EPISODE
5:
FIRST
BROADCAST: 22nd November 1997
TEAMS: Ian Hislop & Arabella
Weir; Paul Merton & Arabella
Weir; Paul Merton & Tony
Livesey
ROUND ONE - FILM CLIPS/TABLOID HEADLINES:
Paul
& Tony: Windsor Castle
restored, five years after the fire
Ian & Arabella: Increase in NHS
waiting lists
Paul & Tony: ‘FARCICAL
SECRETS OF THE EARLY JAMES BOND’
80
year old MI5 files released
Ian & Arabella: ‘SPICE UP THE
CLASSICS’
Girl
singing group become classical answer to the Spice Girls
Scores: Ian & Arabella 4; Paul & Tony 4
ROUND TWO - SUNDAY SPORT STORIES:
Ian & Arabella - Hitler is housepainter in Germany
Paul & Tony - Queen Mother stalked by killer plant
Ian & Arabella - Binman turns into a dog
Paul & Tony - Double-decker bus found at the North Pole
Scores: Ian & Arabella 5; Paul & Tony 8
ROUND THREE - ODD ONE OUT:
Paul & Tony - Roger Cook; Peter Davies; Desperate Dan; Humphrey the Downing Street cat
(Davies,
as all the others have retired)
Ian & Arabella - Martin Amis; Michael Portillo; William Shakespeare;
Christopher Robin
(Shakespeare,
as all the others have had poets for fathers)
Scores: Ian & Arabella 6; Paul & Tony 10
ROUND FOUR - MISSING WORDS:
Guest Publication: SUNDAY SPORT
BLAIR: I THINK I'M __________
__________
FOUND IN CABINET OFFICE
SUICIDAL
TOAD SAVED BY __________
CRACK
HIDDEN __________
SORRY
FOLKS, NO __________
Final Scores: Ian & Arabella 6; Paul & Tony 13
EPISODE
6:
"Good evening and welcome to 'Have I Got News For
You', the only comedy show on Friday night which isn't an American sitcom."
(canned laughter followed by new title logo outside BBC headquarters)
FIRST
BROADCAST: 29th November 1997
TEAMS: Ian Hislop & Hattie
Hayridge; Paul Merton
& Warren
Mitchell
ROUND ONE - FILM CLIPS:
Paul
& Warren: Proposal to raise the
legal smoking age to 18
Ian & Hattie: The Spencers get
divorced
Paul & Warren: Government
announces public owned land to be sold
Ian & Hattie: Rumours over the
welfare of Humphrey the Downing Street cat
Scores: Ian & Hattie 4; Paul & Warren 4
ROUND TWO - TABLOID HEADLINES:
Paul & Warren: ‘J'ACCUSE:
TREE-LOVERS’
New
French chief of Railtrack wants to cut down troublesome trees
Ian & Hattie: ‘GIRLS ON TOP’
Girls
prove brainier when not taught with boys
Scores: Ian & Hattie - 6; Paul & Warren 6
ROUND THREE - ODD ONE OUT:
Paul & Warren - the Emperor Claudius; Demosthones; George VI; Martyn Lewis
(Claudius, as all the others had their stutters cured)
Ian & Hattie - Jonathan Aitken; Tony Blair; Mardi Akisari; the Iraqi
football team
(Aitken,
as all the others have been flogged without returning the favour)
Scores: Ian & Hattie 8; Paul & Warren 10
ROUND FOUR - MISSING WORDS:
Guest Publication: COIL WINDING INTERNATIONAL
FATTEST WRESTLER IN SUMO __________
__________
SOLD TO TURKEY
MUTANT
RATS ON __________
SECRET
__________ UNMASKED *
BLOKES
ARE RUBBISH AT __________
*
In error, the answer to this headline wasn't covered by the black square.
Final Scores: Ian & Hattie 11; Paul & Warren 13
EPISODE
7:
"Good evening and welcome to the show that gets
stuck into politicians with the gloves off. Or gloves on, should we risk
the full internal."
FIRST
BROADCAST: 6th December 1997
TEAMS: Ian Hislop & Jeff
Green; Paul Merton & Brian
Sewell
ROUND ONE - FILM CLIPS/TABLOID HEADLINES:
Ian & Jeff: Paymaster-General's
offshore tax haven found
Paul & Brian: Global warming
conference in Japan
Ian & Jeff: ‘PETER PANNED’
Stringfellow
tops boys' poll of worst role models
Paul & Brian: ‘TOONY BLAIR’
Cartoon
satire of Blair in '2000 AD' magazine
Scores: Ian & Jeff 6; Paul & Brian 2
ROUND TWO - ARTWORK:
Ian & Jeff - Hogarth painting "Tete a tete"
Paul & Brian - Bullock display "Super Structure Satellite"
Ian & Jeff - Hirst display "The Physical Impossibility Of Death In The
Mind Of Someone Living"
Paul & Brian - Van Gogh painting "Sunflowers"
Scores: Ian & Jeff 12; Paul & Brian 4
ROUND THREE - MISSING WORDS:
Guest Publication: THE TROMBONIST
HAS __________ A FUTURE IN BRITAIN?
HAVE
__________ WILL TRAVEL
HAGUE
DEVISES __________ FOR TORIES
CABBIES
CUT UP ROUGH OVER __________
__________:
IS THERE A CURE?
__________
KILLS OFF THE OFFICE ROMANCE
Final Scores: Ian & Jeff 16; Paul & Brian 9
EPISODE
8:
"Good evening and welcome to the special Yuletide
edition of 'Have I Got News For You' which like Christmas itself, features a lot
of people watching a television screen and arguing with each other."
FIRST
BROADCAST: 13th December 1997
TEAMS: Ian Hislop & Alan
Davies; Paul Merton &
Matthew
Parris
ROUND ONE - FILM CLIPS:
Paul & Matthew: Protests
against cuts in single parent benefits
Ian & Alan: Beef on the bone
banned in BSE scare
Paul & Matthew: Branson fails
to fly around the world in a balloon
Ian & Alan: ITV launch rival
show to the Teletubbies
Scores: Ian & Alan 4; Paul & Matthew 4
ROUND TWO - ODD ONE OUT:
Paul & Matthew - Michael Howard; William Hague; Earl Spencer; Konishke*
(Hague, as all the others have married models)
Ian & Alan - Michael Howard; Mohamed Al Fayed; the National Anthem; a
pregnant woman on a bus
(the
woman, as all the others insist on people standing when in their presence)
*Konishke is a Sumo wrestler.
Scores: Ian & Alan 16; Paul & Matthew 14
(Angus
persuaded to award ten extra points to each team)
ROUND THREE - WHEEL OF FORTUNE:
Paul & Matthew: ‘AND FINALLY’
Pet
hamster awarded free school bus pass
Ian & Alan – ‘HIT, MISS OR MAYBE’
Israeli
transsexual Dana International enters Eurovision
Paul & Matthew: ‘AND FINALLY’
Question
gone, miss a turn
Ian & Alan: ‘FOREIGN NEWS’
Man
cans some colonial air from Hong Kong and sells it after China take over
Paul & Matthew: ‘HIT, MISS OR
MAYBE’
Question
gone, miss a turn
Ian & Alan: ‘WHAT HAPPENED
NEXT?’
Fight
breaks out between two paparazzi during 'Fame' photocall
Scores: Ian & Alan 18; Paul & Matthew 18
ROUND FOUR - MISSING WORDS:
Guest Publication: PARKING NEWS
SCHOOL SWEPT BY __________
__________
IN THE NEWS
__________
SPEAK WELSH
CHORISTER SACKED FOR __________ IN CHURCH
Final Scores: Ian & Alan 20; Paul & Matthew 21
Series
Score: Ian 2, Paul 6
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