has
been regularly shot at by extremists of all war-torn countries from where has
sent reports.
GIVEN A HARD TIME?
No.
OTHER OBSERVATIONS:
Happily left the jokes to the others.
COMMENTS FROM THE WEBMASTER:
Bowen is an outstanding reporter but a misplaced anchorman, and he is being
totally wasted in a studio each morning when his skills are better deployed
elsewhere. He was afforded a good deal of respect from the other participants
and did nothing to dispel his reputation as someone who is smooth and
unflappable. He didn't say anything of great laughworthy value but didn't need
to. He was frank and detailed in his answering and had a good giggle at Paul
alongside him. His prowess in the Missing Words round very nearly brought a
victory which looked highly unlikely earlier. A good, solid guest, proving once
again that TV news reporters have a sense of humour which is more than willing
to come out in the right circumstances.
MARKS OUT OF TEN:
Eight.
SHOULD THEY INVITE HIM BACK?
Yes.
APPEARED:
KNOWN AS:
Arts
boffin who produces and presents "The South Bank Show".
Famed Labour supporter, later to be appointed a peer by Tony Blair.
INTRODUCTION:
Angus
said that as LWT's Head of Arts Programmes, Bragg had made the company's
cultural output what it was today - one hour a week.
BEST QUOTE:
When
asked how his meeting that week with John Major had been, Bragg replied:
"Brief!"
ANECDOTES:
None.
GIVEN A HARD TIME?
Quite
a lot. As Mike Yarwood was on the
opposite team, the show introduced a one-off 'Impressionometer' and Ian, not one
for impersonating other people, decided that Bragg would have to mimic Harold
Wilson, Eddie Waring, and himself. He took it on the chin, realising that he had to join in to
gain respect, and did quite well in all three.
He also buried his head in his hands after Angus read an explicit piece
of prose from one of his novels which had won a literary award for bad sex.
OTHER OBSERVATIONS:
Bragg has the widest grin ever seen on the show.
COMMENTS FROM THE WEBMASTER:
Bragg
represents a stuffier side of television, with his critical analyses of the more
highbrow personalities in the arts world, so he needed to show a lighter side to
his image when he appeared, and he did it in bucket loads.
He was witty, charming, down to earth, and, more importantly, proved he
was game for a laugh and some self-ridicule.
The Impressionometer round would have been a nightmare for many a guest
sitting alongside Ian, but Bragg was brilliant.
It was a great performance all round, in one of the many episodes which
could go down as a classic.
MARKS OUT OF TEN:
Nine.
SHOULD THEY INVITE HIM BACK?
He is now politically ennobled, so he would get a fair bit of stick from Ian. But he proved he could handle it once, so why not again?
KNOWN
AS: Long-standing political editor of ITN until his
retirement just after the Millennium.
INTRODUCTION:
Angus said Brunson was a journalist who spent most of
his career on ITV, so forgive him if he wandered off for a break halfway through
the show.
BEST QUOTE:
After featuring in an Odd One Out round which inspired
some ribbing from fellow guest Richard Wilson, Brunson said: "Let us get
this on the record. I do not have a
drink problem, I do not have haemorrhoids, and I have never, EVER, kissed
Margaret Thatcher!"
ANECDOTES:
In a long debate about supposed elitism at Oxford,
Brunson revealed that he was taught Theology there by David Jenkins, later to
become a controversial Bishop of Durham. He
also was at university with Esther Rantzen.
There were no real anecdotes about his long career as a political editor.
GIVEN A HARD TIME?
Wilson's comments about the supposed drink problem and
anal disorders made Brunson come out with the above quote, though whether he was
genuinely annoyed by them is difficult to tell. However, he had reason to be annoyed by Wilson, a renowned
Labour supporter, who told Brunson that he always suspected that he leaned
towards the right as a political journalist, something which Ian later repeated.
Brunson was also ridiculed for his known hatred of technical troubles,
when his voice was heliumized and his face started rolling up and down the
screen. In truth though, he took
everything on the chin.
OTHER OBSERVATIONS: He thought Paul was outlandishly funny.
COMMENTS FROM THE WEBMASTER:
Brunson was a highly-respected political reporter and
one of the most recognisable faces in TV journalism when he quit, but unlike his
successor at ITN, the charismatic John Sergeant, he had never been seen on TV as
himself before. He didn't
disappoint, cracking a few gags and showing a good understanding of the show,
even managing to pre-empt a shot of him falling over when trying to question
Jonathan Aitken. He was given a
fair bit of stick from the other team, though it was all light-hearted, and he
had every reason to leave the studio pleased with his display.
MARKS OUT OF TEN: Seven and a half.
SHOULD THEY INVITE HIM BACK?
He'll never be as sharp or daring as Sergeant, but he has enough charisma and humour to work well on the show again, so why not?
APPEARED:
KNOWN AS:
Unflappable
BBC news anchorman, who previously won praise for his gut-wrenching reports in
the mid-80s from Ethiopia at the height of the famine.
INTRODUCTION:
Angus
revealed Buerk's claim that he once read the Nine O'Clock News while wearing
thigh-length green waders, so tonight he was in fishnet tights and cami-knickers.
BEST QUOTE:
In
the Caption Competition, Buerk was shown a limousine covered in forks and said:
"It's the only BMW where the pricks are on the outside."
ANECDOTES: None.
GIVEN A HARD TIME? No.
OTHER OBSERVATIONS:
Nothing
major to speak of. He seemed quite competitive, accusing Angus of changing the
rules halfway through the show.
COMMENTS FROM THE WEBMASTER:
Buerk
has always seemed the most human of all the major newsreaders on TV, and this
image was well projected throughout his appearance. He laughed along with even
the most risqué jokes and answered the questions with a good deal of comment -
something which newsreaders famously cannot do in the day job - and generally
came across as a fun guy, though was arguably too quiet compared to some of his
contemporaries who have appeared. Maybe he lacked in confidence.
MARKS OUT OF TEN: Seven.
SHOULD THEY INVITE HIM BACK? An earth-shattering news week would put
Buerk in the spotlight, so yes.
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