"I have an English father and a Scottish mother, which means I'm both stuck up AND mean."

Anchorman.

Smooth talking, sharp dressing autocue expert.

Born on January 6th, 1956, Angus attended Caterham School and gained his Modern Languages degree at New College, Oxford.  After falling into comedy by accident as an undergraduate, he spent the first ten years of his performing career as the much-underrated straight man in Rowan Atkinson's live stage shows.  Angus finally became a household name when he was selected to present "Have I Got News For You" and he is also known for his roles in spoof satellite sketch show "KYTV" and top-rated sitcom "One Foot In The Grave", in which he plays Victor Meldrew's long-suffering neighbour Patrick.  He has used his presenting skills in various other projects, including "The End Of The Year Show", "TV Hell" and "The History Of Alternative Comedy" and he is a familiar voice on commercials and an even more regular guest at showbiz parties.  Unmarried, he used to live with 1970s singer Stephanie de Sykes, and is now engaged to scriptwriter girlfriend Lise Mayer, who co-authored "The Young Ones".

Angus has an expertise with the autocue, which can make even the weaker gags on  "Have I Got News For You" seem funnier.  His monologues are often screamingly funny and daring, and he somehow manages to deliver some of the most scathing lines on television without looking remotely like they represent his own opinions.  In his continuity links, he has a phenomenal vocabulary and a highly impressive volume of imagery, always finding an original way to introduce the next round.

Angus does often get caught out by the two captains when it comes to natural spontaneity, and he looks annoyed or forces false laughter when he is ridiculed, despite making a lucrative living out of ridiculing others.

Angus has had fun poked at him periodically for once being labelled "TV's Mr Sex" and was regularly blasted by Paul over claims that he had bedded Paul's wife.  His taste in suits is often questioned and he has a smarminess about him, which Paul uses as ammunition.  Angus has also been subjected to taunts about his liking for advertising voice-overs, and had frequent jibes aimed at him by both captains over his "affair" with Eric Sykes, inspired by a newspaper feature on his relationship with Stephanie de Sykes. 

Frank Bough, Paul Gascoigne, Bill Wyman.

"I hope the lawyers are getting all this!"

Team captain on the left.

Brainbox satirist with high moral integrity.

Born on July 13th, 1960, Ian attended top public school Ardingly College before gaining an honours degree in English Literature and Language at Magdalen College, Oxford. He joined Private Eye in 1981 and became the youngest editor of the publication five years later, a position he holds to this day. Ian has appeared on every episode of "Have I Got News For You" but has always resisted the temptation to make a full-time career from television, though he is an occasional guest on BBC arts programme "The Late Show" and was a resident writer for "Spitting Image". He authored the Tony Blair send-up "The Vicar of St Albion's", which originally appeared in Private Eye and starred Harry Enfield, and has also hosted the odd documentary. He is a TV critic for The Spectator and a columnist in The Listener and the Sunday Telegraph. Married to Vikki, he has a son and a daughter.

Ian is unafraid to slag off and take down by a peg any politician, businessman or other public figure that has made the news for the wrong reasons, on both the television and in his magazine.  He knows all the dirt, helped by his discreet contacts as Private Eye editor, and is also handy when it comes to protecting the show's back when it comes to libellous statements.  Always neutral, his passion for truth and justice means he gives equal hassle to politicians from all sides of the spectrum be they in the studio with him or not.

Ian is constantly lacking in his knowledge of popular culture, such as music and particularly football, something on which Paul is gleefully quick to score points.  However, he freely admits that he takes no interest in such matters and therefore is unaffected by any taunts, even sending himself up by pretending to know about such topics.

Again, he is constantly derided for his lack of football and music knowledge and is also periodically ridiculed for his lack of height and receding hairline, and his likenesses to Jimmy Somerville and the small boy who advertises BBC children's television.  Ian also has occasional gags thrown at him about his magazine for being unfunny and devoid of readers.

Stephen Fry, 1992 Christmas special.

Gordon Ramsay, 1999.

Robert Maxwell, Jeffrey Archer, Peter Mandelson, Mohammed Al Fayed, Jeremy Paxman, John Major, Richard Branson.

"I was taken off woodwork and made to do cross-country running!"

Team captain on the right.

Working class hero out to defeat the snobs.

Born on January 17th 1957, Paul is anything but similar to his two regular co-performers.  He was educated at Wimbledon College and left school at 16 with few qualifications, having been, at the age of four, inspired to go into comedy by Tony Hancock and circus clowns.  He worked for the Civil Service until he acquired enough nerve and material to fulfill his ambition, changing his name in the process from Paul Martin due to an Equity duplication.  His surreal stand-up act and uncanny knack of thinking quickly earned him regular appearances on Channel 4's flagship improv show "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" while he was also one of the original performers with the improv troupe The Comedy Store Players, with whom he still performs each week.  Now one of Britain's best-loved and successful comedians, he has also had his own Channel 4 sketch show and fulfilled a dream when he re-created many Galton & Simpson penned Hancock episodes for ITV.  He appeared in the screenplay version of Arthur Smith's "An Evening With Gary Lineker" alongside then wife Caroline Quentin, and also secured a lucrative advertising deal with soap makers Cusson's, to promote Imperial Leather.  His voice is now heard sporadically on other adverts, though he has yet to appear on screen in further promotions.  He made his TV presenting debut in 1999 on "Room 101", taking over from previous host Nick Hancock.  His marriage to actress Caroline Quentin ended in 1998 - though they remain friends - and he is currently single.

Paul has become Britain's master of the one-liner, which he can use to equally devastating effect when talking about the news or poking fun at a fellow participant on the show.  He is also excellent at speaking plain English and is quick to ridicule Angus or Ian when their classical education results in words or expressions, which seem too elitist.  He has an opinion on everything and is terrific when he goes off on a spontaneous tangent or digression, using only the most minor of details within a news story as his inspiration to explore his wonderful aptitude for surrealism.  His affinity with ordinary life and ability to relate to what is important to the average viewer is arguably the main reason why the show has maintained its longevity, proved by the fact that it was much the poorer when he quit for one series.  He has reduced supposedly humourless politicians to a hysterical jelly. 

Paul can be worryingly quiet for long periods of the show and will always lose an intellectual argument with Ian.  He butts in on Angus's monologues too often, leaving the viewer wondering what Angus was going to say.  He is also far too competitive and looks seriously annoyed whenever he loses.

He is always reminded that he got a CSE metalwork qualification at school and has often been derided for what he chooses to wear or for his latest hairstyle.  He is constantly ridiculed by Ian for taking the quiz element of the show too seriously.

John Sergeant, 1998.

Terry Christian, 1995.

Jason Donovan, Prince Edward.

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