APPEARED:
KNOWN
AS:
Former USA correspondent for the BBC, now a regular anchorman on
the corporation's digital station BBC News 24.
INTRODUCTION:
Angus said that Esler had brought us more steamy sex stories than anyone else on
TV - in his capacity as the BBC's Washington correspondent.
BEST QUOTE:
On a story that porn was interrupting the BBC's digital news service, he said:
"The only complaint we've had is that news occasionally interrupts the
pornography."
ANECDOTES:
Told a brilliant story about how he was in a Wyoming cafe with a BBC producer
who was scared of eating beef, who asked the waitress what she would recommend
for someone who doesn't eat beef. She replied: 'Well son, I recommend you get
out of Wyoming'."
OTHER OBSERVATIONS:
Was quick to defend the BBC's expensive digital news service, even without any
prompting from Ian, whose magazine openly loathes and bemoans it.
COMMENTS FROM THE WEBMASTER:
Esler is an outstanding journalist who became the face of America to British TV
viewers and it's a shame we didn't find out more as to why he no longer had that
role and was instead cramped up in a studio on a digital news channel which, as
Paul rightly pointed out, few people would watch because 'news doesn't happen 24
hours a day'. He didn't seem bitter, even when he defended News 24 without any
pressure from Ian (which was expected) and he seemed to have great fun on the
show. He was notably funnier than fellow guest Linda Smith, for whom humour is
her living, and he enjoyed a good laugh sitting next to Paul. A good guest, who
is wasted in his current job.
MARKS OUT OF TEN:
Eight and a half.
SHOULD THEY INVITE HIM BACK?
If he is prepared to risk being slaughtered over News 24's declining popularity,
yes.
APPEARED:
KNOWN AS:
At
the time, Evans was the presenter of Channel 4's flagship morning show "The
Big Breakfast". Since then, he has gone on to become the most successful -
and most photographed - broadcaster of his generation, with his takeover of
Virgin Radio and his recent sale of his company Ginger Productions for hundreds
of millions of pounds. Still presents the Virgin breakfast show and his weekend
Channel 4 music and chat programme "TFI Friday".
INTRODUCTION:
Angus
quoted someone stating that Evans was the natural successor to Phillip
Schofield, making a subtle joke about Jason Donovan in the process.
BEST QUOTE:
On
a Government scheme to send the unemployed to Holland to find work, Evans said:
"They can go there and find work, or they can go there and smoke and forget
about the whole damn thing."
ANECDOTES:
Giggled
through a denial that he had been shouting through fellow guest Fiona
Armstrong's letter box.
GIVEN A HARD TIME?
No.
He wasn't the media mogul he was later to become. He would be slaughtered if he
went on the show again though.
OTHER OBSERVATIONS:
Evans
was quite reserved, which is remarkable considering the saturated coverage he
gets in the media today. Still delivered a few good lines, particularly in the
Missing Words round. And came up with one of the show's best-ever captions at
the end, when confronted with a picture of a woman wearing a kitchen pot on her
head. Evans said: "I've got to get home - I've left the pan on!"
COMMENTS FROM THE WEBMASTER:
While
he was no disgrace and his then-unique grin and general enthusiasm gave the show
a bit of life, Evans generally proved that he was at his very best when given an
autocue or a script. He had a few good bits of spontaneity and was funny when
trying to help Paul persuade Armstrong to utter the F-word, he was a little
disappointing considering the hype he and his show "The Big Breakfast"
had started to receive. Maybe too much was expected of him.
MARKS OUT OF TEN: Seven.
SHOULD THEY INVITE HIM BACK?
Depends on whether you like him or not. Ian and Angus would slaughter him over some of his tabloid-hogging shenanigans were he to make another appearance. He'd enjoy the publicity though, no matter what they said to him, so why not ask him to make a return?
APPEARED:
KNOWN AS:
The
babe of newsreaders in the 1970s, now the headmistress-esque figure of the BBC
News.
INTRODUCTION: Angus quoted as once saying the Director General of the BBC
was "pathetic", so she and Ian had already scored one point.
BEST QUOTE:
Talking
about the famous moment when she soaked her ex-boss at TV-Am with wine, she
said: "I had half a glass of wine - so I had it filled up."
ANECDOTES:
Loads
of them. She freely told about her infamous sacking by TV-AM, the reason for
which she said was still a mystery to her, and also referred to the tendency of
her late ITN colleague Reginald Bosanquet's penchant for afternoon boozing and
handing rude poems to her in the middle of live bulletins, revealing further
that Bosanquet had to "walk the line" to test his sobriety before
bosses would allow him on air. Told also of how she was offered a role in the
Oscar-winning film "Chariots Of Fire" which she turned down.
GIVEN A HARD TIME?
Was
asked a lot of questions about her past by Angus but was rescued by a smitten
Paul. Looked slightly embarrassed when footage of her singing a Bob Dylan song
during her student days was shown, though she had nothing to be embarrassed
about.
OTHER OBSERVATIONS:
Paul
seemed to have a soft spot for her, as he chimed in with back-up accusations
aimed at Angus as the host probed her relentlessly about her past exploits. She
showed none of the snooty image given to her by focus groups and critics and was
fun and down to earth. She seemed to enjoy herself. Joined in the playful jibing
of Ian's lack of musical knowledge by claiming he was a fan of Alma Cogan.
COMMENTS FROM THE WEBMASTER:
Considering
she has always been the newsreader without any emotion or gimmick to her name
(such as the Michael Buerk wink) Ford was a flirtatious and light-hearted guest
who by the end, had the three regulars eating out of the palm of her hand. The
Webmaster would like to point out that while he tries to treat each guest's
performance on merit alone, he has fancied Anna Ford for years, though has done
his best not to let his admiration cloud his judgment!
MARKS OUT OF TEN: Eight.
SHOULD THEY INVITE HER BACK?
Yes.
She showed a bit of bite and character and was not afraid to ditch her
professional impartiality in order to get laughs. And at the risk of sounding
sycophantic, she is very easy on the eye!
APPEARED:
KNOWN AS:
Husky
voiced Scandinavian who reviews films for TV and newspapers. Currently has a
movie column in the News Of The World.
INTRODUCTION:
Angus
announced that she had won the award for sexiest voice on television, just ahead
of Derek Jameson.
BEST QUOTE: Nothing memorable to speak of.
ANECDOTES: None.
GIVEN A HARD TIME?
Yes.
Ian teased her about the late slot given to her film review show on ITV,
sarcastically asking: "That's peak time is it?" And Paul managed to
call her a pig and get away with it, using the excuse that he needed to pick up
opportunities like that or "you get your comedy card taken away from
you". He did apologise straightaway and Frostrup claimed that she didn't
care, as she had a date with him!
OTHER OBSERVATIONS:
That
voice and the laughter which went with it had the men in the audience eating out
of the palm of her hand, so when she said something out of place, it was
predominantly left alone. Gave Private Eye a hefty plug when she said that its
version of her newspaper column was not funny at all. Paul retorted: "I
don't think it's anything of an exclusive in Private Eye not being funny."
COMMENTS FROM THE WEBMASTER:
Frostrup
looks good and sounds good and clearly is game for a laugh, which she did a lot
of thanks to inspired performances from Paul and fellow guest Neil Kinnock. But
she lacked material of her own when as a TV personality, she would have been
expected to raise a chuckle or two.
MARKS OUT OF TEN: Six.
SHOULD THEY INVITE HER BACK? No.
Though she was undisgraced, her appearance simply didn't work out.
APPEARED:
KNOWN AS:
A
former fashion model and ex-wife of pop star Midge Ure, now an occasional TV
presenter. Current employment circumstances unknown.
INTRODUCTION:
Angus
said the ex-model was used to appearing alongside people in fabulous clothes,
which is why they paired her with Paul.
BEST QUOTE: Completed
the headline "SMITH IS CAUGHT IN ______" with "Sarah Greene's
bedroom".
ANECDOTES: None.
GIVEN A HARD TIME? No.
OTHER OBSERVATIONS:
She
certainly knew her stuff when it came to answering questions and had a nice line
in humour. Sadly, she spoilt it all with her laugh, definitely the most annoying
next to that of Baz Bamigboye, though she did unfortunately use her grating
giggle way too often.
COMMENTS FROM THE WEBMASTER:
A
rather pixieish looking woman, Giles was thorough in her answering of the
questions and seemed to have a damned good time sitting next to Paul, who was
enjoying one of his better quick-witted days. Sadly, as Paul was so funny, she
laughed loudly and frequently and that was highly annoying.
MARKS OUT OF TEN: Seven.
SHOULD THEY INVITE HER BACK?
If she hasn't curbed her laughter, then definitely not. If she has, then she deserves another go.
APPEARED:
KNOWN
AS:
Presenter of a variety of TV shows, mainly related to popular culture.
INTRODUCTION:
Angus mournfully referred to her claim that TV presenting is stupid and
pointless, and claimed therefore the two of them would get on very well.
BEST QUOTE:
Discussing fraudulent space travel, she said to fellow guest Tom Baker:
"But 'Doctor Who' was real. It was real. It WAS real...." before
faking a sob.
ANECDOTES:
She didn't have time. Baker had a monopoly on them.
GIVEN A HARD TIME?
No.
OTHER OBSERVATIONS:
Not really.
COMMENTS FROM THE WEBMASTER:
Gray is funny and intelligent, as her past projects have proved, but she didn't
get the chance to go beyond a competent answering of the questions, thanks to
the domination of the show by Baker. However, she seemed to enjoy herself, and
even Paul sat back and said little as Baker went on his own merry way many times
with great effect.
MARKS OUT OF TEN:
Seven.
SHOULD THEY INVITE HER BACK?
Yes - and get someone who doesn't hog the limelight as the other guest.
APPEARED:
Series 1, Episode 8 (with Ian Hislop) 1990
KNOWN
AS:
Passionate feminist who wrote the celebrated women's epic "The Female
Eunuch". Also a regular guest on BBC2 arts programme "The Late
Show."
INTRODUCTION:
No details of her first appearance; second time round, Angus said she was once
propositioned by Bill Clinton, setting her apart from no-one except Hillary; on
her third appearance, Angus said she was a writer, free-thinker and radical
intellectual who re-defined the nature of feminism and the role of women in
society, and makes a smashing apple crumble as well; fourth time round, Angus
repeated the Clinton intro verbatim; on
her fifth appearance, Angus said Greer's tirades were once described in the
Guardian as 'like a strong wind in winter, exhilarating and much-needed', but
try telling that to the people of the south coast.
BEST QUOTE:
When Ian started an argument about the fuel shortage by comparing it to alcohol,
Greer said: "The whole point about fuel is that you need it to earn a
living. The point about alcohol is that you need it to forget the fact that you
have to earn a living."
ANECDOTES:
Told of she was propositioned by an American student who asked her "would a
middle class boy stand a chance?" when she was giving a talk at Oxford
years ago. He later turned out to be future US president Bill Clinton.
Also told of how she posed naked for the Times magazine except for a ginger cat
which she used to preserve her dignity, as she wasn't fond of wearing underwear.
GIVEN
A HARD TIME?
Struggled when pressed into discussing a spat she had with fellow feminist
writer Suzanne Moore, on which both Angus and particularly Ian were armed with
biting comments, notable for the 'f*** me shoes' comments. Also got shot down by
fellow guest Dominic Holland when she suggested that lottery jackpots should go
to the charity of the winner's choice, rather than the winner themselves. Ian
also managed to question her belief that men should give sperm samples and then
be sterilised, and only get their sperm back when they had proved they were
capable of bringing up a child. When she said men's sperm levels were declining
fast, Ian replied that as he looked at her, his was just about zero. And when
she tried to explain that a hurricane in 1703 was worse than a recent one under
discussion, Ian said: "You were an undergraduate then?"
OTHER OBSERVATIONS: The revelations about the Moore spat led to the first
ever uncensoring of the F-word on the show, with Ian being the lucky speaker of
the word.
COMMENTS FROM THE WEBMASTER:
Greer
has made a career out of being dedicated, independent and opinionated in her
pro-women ramblings down the years and although she got limited opportunities to
vent her views on topics with which she is closely associated, she still gave
good value for money and particularly enjoyed sitting beside Paul. She had
a total understanding of the show and clearly expected some teasing over the
well-publicised and - at the time - topical tantrums exchanged between herself
and Moore, and dealt with them well. She had Paul to thank for twice deviating
from the biting comments into more frivolous observations. She is, and always
will be, a fascinating person to listen to, and despite the many debates her
beliefs inspired, it was all terrific, good-natured stuff, while she is also
more than willing to openly discuss less intellectual stories of the week more
associated with the tabloid press. The fact that she has made five appearances
as a guest, which has only been bettered by Ken Livingstone, says a lot, and the
episode in which she made her fifth appearance ranks as one of the greatest
ever.
MARKS OUT OF TEN: Unable to score her first appearance; eight; nine;
eight, nine.
SHOULD THEY INVITE HER BACK?
Yes, and they will too. She is a firm favourite of the show.
KNOWN
AS:
Slow-speaking American host of BBC1 cookery show "Masterchef" and
house-snooper in celebrity homes programme "Through The Keyhole".
INTRODUCTION:
Angus said Grossman was a man who has had more hot dinners 'than I've had hot
dinners'.
BEST QUOTE:
When shown footage of a missile being put on aeroplane, Grossman said:
"They're developing a huge vibrator which is being airlifted to Monica
Lewinsky for testing."
ANECDOTES: None.
GIVEN A HARD TIME?
No.
OTHER OBSERVATIONS:
A couple of sly digs were made by Ian over the American intentions against
Saddam Hussein, but Grossman laughed as Ian claimed that when Americans say
'we're going in' they meant that they were sending British pilots over to be
shot at while the Americans stayed away and fired cruise missiles.
COMMENTS FROM THE WEBMASTER:
Grossman was informative, adding a few titbits about how the American media
liked to cover the propaganda leading up to conflict in the Gulf but not the
actual war itself, but all in all he never got much opportunity to show what he
can do because of the outstanding presence of Bob Marshall-Andrews opposite, who
was getting much of the attention. He did his bit, but with a less talkative and
fascinating guest on the other side, he could have done so much more.
MARKS OUT OF TEN: Six and a
half.
SHOULD THEY INVITE HIM BACK? Yes,
providing the other guest isn't so dominating.
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