"Good
evening and welcome to the show which comes to you later than usual because of
the BBC coverage of World Cup cricket, but we can promise it won't happen again
as Sky are bidding for the rights next year."
FIRST BROADCAST: 14th May 1999
TEAMS: Ian Hislop & Stephen
Fry; Paul Merton & Richard
Littlejohn
ROUND ONE - FILM CLIPS/TABLOID HEADLINES:
Paul & Richard: NATO bombs Chinese Embassy in Belgrade by
accident
Ian & Stephen: Chris Patten appointed EC commissioner
Paul & Richard: ‘1ST
CLASS POSE’
Royal
Mail issue new stamps of Prince Edward and Sophie Rhys-Jones
Ian & Stephen: ‘CURTAINS FOR
NET MANIAC’
Secrecy
breaker puts MI6 officers' details on the Net
Scores: Ian & Stephen 4; Paul & Richard 4
ROUND TWO - THE DUMBING DOWN OF
TELEVISION:
Paul & Richard - Japanese cable channel which follows man around a small
flat
Ian & Stephen - the new-look BBC News
Scores: Ian & Stephen 6; Paul & Richard 5
ROUND
THREE - ODD ONE OUT:
Paul - Leonardo DiCaprio; Agrapena; Simon Le Bon; Harold Wilson
(Agrapena,
as all the others nearly drowned in boating accidents)
Richard - Helen Mirren; Prince Charles; Alexander McQueen; Noddy
(Noddy,
as all the others have fathers who run taxis)
Ian - Duchess of York; Sean Connery; Rupert Murdoch; the Spice Girls
(the
Duchess of York, as all the others are tax exiles)
Stephen - Bill Clinton; Robert Maxwell; TS Eliot; Sweeney Todd
(Eliot,
as all the others are the subject of musicals)
Scores: Ian & Stephen 12; Paul & Richard 6
ROUND FOUR - MISSING WORDS:
Guest Publication: LINEDANCER
STRAW FOUND FAYED __________
__________ HAD FIRST SWIMMING TRUNKS
BAD DOG, NO __________ FOR YOU
ANY FOOL CAN __________
__________
FOR QUESTIONS
Final Scores: Ian & Stephen 13; Paul & Richard 12
"Good
evening and welcome to 'Have I Got News For You' which this week has placed a
gag on me mentioning Manchester United's superb title win, and like most of the
gags tonight, it's failed completely."
FIRST BROADCAST: 21st May 1999
TEAMS: Ian Hislop & Meera
Syal; Paul Merton & Brian
Sewell
ROUND
ONE - FILM CLIPS:
Ian & Meera: Commons bill to limit disabled rights
Paul & Brian: Tom Parker-Bowles caught with cocaine
Ian & Meera: Asian cricket fans arriving for the World Cup are
quizzed to see if they are genuine
Paul & Brian: Abolition
of trial by jury and tarts' cards in phone boxes
Scores: Ian & Meera 4; Paul & Brian 4
ROUND TWO - TABLOID HEADLINES:
Paul & Brian: ‘THERE'S
NO POETRY IN MOTION’
Appointment
of Andrew Motion as the new Poet Laureate
Ian & Meera: ‘MAY THE
SALESFORCE BE WITH YOU’
Merchandise
for the new Star Wars film "The Phantom Menace"
Scores: Ian & Meera 6; Paul & Brian 6
ROUND THREE - ODD ONE OUT:
Paul & Brian - Eddie Stobart; Mo Mowlam; Princess Anne; Chris Eubank
(Mowlam, as all the others have HGV licences)
Ian & Meera - Pam Ayres; Jonathan Aitken; Dominic Lawson; a Furby
(Ayres,
as all the others were accused of being spies)
Scores: Ian & Meera 9; Paul & Brian 7
ROUND FOUR - MISSING WORDS:
Guest Publication: EDDIE STOBART FAN CLUB NEWS
WOMEN HAVE MORE __________
PINOCCHIO KNEW THE TRUTH: __________
MY WIFE IS __________ MAD
__________
IS FERGIE'S LATEST PROBLEM?
Final Scores: Ian & Meera 11; Paul & Brian 13
"Good
evening and welcome to the programme in a week when at least one couple's task
of narrowing down their wedding guest list has been made that little bit
easier."
FIRST BROADCAST: 28th May 1999
TEAMS: Ian Hislop & Sir
Jimmy Savile; Paul Merton
& Diane
Abbott MP
ROUND ONE - FILM CLIPS:
Paul & Diane: Lawrence Dallaglio entrapped over drugs by the
News Of The World
Ian & Jimmy: Topless photos of Sophie Rhys-Jones published by
the Sun
Paul & Diane: Government restricts the Freedom of Information
bill
Ian & Jimmy: Manchester United win the European Cup
Scores: Ian & Jimmy 4; Paul & Diane 4
ROUND TWO - TABLOID HEADLINES:
Paul & Diane: ‘NUCLEAR
TAKE-AWAY’
Chinese
spies stealing American nuclear secrets
Ian & Jimmy: ‘THE BAD
HATTER’
Prolific
bank robber with lots of hats is identified from cardboard cut-out
Scores: Ian & Jimmy 6; Paul & Diane 6
ROUND THREE - ODD ONE OUT:
Paul - Michael Portillo; Clive Anderson; Diane Abbott; Ribena
(Portillo,
as all the others have performed with Michael Portillo)
Diane - Jim Bowen; the Duke of Edinburgh; Margaret Beckett; Roger Moore
(the
Duke of Edinburgh, as all the others are keen caravanners)
Ian - Gerry Adams; Salvador Dali; Hugh Hefner; Debbie Harry
(Harry,
as all the others gave interviews to Playboy magazine)
Jimmy - Edward VII; Fidel Castro; Punch magazine; Monica Lewinsky
(Castro,
as all the others have had cigars named after them)
Scores: Ian & Jimmy 10; Paul & Diane 8
ROUND
FOUR - MISSING WORDS:
Guest Publication: LOG HOME LIVING
FARMER SWAPPED __________ FOR __________
STOP
DREAMING, START __________
__________ 'AT ALL-TIME LOW', SAY TV PRODUCERS
CORNWALL
THREATENED BY __________
Final Scores: Ian & Jimmy 10; Paul & Diane 14
*Jimmy presented Ian with a "Jim'll Fix It" badge and the theme
tune that show was used to close the episode.
"Good evening and before we start, an apology to the Ipswich Evening Argus who were clearly offended by Brian Sewell's comments on this show about the unattractiveness of Suffolk women. (picture of the front page shown) 'Brian Sewell, we think you look like the back end of a bus'. They went on: 'It's out of order. Sewell was wrong. He should have a night out in Ipswich.' Punishment indeed."
FIRST BROADCAST: 4th June 1999
TEAMS: Ian Hislop & Pauline
McLynn; Paul Merton &
Edward
Stourton
ROUND ONE - FILM CLIPS:
Ian & Pauline: Prince Charles expresses concern over GM foods
Paul & Edward: Fear over Kashmir crisis-related clash between
India and Pakistan cricket fans in the World Cup
Ian & Pauline: EC rule that Brits have to be quieter on Sundays
Paul & Edward: Blunkett tells education boards to make exams
easier
Scores: Ian & Pauline 4; Paul & Edward 4
ROUND TWO - TABLOID HEADLINES:
Ian & Pauline: ‘DIAL M
FOR MAYHEM’
BT
changes the phone codes again
Paul & Edward: ‘SEX IS
BACK IN SUSSEX’
Return
of sculpture "The Kiss" to art gallery after long ban
Scores: Ian & Pauline 6; Paul & Edward 6
ROUND THREE - ODD ONE OUT:
Paul - Marilyn Monroe; Karl Marx; James Major; Prince Edward
(Major,
as all the others chose June 18th for their wedding)
Edward - Trevor McDonald; Martyn Lewis; Duchess of York; a sheepdog
(Lewis,
as all the others had their TV programmes axed)
Ian - the Kray twins; Peter Mandelson; the Duchess of Windsor; Jimmy
Savile
(the Duchess of Windsor, as all the others called their mothers 'the Duchess')
Pauline - Peter Brooke; Charlotte Nielsen; Donald Finlay; Rumpelstiltskin
(Nielsen, as all the others sang songs they later regretted)
Scores: Ian & Pauline 10; Paul & Edward 8
ROUND FOUR - MISSING WORDS:
Guest Publication: NONE
MARGARET COOK TAKES __________
BBC SPENDS £40M ON __________
TELESCOPE WILL SHOW LITTLE __________
LIGHT
SNACK FOR __________
Final Scores: Ian & Pauline 13; Paul & Edward 12
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