"Good
evening and welcome to the first 'Have I Got News For You' since the arrival of
Greg Dyke, who has pledged to streamline the BBC by getting rid of redundant,
grey-suited middle men, so welcome to my last show."
FIRST BROADCAST: 14th April 2000
TEAMS: Ian Hislop & Stephen
Fry; Paul Merton & David
Shayler
ROUND ONE - FILM CLIPS:
Paul & David: Author David Irving loses libel battle over Nazi
sympathies
Ian & Stephen: Hansie Cronje takes money for forecasting cricket
results
Scores: Ian & Stephen 2; Paul & David 2
ROUND TWO - ESPIONAGOMETER:
Paul - MI5 file on John Prescott
David - MI5 building at Thames House infiltrated by IRA terrorist
Ian - plot to assassinate Colonel Gadaffi
Stephen - spies mislaying their laptops in pubs
Scores: Ian & Stephen 6; Paul & David 7
ROUND THREE - ODD ONE OUT:
Paul - Greg Dyke; Prince Charles; Dominic Lawson; Pierre-Yves Gerbau
(Prince
Charles, as all the others have had trouble getting into the Millennium Dome)
David - Whisky & Soda*; Ronnie Biggs; Mohamed Al Fayed; the
Queen
(Whisky
& Soda, as all the others don't have passports)
Ian - David Puttnam; Ruth Rendell; Michael Ashcroft; David & Victoria
Beckham
(Ashcroft,
as all the others have designed their own coats of arms)
Stephen - Joan of Arc; Harry Potter; Brian Mawhinney; Jonathan Aitken
(Potter, as all the others claim to have heard the voice of God)
*Whisky & Soda are former Hong Kong governor Chris Patten's two dogs.
Scores: Ian & Stephen 13; Paul & David 7
ROUND FOUR - MISSING WORDS:
Guest Publication: TRANSGENDER COMMUNITY NEWS
SUPER SALMON TO __________
DROP IT! I'M __________
EAT YOUR WAY TO __________
__________
TO BE USED IN FIGHT AGAINST CRIME
Final Scores: Ian & Stephen 14; Paul & David 9
"Good
evening and welcome to the new 21st century interactive 'Have I Got News For
You' which, with the flick of a single button, viewers can now switch off."
FIRST BROADCAST: 21st April 2000
TEAMS: Ian Hislop & Dominic
Holland; Paul Merton
& Lord
David Steel
ROUND ONE - FILM CLIPS:
Ian & Dominic: Russian president Vladimir Putin visits Britain
Paul & David: 'Grey Monday' on Wall Street
Ian & Dominic: Conservatives plan to set up barracks for asylum
seekers
Paul & David: Celebrities declare support for London Mayor
candidates
Scores: Ian & Dominic 4; Paul & David 4
ROUND TWO - TABLOID HEADLINES:
Paul & David: ‘TAILORS
IN HAMSTERJAM’
Jacket
made out of 100 hamsters
Ian & Dominic: ‘GIRLS
ON THE PULL’
More
women are getting drunk
Scores: Ian & Dominic 6; Paul & David 6
ROUND THREE - ODD ONE OUT:
Paul & David - Margaret Beckett; Jan Calmont*; Jin & Kin*; the
Metropolitan Police
(Beckett,
as all the others have released records)
Ian & Dominic - Jonny Lee Miller; Jorge Haider; Rhodri Morgan; a
Womble
(Haider, as all the others have run the London Marathon)
(*Jan
Calmont was a French woman who became the world's oldest at the age of 126,
while Jin and Kin are Japanese, and at over 100 years old, the world's oldest
twins.)
Scores:
Ian & Dominic 10; Paul & David 8
ROUND FOUR - MISSING WORDS:
Guest Publication: AMERICAN TAXIDERMIST
TESTOSTERONE CAN IMPROVE __________
A GRAN DAY FOR __________
THE EASIEST WAY TO MOUNT __________
ARCTIC EXPLORER TRIES __________
__________ FOR PANDAS
SAS
CROSS-DRESSER IN __________
Final Scores: Ian & Dominic 14; Paul & David 10
"Good evening and welcome to 'Have I Got News For You' which last week got higher ratings than 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?' - but only because it wasn't on."
FIRST BROADCAST: 28th April 2000
TEAMS: Ian Hislop & Michael
Brown; Paul Merton & Max
Clifford
ROUND ONE - FILM CLIPS:
Ian & Michael: Conservatives support jailed farmer Tony Martin
Paul & Max: Cuban boy's father wants him back from America
Ian & Michael: Mayoral candidates continue to campaign
Paul & Max: Mudbath at Silverstone for the British Grand Prix
Scores: Ian & Michael 4; Paul & Max 4
ROUND
TWO - TABLOID HEADLINES:
Ian & Michael: ‘CUSTARD-COLOURED
MOUSE AND ITS 149 FRIENDS’
The
Pokemon phenomenon
Paul & Max: ‘WUFF
JUSTICE’
Dog
owner prosecuted after her pet takes stick from park
Scores: Ian & Michael 8; Paul & Max 4
ROUND THREE - ODD ONE OUT:
Paul & Max - Thomas the Tank Engine; Rover cars; Prince Edward; Nick
Brown
(Brown, as all the others have been publicised by Sophie Rhys-Jones)
Ian & Michael - Jonathan Aitken; James Hewitt; Anil Bhoyrul;
Christine Hamilton
(Hamilton,
as all the others have been booked to appear as guests on her chat show)
Scores: Ian & Michael 8; Paul & Max 8
ROUND
FOUR - MISSING WORDS:
Guest Publication: PASTRY ART & DESIGN
__________ FOUND AT BUCKINGHAM PALACE
ST.GEORGE LIVED __________
MUTANT LOBSTER IS __________
__________ - THE MOST IMPORTANT COMPETITION IN THE WORLD
__________
WAS RIGHT UP NAPOLEON'S STREET
Final Scores: Ian & Michael 11; Paul & Max 9
"Good
evening and good news for viewers who have seen all 154 episodes of this
programme - the nurse will be along with your medication shortly."
FIRST
BROADCAST: 5th May 2000
TEAMS: Ian Hislop & Angela
Rippon; Paul Merton &
Peter
Kilfoyle MP
ROUND
ONE - FILM CLIPS:
Ian & Angela: Anti-capitalist protestors riot in central London
Paul & Peter: Voting begins in London Mayoral race
Ian & Angela: New P&O cruise liner breaks down
Paul & Peter: Clinton makes a home video
Scores: Ian & Angela 4; Paul & Peter 4
ROUND
TWO - TABLOID HEADLINES:
Paul & Peter: ‘NAKED
CHEFS’
Book
of recipes published with nude pictures of high-society ladies
Ian & Angela: ‘BARD
LUCK CAROL’
Carol
Vorderman fails to answer Shakespeare question on celebrity version of "Who
Wants To Be A Millionaire?"
Scores: Ian & Angela 6; Paul & Peter 6
ROUND THREE - ODD ONE OUT:
Ian - Ruby Wax; Madonna; Tony Blair; Adolf Hitler
(Hitler,
as all the others have dated film film directors)
Angela - Princess Margaret; Betty Boothroyd; Vinny Jones; Oliver Cromwell
(Cromwell, as all the others have taken ballet lessons)
Peter - Loyd Grossman; Anna Ford; Neil Kinnock; Tipper Gore
(Gore,
as all the others play the guitar)
Paul - Shaun Ryder; Tommy Lee; Alan Clark; Peter Mandelson
(Ryder,
as all the others have owned dogs which have bitten people)
Scores: Ian & Angela 9; Paul & Peter 10
ROUND
FOUR - MISSING WORDS:
Guest Publication: FREEMASONRY TODAY
NASA ALERTED AS __________ FALL FROM THE SKY
VIRGIN
ISLANDS GET __________
NIGEL KENNEDY FEELS LIKE __________
CORNWALL
IN FAVOUR OF __________
Final Scores: Ian & Angela 12; Paul & Peter 13
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