"Good evening and welcome to 'Have I Got News For You' in a week when the BBC announced it would like Ali G to spearhead its Friday night comedy output, so I'd just like to say 'Booyakasha, and a big up to the Islington massive'."
FIRST BROADCAST: 12th May 2000
TEAMS: Ian Hislop & Sheila
Hancock; Paul Merton
& Robert
Reed
ROUND ONE - FILM CLIPS:
Ian & Sheila: Phoenix Group buys Rover from BMW
Paul & Robert: Ken Livingstone becomes London Mayor
Ian & Sheila: Mirror reprimanded by PCC over share-dealing
Paul & Robert: ILOVEYOU virus wipes many of the world's
computers
Scores: Ian & Sheila 4; Paul & Robert 4
ROUND TWO - UNIVERSALLY CHALLENGED:
1: Which Shakespeare play features the famous sea battle of Actium won by
Octavius Caesar?
A: Anthony & Cleopatra ("MAGDALEN: HISLOP")
BONUS: What was the name of the character played by Sheila Hancock in the
film "Carry On Cleo"?
A: Senna Pod (answered correctly)
2: Who is the youngest person ever to have addressed the Conservative Party
conference?
A: Laura Etheridge (not answered)
BONUS: How did William Hague distinguish himself on his first day at
school?
A: He got upset because he didn't like jigsaws (not answered)
3: Which Conservative MP defected to Labour recently over his... (question
interrupted)
A: Shaun Woodward ("PRESTATYN COMPREHENSIVE: REED")
BONUS: Shaun Woodward's brother Leslie was revealed to have had a sex
change earlier this year. To what has he changed his name?
A: Lesley (answered correctly)
4: According to the Sunday Times, when he accedes to the throne, what will
Prince Charles call himself?
A: George VII (not answered)
BONUS: On a recent visit to Australia, how did Prince Philip ruin £1,000
worth of lemon ricotta cheese?
A: He refused to wear a hat ("OPEN: HANCOCK")
5: Earlier this year, the Department of Education pulped 48,000 posters designed
to promote literacy. What was the reason?
A: A spelling mistake ("PRESTATYN COMPREHENSIVE: REED")
BONUS: The word spelt incorrectly was 'vocabulary'. How do you spell it?
A: I-T (not answered)
6: Who won the final of this year's "University Challenge"?
A: Durham University ("PRESTATYN COMPREHENSIVE: REED")
*Gong sounds to signal end of game*
(Ian was announced as MAGDALEN: HISLOP as he attended Magdalen College,
Oxford; Sheila was OPEN: HANCOCK as she is doing an Open University degree;
Robert was PRESTATYN COMPREHENSIVE: REED as that is the name of the school he
was still attending at the time of recording; and Paul was announced as MERTON:
MERTON as it sounded funny)
Scores: Ian & Sheila 8; Paul & Robert 11
ROUND THREE - ODD ONE OUT:
Paul & Robert - James Cagney; Vladimir Putin; Dawn Airey; William
Hague
(Hague, as all the others are judo black belts)
Ian & Sheila - Prince Philip; Peter Tatchell; Chris Woodhead; Matthew
McDonald
(McDonald,
as all the others were Head Boys at school)
ROUND FOUR - MISSING WORDS:
Guest Publication: None.
DRIVER NICKED FOR EATING __________
I HAD THAT __________ IN THE BACK OF MY CAB
TORY
ANGER OVER __________
Final Scores: Ian & Sheila 12; Paul & Robert 14
"Good
evening and welcome to the programme attacked this week by one viewer who wrote
to complain about the random way the points are allocated on the grounds that
'the level of money wagered on the outcome of this show increases week on
week'. So our apologies to Mr Joseph Wall of Newark, and one point to Ian."
FIRST BROADCAST: 19th May 2000
TEAMS: Ian Hislop & Clive
Anderson; Paul Merton
& Liza
Tarbuck
ROUND ONE - FILM CLIPS:
Paul & Liza: BBC refuses to screen Queen Mother's 100th birthday
pageant
Ian & Clive: Labour split over joining the Euro
Paul & Liza: Two aeroplanes come to close to crashing at
Heathrow
Ian & Clive: Government announces '9 to 5' prison sentences
Scores: Ian & Clive 5; Paul & Liza 4
ROUND
TWO - TABLOID HEADLINES:
Paul & Liza: ‘DANISH
PASTING’
Arsenal
and Galatasaray fans clash in the streets of Copenhagen before the UEFA Cup
final
Ian & Clive: ‘NEW LABOUR
PAINS’
Heavily
pregnant Cherie Blair does her last court case, fighting the Government over
parental leave rights
Scores: Ian & Clive 7; Paul & Liza 6
ROUND THREE - ODD ONE OUT:
Paul - Robert Mugabe; Richard Branson; Majorie Longdin; Louis XIV
(Branson,
as all the others have won the Lottery)
Liza - Arthur Scargill; Uri Geller; Michael Winner; Chris Evans
(Evans,
as all the others have been rejected by "This Is Your Life")
Ian - Michael Portillo; Peter Sissons; John Lennon; Jimmy Tarbuck
(Portillo,
as all the others went to the same school in Liverpool)
Clive - the Queen; Jimmy 'Five Bellies' Gardner; Jonathan Aitken; a
cockroach
(the cockroach, as all the others have been electronically tagged)
ROUND
FOUR - MISSING WORDS:
Guest Publication: RUG HOOKING
__________ IS BEATEN UP BY FROZEN CHICKEN
'SUPERGRAN'
WON'T __________
__________ NEED TO BE VIEWED FROM A DISTANCE
__________
NO LONGER COMPULSORY AT OXFORD
Final Scores: Ian & Clive 11; Paul & Liza 12
"Good
evening and welcome to the show in the week when Ian Hislop was asked in the
Independent: 'If you could go on holiday with Paul Merton or Angus Deayton,
which would you choose and why?', to which he replied 'I would stay at home on
my own'. So that's a relief for us both."
FIRST BROADCAST: 26th May 2000
TEAMS: Ian Hislop & Jon
Snow;
Paul Merton & Dr
Phil Hammond
ROUND
ONE - FILM CLIPS:
Paul & Phil: Cherie Blair gives birth to a baby boy
Ian & Jon: British troops in Sierra Leone
Paul & Phil: Child expert calls for ban on Musical Chairs
Ian & Jon: Millennium Dome chairman forced to resign
Scores: Ian & Jon 4; Paul & Phil 4
ROUND
TWO - TABLOID HEADLINES:
Paul & Phil: ‘THE CLONE
ARRANGERS’
Government
gives go-ahead for cloning of human organs
Ian & Jon: ‘MERCURY IS RISING’
Controversy
over Freddie Mercury-lookalike winning "Stars In Their Eyes"
Scores: Ian & Jon 6; Paul & Phil 6
ROUND THREE - ODD ONE OUT:
Paul - Geoffrey Boycott; Ken Livingstone; Prince Charles; Julie Andrews
(Livingstone, as all the others have had roses named after them)
Phil - Charles Darwin; Charles Dickens; Edward Elgar; cocaine
(Darwin,
as all the others have been a on a banknote)
Ian - Henry Kissinger; Oliver Reed; Gerald Kaufman; Mel C
(Reed,
as all the others have stormed out of interviews)
Jon - Trevor McDonald; Vladimir Putin; Tim Rice; Clacton Library
(the
library, as all the others have not returned late library books)
Scores: Ian & Jon 8; Paul & Phil 13
ROUND
FOUR - MISSING WORDS:
Guest Publication: CATFISH INSIDER
YELTSIN DRANK __________ SAYS NORMA
LIVE LOBSTERS AND A GIANT COD MAKE __________
ALL __________ ARE LIARS
BRITISH
ARMY FULL OF __________ SAYS GERMAN MINISTER
Final Scores: Ian & Jon 11; Paul & Phil 16
"Good evening and welcome to the millions of you who have tuned in purely because you saw this in the News Of The World: 'Angus Deayton has landed Madonna as a guest on his hilarious quiz show'. Yes, that's right - welcome to the show that brings you newspaper clippings that aren't true."
FIRST
BROADCAST: 2nd June 2000
TEAMS: Ian Hislop & Richard
Wilson; Paul Merton &
Michael
Brunson
ROUND ONE - FILM CLIPS:
Ian & Richard: Government attacks Oxford over elitism
Paul & Michael: Fiasco over NHS questionnaire of patients
Ian & Richard: Northern Ireland assembly reconvenes
Paul & Michael: Belgian police stage practice riot to prepare
for Euro 2000
Scores: Ian & Richard 5; Paul & Michael 4
ROUND
TWO - TABLOID HEADLINES:
Paul & Michael: ‘THE
PAIN OF BEING CHUCKED BY YOUR BOYFRIEND’
Catapulted
woman breaks pelvis after bouncing out of the net
Ian & Richard: ‘AITKEN'S
$4M SWISS BANK ACCOUNT’
Stash
of cash found in Aitken's name, despite his plea of bankruptcy
Scores: Ian & Richard 7; Paul & Michael 6
ROUND
THREE - ODD ONE OUT:
Paul & Michael - Albert Einstein; Saddam Hussein; Christopher Robin;
Oedipus
(Oedipus, as all the others married their cousins)
Ian & Richard - Kevin Keegan; Denis Thatcher; Lord Hailsham; Michael
Brunson
(Brunson, as all the others have kissed Margaret Thatcher)
ROUND FOUR - MISSING WORDS:
Guest Publication: THE WALL PAPER
WWW. ________ .COM
TEXAS PRISONER FAILS IN ATTEMPT TO __________
HAVE I GOT __________ FOR YOU
ELECTRIC SHOE CAN __________
TOMATO
MODIFIED TO FIGHT __________
Final Scores: Ian & Richard 16; Paul & Michael 10
Series Score: Ian 4; Paul 4
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