"Good
evening and as you may have read recently, the BBC is now broadcasting every
programme in NICAM digital stereo so as a special treat, we'll be playing you
'Dark Side Of The Moon' later in the show."
FIRST BROADCAST: 17th May 1996
TEAMS: Ian Hislop & Fred
MacAulay; Eddie
Izzard & Max
Clifford
ROUND
ONE - FILM CLIPS:
Ian & Fred: Gas regulator tells British Gas to cut bills
Eddie & Max: OJ Simpson interviewed by Richard Madeley and Judy
Finnegan
Ian & Fred: Former Archbishop of Canterbury admits to ordaining
gay priests
Eddie & Max: Thief posted in box to warehouse so he could burgle it
Scores: Ian & Fred 4; Eddie & Max 4
ROUND TWO - PR FAILURES:
Brent Spa oil rig; National Constipation Day; church service to celebrate 100
years of the car; National Smile Week; demonstration against McVitie's biscuits
by human puffins
(National
Constipation Day and National Smile Week were failures, as neither got national
media coverage)
Scores: Ian & Fred 8; Eddie & Max 7
ROUND
THREE - ODD ONE OUT:
Eddie - Clare Short; Tony Blair; Julius Caesar; a carpet mite
(the
carpet mite, as all the others have been given carpets as gifts)
Max - Fred Perry; Pitt the Elder; Pitt the Younger; Carol Thatcher
(Thatcher, as all the others had MPs as fathers)
Fred - Rover cars; George I; Adolf Hitler; Doc Marten
(Hitler,
as all the others are German)
Ian - the Earl of Sandwich; Pamela Anderson; Earl Grey; OJ Simpson
(Sandwich, as all the others had a drink named after them)
Scores: Ian & Fred 11; Eddie & Max 8
ROUND FOUR - MISSING WORDS:
Guest Publication: SANDWICH & SNACK NEWS
MACBETH SET FOR __________
__________ MEET FACE-TO-FACE
BARRY SHEENE MADE ME __________ SANDWICH
CLINTON'S __________ IS SEEN ON VIDEO
__________
STRIPS OFF FOR TV
Final Scores: Ian & Fred 15; Eddie & Max 11
"Good
evening and our apologies that Mystic Meg isn't able to appear here tonight as
advertised, although you don't have to be psychic to predict us telling you that
it's due to unforeseen circumstances."
FIRST BROADCAST: 24th May 1996
TEAMS: Ian Hislop & Felix
Dexter; Clive
Anderson & Piers
Morgan
ROUND
ONE - FILM CLIPS:
Ian & Felix: British beef ban stays
Clive & Piers: Railtrack is sold off
Ian & Felix: Ireland wins Eurovision again
Clive & Piers: Claim that Conservatives raised money from Serbs
during Bosnia conflict
Scores: Ian & Felix 4; Clive & Piers 4
ROUND TWO - BABY PHOTOS:
Edward Heath; Adolf Hitler; Bill Clinton; Joan Collins; John Prescott
Scores: Ian & Felix 6; Clive & Piers 8
ROUND THREE - ODD ONE OUT:
Clive - Selina Scott; Julia Carling; Earl Spencer; the Queen
(Carling,
as all the others had complaints upheld against newspapers edited by Piers
Morgan)
Piers - Rupert Allason; Sting; a koala bear; Geoffrey Clements, leader of
the Natural Law Party
(the
koala, as all the others practice drug-free meditation)
Felix - Prince Edward; Lord Lucan; Sophie Rhys-Jones; John Noakes
(Rhys-Jones, as all the others are members of the bobsleighing Cresta Club)
Ian - Cordelia Gummer; Arthur the Cat; Arthur the Ostrich; Felix Kanal Torres
(the
ostrich, as all the others have been food testers)
Scores: Ian & Felix 8; Clive & Piers 10
ROUND FOUR - MISSING WORDS:
Guest Publication: INTERNATIONAL CAR PARK DESIGN
POLICE GRAB __________ AT PALACE
AA HQ INCLUDES __________
__________ KILLS HIPPO
JOHN MAJOR DOES A __________
__________ TO RESTORE ORDER TO BEIRUT
MERCY!
IT'S THE __________ NUNS
Final Scores: Ian & Felix 11; Clive & Piers 10
"Good
evening and with only three weeks to go until Midsummer Night, a special hello
to those of you huddled round the fire in your overcoats having abandoned the
barbecue."
FIRST BROADCAST: 31st May 1996
TEAMS: Ian Hislop & Rich
Hall;
Alan
Davies & Rupert
Allason MP
ROUND
ONE - FILM CLIPS:
Ian & Rich: Clinton's business associates found guilty in the
Whitewater trial
Alan & Rupert: Government denies that baby milk is dangerous
Ian & Rich: Monks make TV advert to promote monastery
Alan & Rupert: BBC choose Beethoven's 'Ode To Joy' as Euro 96
theme
Scores: Ian & Rich 4; Alan & Rupert 4
ROUND TWO - PRINCESS IN LOVE:
Both teams shown three clips of American adaptation of the Charles and Diana
story and asked to predict what happened next.
Diana catches Charles dancing with Camilla - 'three in marriage' joke; Diana
flirts with James Hewitt over dinner - dismissed the footmen; Diana and Hewitt
kiss - he says it's treason
Scores: Ian & Rich 4; Alan & Rupert 5
ROUND THREE - ODD ONE OUT:
Alan - Jon Snow; Anthony Blunt; Betty Boothroyd; James Hewitt
(Hewitt,
as all the others were approached for spying duties by MI5)
Rupert - George Best; Thomas Cook; Ian Mills; Alistair Campbell
(Mills,
as all the others are teetotallers)
Rich - the Rolling Stones; Prince Charles; King Alfred the Alsatian; the
National Federation of Fish Friers
(the
Alsatian, as all the others have issued their own credit card)
Ian - FW Woolworth; Sheena Easton; London Bridge; Northumbrian Water
(Northumbrian Water, as all the others left the UK for the USA)
Scores: Ian & Rich 5; Alan & Rupert 8
ROUND FOUR - MISSING WORDS:
Guest Publication: FISH FRIERS REVIEW
COOL DUDES LOVE __________
__________ THREAT TO SHEEP
MRS BOTTOMLEY SWINGS __________
FERGIE WAS __________ - OFFICIAL
THE
PM HAS __________ UP HIS SLEEVE
Final Scores: Ian & Rich 5; Alan & Rupert 13
"Good
evening and welcome to the last 'Have I Got News For You' of the series and the
chance to witness history in the making as Ian Hislop is 4-3 up in games and
could therefore draw a series for the first time ever."
FIRST BROADCAST: 7th June 1996
TEAMS: Ian Hislop & Richard
Wilson; John
Bird & John
Fortune
ROUND
ONE - FILM CLIPS:
Ian & Richard: Tory MP Rod
Richards resigns after affair
John & John: Labour plan curfew
for under tens
Ian & Richard: EuroRocket
explodes on take-off
John & John: Beach to be built
under Spaghetti Junction
Scores: Ian & Richard 4; John & John 4
ROUND TWO - JURY WITH A JUKEBOX:
Margaret Thatcher's voice sampled on record by Vim - HIT
Ken Livingstone's voice sampled on record by Blur - MISS
Princess Diana's voice sampled on record by unknown act - MISS
Richard Wilson's voice sampled on record by unknown act - MISS
Scores: Ian & Richard 10; John & John 5
ROUND THREE - ODD ONE OUT:
John B - Saddam Hussein; a piece of cake; the National Rivers Authority; Michael
Heseltine (the cake, as all the others have been subsidised by the taxpayer)
John F - Camilla Parker-Bowles; David Steel; Roger Daltrey; Chelsea Clinton
(Clinton, as all the others have children who have smoked cannabis)
Richard - Nigel Mansell; Douglas Hogg; Jonathan Aitken; the Hayway
(the
Hayway, as all the others have been special constables)
Ian - Dennis Potter; Gerald Kaufman; Brian Redhead; Ian Laing
(Redhead,
as all the others were scriptwriters for "That Was The Week That Was")
Scores: Ian & Richard 15; John & John 7
ROUND FOUR - MISSING WORDS:
Guest Publication: SEMEN WORLD
CALL ME __________, SAYS FERGIE
PRICE OF __________ SEMEN PLUMMETS
BRITISH PEOPLE ARE FILLED WITH __________
__________
HAS A FIRM HAND ON NO 1 SPOT
THOOHARLENS ARE PRONE TO __________
Final Scores: Ian & Richard 17; John & John 10
Series
Score: Ian 5; Guest Teams 3
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