NIGELLA
LAWSON
APPEARED:
KNOWN
AS:
Former journalist with the Sunday Times, now styled as a 'domestic Goddess'
after a successful series of cookery shows and books. Became the third member of
the same family to appear on the show after her now deceased husband, writer and
broadcaster John Diamond, and her father, ex-Chancellor Nigel Lawson.
INTRODUCTION:
Angus said Lawson was a food writer and journalist who described her new cookery
book as a 'baking book that is not about baking', so welcome to a comedy show
that works on much the same principle.
BEST QUOTE:
On a Film Clips question about the Conservatives, when Angus asked if things
were going well for them, Lawson replied: "Well, we recognised them, didn't
we?"
ANECDOTES:
Told of how she was a rare beast - a TV chef that the queen of TV chefs Delia
Smith seemed to like. Also revealed that Channel 4 viewers complained about her
hygiene standards in the kitchen as she didn't tie her hair back.
GIVEN A HARD TIME?
When she said she also liked Delia in return, Paul asked: "Would you have
lesbian sex with her?" which seemed to take Lawson, initially, by surprise,
though her response - "I have! It'd be difficult for me to have any other
form of sex with her" - showed her sharpness.
OTHER OBSERVATIONS:
The "Delia" T-shirt.
COMMENTS FROM THE WEBMASTER:
Lawson's rise to national fame in the year leading up to her appearance has been
quite sensational, even though she was a respected and well-known newspaper
writer and columnist beforehand. She was charming, sultry and pretty swift with
her repostes during her appearance, which came in not the best show of the
series due to the 'me me me' presence of Peter Stringfellow opposite. But when
she got her chance, she took it, and she flirted with Angus like mad, while
indulgently prolonging Paul's 'lesbian sex' fantasy too. A good guest who would
have been better had there been someone a little more bashful sitting at the
other end.
MARKS OUT OF TEN:
Eight.
SHOULD THEY INVITE HER BACK?
Hopefully they will.
APPEARED:
KNOWN AS:
Twice-weekly
columnist for the Sun with forthright views, particularly on sex and crime
issues. Also presents football phone-in "Six-O-Six" on BBC Radio 5
Live.
INTRODUCTIONS:
In
his first appearance, Angus claimed they only got Littlejohn because his fellow
Sun columnist Ken Livingstone was unavailable; in his second appearance Angus
made reference to Littlejohn's award of "Irritant Of The Year", which
he won just ahead of anthrax; in his third appearance Angus said that on one
team was a man who was paid a fortune to spout vitriol twice a week - and
Littlejohn was his guest.
BEST QUOTE:
Completed
the headline "USE______ADVISES THATCHER" with "a condom,
Cecil."
ANECDOTES:
In
his last appearance, he told under questioning from Angus about how he remarked
in a column about how difficult it was to get a cab in London when it rains, and
was immediately issued with a life ban by the local Hackney drivers. He said he
got into one cab only to see a picture of himself on the windscreen and the
driver told him to get out.
GIVEN A HARD TIME?
Ian
had a go at it, but Littlejohn is way too thick-skinned to be offended or
pressured. Freely admitted that he had an affray conviction from his university
days after Ian answered an Odd One Out question about people with criminal
records for violence.
OTHER OBSERVATIONS:
Littlejohn
is renowned for speaking his mind in plain and often brutal English in his
columns and was never afraid to do so on the show either - a classic example was
his labelling the Queen as "a well-known social security scrounger".
You also get the impression that he doesn't like the Sun's sucking up to boss
Rupert Murdoch - when the Sun's big Sky Digital plug was shown on the day when
the non-Murdoch papers led with the corporation's tax affairs, Littlejohn
creased with laughter.
COMMENTS FROM THE WEBMASTER:
Littlejohn
is a brilliant writer, whether you agree with his views or not, and adds a
certain couldn't-care-less attitude to the programme whenever he appears, which
can only be a good thing. He brings a vibrant touch to the show as he is a good
talker and is quick to vent his opinions while also answering questions
thoroughly.
MARKS OUT OF TEN: Seven, nine and nine respectively.
SHOULD HE BE INVITED BACK?
Absolutely. He is the sort of no-nonsense personality which works perfectly on the programme. Like Alan Coren, he would be an excellent candidate to replace Ian as a permanent team captain should Ian ever decide to leave.
APPEARED:
KNOWN AS:
Editor-in-Chief
of Sport newspapers, responsible for the Daily Sport, a tabloid renowned for its
numerous pictures of naked women, sexual advertisements and made-up
stories. Now also a football columnist for the News Of The World under the
tag of 'Loudmouth Livesey'.
INTRODUCTION:
Angus said that Livesey claimed that the Sunday Sport
was carrying on the traditions of Shakespeare, presumably that was the
Shakespeare who wrote about Romeo being abducted by aliens and Juliet having
massive breasts.
BEST QUOTE:
When fellow guest Arabella Weir revealed she used to be
in a pop group called the Li-Lets, Livesey replied: "You only did one gig a
month, I presume."
ANECDOTES:
Loads of them, as a whole round was dedicated to the
inexplicable stories which the Sunday Sport had dreamed up down the years.
OTHER OBSERVATIONS: A prolific water drinker.
COMMENTS FROM THE WEBMASTER:
For a man whose journalistic credentials aren't the
most reputable due to the newspaper he is involved with, Livesey may have
expected a tough time but didn't really get it. That's to his credit, as he shrugged off many a sarcastic
comment from Ian (who actually looked disgusted that Livesey was on the show)
and was not quick to try to stand up for the Sunday Sport. He didn't need to really, as a combination of his presence
and the fact that TWO rounds involved his paper's escapades - therefore plugs
a-plenty - meant that he could take all the ear-bashing due to him.
Sunday Sport journalists are classified as sleazy types - Livesey
certainly wasn't. Articulate,
pleasant, well-dressed, polite and in possession of a good deal of wit, combined
with just the right amount of humility made his appearance on the show a roaring
success, the sort which no-one would have expected.
The fact that he felt brave enough to offer Ian a subscription at the end
of the show says it all!
MARKS OUT OF TEN: Nine.
SHOULD THEY INVITE HIM BACK?
No. He was
the sort of guest whose job makes him the sort of person worthy of a one-off
appearance. But what a great
appearance it was!
APPEARED:
KNOWN AS:
Boorish
former editor of the Sun, now running national radio station TalkSPORT.
INTRODUCTION:
Angus
said MacKenzie was one of many people who had called for more women to appear on
the show, though in his case he wanted them topless.
BEST QUOTE:
On
winning the Gillian Taylforth libel case, he said: "I like to win one every
decade", before goading Ian for never winning one at all.
ANECDOTES: Freely admitted that he threatened MPs with stories about
their private lives if they introduced a Privacy Bill.
GIVEN A HARD TIME?
He
was surprisingly allowed to appear with little ribbing from Ian, probably
because MacKenzie is so thick-skinned he will take any criticism thrown at him
and hand it straight back. When he wanted footage of a "fat bastard"
left out of discussions concerning a story of a flood in the USA, Ian snapped
back: "Feeling sensitive?"
OTHER OBSERVATIONS:
MacKenzie
genuinely seemed to enjoy himself, applauding many of Angus's monologues, and
seemed particularly amused at a joke involving two Sun journalists demonstrating
the simplicity of performing oral sex in a car, when Angus described it as
"a selfless gesture by Richard Littlejohn and Garry Bushell".
COMMENTS FROM THE WEBMASTER:
MacKenzie
is a feared and ruthless journalist who knows all the tricks and the dirt which
his business involves, so any inevitable jibing about his career at the helm of
the Sun was clearly going to be water off a duck's back. He was thorough in
answering the questions and was good value with biting one-liners and an
unsubtle but effective understanding of how a guest should perform. He never
tried to dominate the show but often did anyway, and that was a very skilled way
of going about
things.
MARKS OUT OF TEN: Eight and a half.
SHOULD THEY INVITE HIM BACK? Yes.
APPEARED:
KNOWN
AS: Erstwhile host of long-running brainbox quiz
"Mastermind".
INTRODUCTION: Angus said Magnusson was 'Iceland's hottest geezer'.
BEST QUOTE:
On the 'Mastermind' parody round when he was asked which playwright married
Marilyn Monroe - a question he has notoriously got wrong before - he replied:
"I had a problem with that, because all I could remember was the name of
the surgeon who operated on my mother's kidneys."
ANECDOTES:
Told of how he broke the arm of Daily Express features editor during a friendly
game of arm-wrestling - after a long lunch. Also revealed during the
'Mastermind' parody round several interesting facts about the show as answers to
Angus's questions.
GIVEN A HARD TIME?
During the 'Mastermind' parody, he revealed that he dreaded reading French words
as part of the questions, so Angus then asked him a question to which the answer
was a complicated French phrase.
OTHER OBSERVATIONS:
When given a 'Blue Peter' badge by Angus (this was in the week when presenter
Richard Bacon was sacked for taking cocaine) he was very quick to put it on and
looked proud wearing it for the rest of the show.
COMMENTS FROM THE WEBMASTER:
This episode was one of the absolute, absolute classics, with great stories to
discuss and some brilliant banter and anecdotal stuff from four guests who were
really up for it. Magnusson played his part in no uncertain terms, laughing
uncontrollably on occasions and thoroughly enjoying listening to the ramblings
of Paul and the fascinating stories from fellow guest John Simpson. He was
brilliant, on a day when everyone was.
MARKS OUT OF TEN:
Eight and a half.
SHOULD THEY INVITE HIM BACK? He is in semi-retirement now and not
in the public eye, so best let him go out on a high.
APPEARED:
KNOWN
AS: Enthusiastic and much-mimicked BBC weatherman, now a voice-over artist on
commercials.
INTRODUCTION:
Angus said McCaskill was one of the few people who, every time he appears on
television, seems to have the whole of Britain behind him.
BEST QUOTE:
"Michael Howard is MARRIED?"
ANECDOTES:
Admitted that he got a lot of letters from female admirers, brilliantly adding:
"They're of a certain age, these ladies. You know, past their procreational
best."
GIVEN A HARD TIME?
He was asked a couple of questions about weather conditions which he didn't
seem to know the answer to.
OTHER OBSERVATIONS:
He was a mumbler at pretty incoherent levels at times, almost of Boris Johnson
proportions.
COMMENTS FROM THE WEBMASTER:
The rousing cheer he got from the audience on his introduction says it all,
really. McCaskill falls into that exclusive category of lovable eccentrics who
can do and say no wrong, no matter what idiosyncrasies they may come up with. He
seemed lost on occasions, but that was just as equally humorous as anything he
said on a more audible and sober level. He was enormous fun.
MARKS OUT OF TEN: Eight.
SHOULD THEY INVITE HIM BACK?
Yes, if only to ask him how much fun he had wrestling with two very large ladies
in a 'Lilt' advert!
APPEARED:
KNOWN AS:
Long-time anchorman of ITN's
"News At Ten". Since the
bulletin was axed, has gone on to present a magazine show called "Tonight
with Trevor McDonald". Was
recently knighted.
INTRODUCTION:
First time round, Angus
claimed that after he interviewed Saddam Hussein that a new chat show was being
lined up to be presented by...Saddam Hussein; on his second appearance, Angus
said that McDonald had interviewed Saddam Hussein and come face to face with
Colonel Gadaffi, so that's why they put him with Paul.
BEST QUOTE: Completed the headline "MAJOR PUTS MELLOR IN_____"
with "the club".
ANECDOTES: None.
GIVEN A HARD TIME?
Looked mildly embarrassed when
placed in an Odd One Out round with Jimmy Savile, Anne Diamond and Yogi Bear and
Paul asked him if he had slept with any of them.
OTHER OBSERVATIONS:
Kept fairly quiet and never
went beyond his limits, although was quick to throw off the stuffy newsreader
image by laughing at even the more risqué jokes.
Corpsed completely when Paul cracked a joke about suppositories.
COMMENTS FROM THE WEBMASTER:
McDonald is a newsreader and
therefore is professionally obliged to depict a serious image when on TV.
However, he relaxed very quickly on each of his appearances and was not
afraid to laugh at the sort of jokes which his housewife fans would label as
coarse. Took an active role and was
actually more amusing in his first appearance than professional funnyman Craig
Ferguson, who was the other guest.
MARKS OUT OF TEN: Seven for both.
SHOULD THEY INVITE HIM BACK?
Yes, if he can handle it since
the controversial axing of "News At Ten".
He would be endlessly probed about it by Angus and Ian, while the opinion
of Private Eye's TV critic on his new show would also raise awkward comment from
Ian.
APPEARED:
KNOWN
AS: Editor of the
Daily Mirror, formerly editor of the News Of The World and showbiz editor for
the Sun.
INTRODUCTION:
Angus
quoted Morgan as saying that he was related to Elizabeth Taylor by marriage,
which was hardly an exclusive as everyone will be one day.
BEST QUOTE:
To
the audience, about Ian, he asked: "Do you like him? Do you like Ian?"
It was his best quote because the audience, as one, shouted back a resounding
"Yes!" at which Morgan despaired.
A surreal choice of quote, but it was the best because of the absolutely
perfect reaction.
ANECDOTES:
Quite
a few, though not with the amusing punchline which genuine anecdotes demand.
He revealed, under intense questioning from Angus, Ian and guest captain
Clive Anderson, that he got "severely bollocked" by Rupert Murdoch
after he lost a privacy case before the PCC brought against him while editing
the News Of The World.
GIVEN A HARD TIME?
Jesus,
where do you start? The fact is that there is a well-documented mutual dislike
between himself and Ian - Private Eye's nicknames for Morgan include 'Gormless'
and 'Piers Moron' - and this hardly boded well for a light-hearted contest, and
at times there was some real vitriol flying around between the two.
Ian's first dig was "you're very left-wing for someone who used to
edit the News Of The World" and from there the insults and the jibes
totally overpowered the rest of the show. An
Odd One Out question which involved some of Morgan's errors as an editor
prompted a lot of accusatory comments and questions from Ian, while his captain
Clive Anderson also flung in the odd dig, though tried to do so light-heartedly.
It didn't work. Morgan ended up calling Ian menacingly by his surname and
threatening to send photographers round to the houses of the two captains.
Angus wanted to know why Morgan felt it necessary to send 25
photographers round to a party in France he was hosting, while Clive's reply
when Morgan asked him what he knew about editing a newspaper was "about as
much as you do". Morgan was even ridiculed by Angus for not recognising a
headline from his own paper.
OTHER OBSERVATIONS: None.
COMMENTS FROM THE WEBMASTER:
It
all seemed quite cheery to start with, but it was inevitable that the dummy
would be spat out eventually and it happened with some venom.
Morgan surely knew what he would be subjected to when he agreed to appear
on the show, and presumably felt he could deal with it.
He couldn't. Ian got the
popularity vote and Clive got the laughs, leaving Morgan looking a drained and
sorry man. He did answer some
questions well, and did smile his way through some of the awkward moments, but
he was completely outdone by the knowledge, wit and backing of the regulars.
It was memorable viewing, but whether the show is there purely to rip one
guest to shreds or not depends on individual opinion.
No-one in the history of the show was subjected to quite such bileful
treatment or put under as much pressure as Morgan.
While the likes of Boris Johnson played off the heavy stuff with his own
sense of charm, naivety and self-deprecation, Morgan got it wrong by vehemently
standing his ground in a situation he was never going to win. He did the right thing by admitting his career mistakes, but
got it totally wrong when he tried to fight back by threatening the others with
photographers or equalling them in terms of sharpness, as Ian completely took
him to the cleaners.
MARKS OUT OF TEN: Five.
SHOULD THEY INVITE HIM BACK?
Oh, please...do you honestly think they would? And even if they did, how likely would he be to accept?
APPEARED:
KNOWN AS:
Journalist and former Tory
delegate who went on to edit the Sunday Times.
Now presents the BBC2 late-night political discussion show "Despatch
Box" and is regularly ribbed in Angus's monologues over his association
with Pamella Bordes.
INTRODUCTION:
Angus quoted Neil as saying
that Scottish people were more intelligent and could understand bigger words,
which smacked of periphrastic ostengingilility.
BEST QUOTE:
Given an Odd One Out of
Michael Aspel, Richard and Judy, Sooty and 'Have I Got News For You', Neil said:
"Sooty is the only one in a TV show presented by a human."
ANECDOTES: None.
GIVEN A HARD TIME?
Not at all, perhaps
surprisingly. His hairpiece,
association with Pamella Bordes and his liking for Royal biography
serialisations were not mentioned at all.
OTHER OBSERVATIONS:
He is one of those guests who
likes to continue laughing at a gag long after the initial guffaws from the
audience and other contestants have subsided.
He could still be heard chuckling as Angus tried to wrap up a round.
COMMENTS FROM THE WEBMASTER:
It does Neil credit that he
agreed to appear at all, having consistently been a favourite target of the
protagonists down the years. Though
he may have expected to get some stick, he must have been relieved when it
didn't happen and he came across a relaxed and charming character who answered
the questions well and had a damned good laugh in the process.
He was never screamingly funny, but he wasn't expected to be when he was
sitting next to Paul Merton and had comedy legend Spike Milligan sitting
opposite as the other guest. Neil
has every reason to be quite pleased with his performance.
MARKS OUT OF TEN: Seven and a half.
SHOULD THEY INVITE HIM BACK?
It's debatable whether he
would risk going unscathed again, but as he was successful the first time round,
there is no harm in trying.
APPEARED:
KNOWN
AS: American author, journalist and
columnist.
INTRODUCTION:
Angus
said O'Rourke was a journalist who had witnessed poverty, filth, violence
and social collapse, and that was just driving through south London on the
way from the airport.
BEST QUOTE:
"The
Republicans are the party that says that Government doesn't work, and then they
get elected and prove it."
ANECDOTES: None.
GIVEN A HARD TIME? No.
He commanded utter respect from everyone.
OTHER OBSERVATIONS:
Seemed
anything but angry when fellow guest Craig Charles admitted he used to steal
O'Rourke's observations for his column in 'Time Out'.
In fact, he appeared flattered.
COMMENTS FROM THE WEBMASTER:
O'Rourke's
considerable skills to satirise the world we live in was easily converted from
prose to TV in a quite brilliant performance.
He seemed to know a lot about British life, as well as commenting
substantially on stories relating to his homeland, and as a result he had some
hugely cutting remarks and an understated drollness which was very appealing.
His team was thrashed in the episode, but it mattered not as he and Craig
Charles both contributed to an excellently polished episode of the show.
A fine guest.
MARKS OUT OF TEN: Eight.
SHOULD THEY INVITE HIM BACK? Yes. He
has more intelligence than a lot of his British equivalents put together.
Back to top of page / Back to Guest List Intro