EPISODE
5:
"Good evening and welcome to 'Have I Got News For You', now under New
Labour, so a sparkling new format, a brand new set and much bigger stars,
although we're not quite sure how we're going to pay for it."
FIRST BROADCAST: 16th May 1997
TEAMS: Ian Hislop & Jack Docherty;
Paul Merton & Greg
Dyke
ROUND ONE - FILM CLIPS:
Paul & Greg: State opening of Parliament with some breaks in tradition
Ian & Jack: Widdecombe says Howard should not be next Conservative
leader
Paul & Greg: Aeroplane flight with air hostess holding door shut
Ian & Jack: Garry Kasparov beaten by computerised chess game
Scores: Ian & Jack 4; Paul & Greg 4
ROUND TWO - SPECIAL
OFFERS:
Paul & Greg - man buys thousands of bananas to make profit on loyalty card
Ian & Jack - Pepsi claim Harrier jet for ringpulls giveaway was a joke
Scores: Ian & Jack 5; Paul & Greg 7
ROUND THREE - ODD ONE
OUT:
Paul - Chris Patten; Will Pickford; Prince Charles; the House of 1,000
Arseholes*
(Pickford,
as all the others have used feng shui consultants)
Greg - Ken Hom; Nicholas Witchell; Hughie Green; Wim Kok
(Green,
as all the others are in 'Who's Who')
Jack - Herodotus; the Spice Girls; Marcia Clarke; the Labour Party
(Clarke,
as all the others have written bestsellers)
Ian - Ann Widdecombe; Karl Marx; Ken Hom; Sid Little
(Marx,
as all the others have read Radio 4's 'Prayer For The Day')
*The House of 1,000 Arseholes is local slang for a Hong Kong building named the House of 1,000 Portholes.
Scores: Ian & Jack 8; Paul & Greg 8
ROUND FOUR - MISSING WORDS:
Guest Publication: CHANNEL 5 MAGAZINE
MANDELSON: I'M __________
YOGIC FLYERS HOPING FOR __________
CHANNEL 5 WILL ADD __________ TO PEOPLE'S LIVES
LABOUR TO MAKE KIDS __________
IT'S
TIME FOR __________
Final Scores: Ian & Jack 12; Paul & Greg 10
EPISODE
6:
"Good evening and welcome to 'Have I Got News For You' and if you've just
turned over from Channel 5, I don't blame you."
FIRST BROADCAST: 23rd May 1997
TEAMS: Ian Hislop & Sue
Perkins; Paul Merton
& Eve
Pollard
ROUND ONE - FILM CLIPS:
Ian & Sue: Labour MP accused of cash indiscretions
Paul & Eve: Tobacco sponsorship of sport abolished
Ian & Sue: Prescott orders water companies to plug leaks
Paul & Eve: Parents complain about the Teletubbies
Scores: Ian & Sue 4; Paul & Eve 4
ROUND TWO - TABLOID HEADLINES:
Ian & Sue: 'OOOH AAAH, MOVIE STAR!'
Eric
Cantona makes a film
Paul & Eve: 'LOTTCHA!'
Sun
lottery hack defects to Mirror
Scores: Ian & Sue 6; Paul & Eve 6
ROUND THREE - ODD ONE OUT:
Paul: Franz Schubert; Al Capone; Henry VIII; Bill Clinton
(Clinton,
as all the others suffered from syphilis)
Eve - Cherie Booth; Harriet Harman; Eleanor Roosevelt; Kermit Roosevelt
(Kermit, as all the others kept their maiden names after marriage)
Sue - Mark Morrison; Peter Mandelson; Joan Collins; Robert Maxwell
(Mandelson, as all the others have cried in court)
Ian - Rupert Allason; Glenda Jackson; John Prescott; Madonna
(Allason,
as all the others have worked as waiting staff)
Scores: Ian & Sue 9; Paul & Eve 9
ROUND FOUR - MISSING WORDS:
Guest Publication: IN BED WITH EVE (from the SUNDAY MIRROR)
FERGIE ON __________ HUNT
PICK
UP __________ AND START MOVING YOUR HIPS
QUEEN MAY SHARE __________ WITH BLAIR
EATING BETWEEN THE SHEETS CAN BE __________
__________
MAKES YOU LIVE LONGER
Final Scores: Ian & Sue 9; Paul & Eve 15
"Good
evening and welcome to 'Have I Got News For You' and if you are watching the
Saturday night repeat of this show, don't worry, the incident with the sheep has
been edited out."
FIRST BROADCAST: 30th May 1997
TEAMS: Ian Hislop & Martin
Clunes;
Paul Merton & Michael
Parkinson
ROUND
ONE - FILM CLIPS:
Ian & Martin: Blair has secret
meeting with Thatcher
Paul & Michael: Protestors
evicted from tunnel at Manchester Airport
Ian & Martin: All-female
expedition to the North Pole
Scores: Ian & Martin 4; Paul & Michael 4
ROUND
TWO - TALK SHOW CLASSICS:
Ian & Martin - Oliver Reed dances with his trousers down
Paul & Michael - Russian guests throw water at each other and start a fight
Scores: Ian & Martin 5; Paul & Michael 5
ROUND
THREE - ODD ONE OUT:
Paul
& Michael:
Dolly the Sheep; Richard Branson; Abdala Bucaram; Jimmy Hill
(Branson,
as all the others were shaved for charity)
Ian & Martin: Barbara
Cartland; Alan Bean; Ernest Foster*; Wallace and Gromit
(Foster,
as all the others have been refused attempts to have a street named after them)
*Ernest Foster was a wartime soldier who
saved a baby during a shoot-out in Italy, and the town now has a Piazza Ernest
Foster.
Scores: Ian & Martin 8; Paul & Michael 8
ROUND
FOUR - MISSING WORDS:
Guest Publication: HOT DIP GALVANIZING
BLAIR: I WANT TO FORGE __________
__________
HAS A NEW FACE
__________
TOPS THE CHARTS
__________
TURNED OFF BY GNOMES
'BIG
IS BEAUTIFUL' SUMS UP __________
__________
GOES BLUE IN COOLER
__________
IN CHEESE ROLL
Final Scores: Ian & Martin 10; Paul & Michael 11
"Good
evening and welcome to 'Have I Got News For You', and a message for anyone
watching at home - get out of my house."
FIRST BROADCAST: 6th June 1997
TEAMS: Ian Hislop & Dominic
Holland;
Paul Merton & Dr
Germaine Greer
ROUND ONE - FILM CLIPS:
Paul & Germaine: Dorrell pulls
out of Tory leadership battle
Ian & Dominic: Government
launches children's summer schools
Paul & Germaine: Row over
Camelot bosses' pay rise
Ian & Dominic: China muscles in
on Hong Kong handover ceremony
Scores: Ian & Dominic 4; Paul & Germaine 4
ROUND TWO - TABLOID HEADLINES:
Ian & Dominic: 'UPS AND
GOWNS OF A PRINCESS'
Auction
to sell off 79 of Diana's dresses
Paul & Germaine:
'ENGLAND'S GREEN UNPLEASANT LAND'
Australian
tourist guide book slags off England
Scores: Ian & Dominic 6; Paul & Germaine 6
ROUND THREE - ODD ONE OUT:
Paul & Germaine - Jim Fixx; Brohunnel Scholl; Alfred Nobel; Louis XVI
(Nobel, as all the others were killed by
their own inventions)
Ian & Dominic - Paddy Ashdown; George Bush; David Hockney; Biggles
(Hockney,
as all the others have jumped out of an aeroplane)
Scores: Ian & Dominic 8; Paul & Germaine 10
ROUND FOUR - MISSING WORDS:
Guest Publication: BATTERIES INTERNATIONAL
FROG
TORIES GET __________ AT POLLS
__________
JOKES POPE
TURKEY
TO FACE __________
__________
GIVES YOU BACK YOUR LIFE
__________
TESTS ON SQUID
Final Scores: Ian & Dominic 8; Paul & Germaine 13
SERIES SCORE: Ian 5; Paul 3
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