EPISODE 5:

"Good evening and welcome to the show which for many, marks the end of one
week and the beginning of a migraine."

FIRST BROADCAST: 26th October 1990
TEAMS: Ian Hislop & Dillie Keane; Paul Merton & Simon Hoggart

ROUND ONE - FILM CLIPS:

Ian & Dillie:  Ted Heath visits Saddam Hussein

Paul & Simon:  Development of male contraceptive pill

Ian & Dillie:  American jury convicts Welsh drug smuggler

Paul & Simon - Spanish truck drivers strike

Scores: Ian & Dillie 4; Paul & Simon 4

ROUND TWO - TABLOID HEADLINES:

Paul:  'COPS LOSE AT SOCCER..SO THEY NICK THE REF' 

Police football team try to arrest the ref

Simon:  'JAILHOUSE ROCKERS GO ON THE RUN AGAIN'

Prison rock group escape after being allowed to perform in public

Dillie:  'VOTING'S SEXY FOR MADONNA'

Madonna does public service video to encourage people to vote

Ian:  'GADAFFI DREAMS OF A GREEN SAHARA'

Gadaffi plans to plant 40,000 plastic trees in the desert

Scores: Ian & Dillie 7; Paul & Simon 9

ROUND THREE - CONNECTIONS:

Ian & Dillie - Guinness fraudster treated too well in jail

Paul & Simon - Parkinson reveals contract offered on Sarah Keays' life

Scores: Ian & Dillie 8; Paul & Simon 11

ROUND FOUR - ARCHIVE:

Ian & Dillie - Cabinet minister walks out after insult by Robin Day

Paul & Simon - BBC News invaded by lesbian protestors

Scores: Ian & Dillie 11; Paul & Simon 13

ROUND FIVE - ODD ONE OUT:

Paul - Margaret Thatcher; Bob Hawke; Ken Dodd; Paul Gascoigne 

(Dodd, as all the others have cried on TV)

Simon - David Steel; Terry Wogan; Geoffrey Howe; David Bellamy 

(Howe, as all the others have made records)

Dillie - Prince Philip; Alistair Burnet; Princess Margaret; Michael Fagin
(Burnet, as all the others have shared the Queen's bed)

Ian - Rupert Murdoch; Alvin Stardust; Robert Maxwell; John Gummer 

(Maxwell, as all the others are born-again Christians)

Scores: Ian & Dillie 16; Paul & Simon 17

ROUND SIX - MISSING WORDS:

Ian & Dillie:

__________ FOUND IN SUPERMARKET SALMON

LIVE DAYTIME TV MORE BORING THAN A DEAD

KEN AND MAGGIE'S WOBBLY __________

SOME OF MY BEST FRIENDS WERE __________ SAYS FERGIE

Paul & Simon:

GUNMAN WORE __________

MAJOR SPLASHES OUT BILLIONS TO BUY __________

DINOSAUR FOUND IN __________

THE DAY SADDAM FINALLY TUNED IN TO

Final Scores: Ian & Dillie 22; Paul & Simon 20

EPISODE 6:

"Good evening and welcome to the show that some people are already calling 'that news quiz thing on Friday nights'."

FIRST BROADCAST: 2nd November 1990
TEAMS: Ian Hislop & Rory McGrath; Paul Merton & Ken Livingstone MP

ROUND ONE - FILM CLIPS:

Ian & Rory:  Derek Hatton arrested on corruption allegations

Paul & Ken:  Predicted hurricane doesn't arrive

Ian & Rory:  Hole found in Channel Tunnel

Paul & Ken:  Celebrity party at Number Ten

Scores: Ian & Rory 5; Paul & Ken 4

ROUND TWO - TABLOID HEADLINES:

Paul:  'SECRET IS OUT AS MISS KGB IS SPIED'

KGB female agents in beauty contest

Ken:  'MP GETS A BUSTED FLUSH'

John Prescott soaked by faulty train lavatory

Rory:  'ROBBO MOET WEG'

Bobby Robson slagged off as coach of PSV Eindhoven

Ian:  'GOD IS SENT THREE POLL TAX DEMANDS'

Council send bills to Father, Son and Holy Ghost

ROUND THREE - CONNECTIONS:

Ian & Rory - film planned about Pamella Bordes

Paul & Ken - list drawn up of Satanic items, including Care Bears and the Beatles

Scores: Ian & Rory 11; Paul & Ken 10

ROUND FOUR - ARCHIVE:
-
Ian & Rory - Archer speech about poor rail services

Paul & Ken - Heseltine outburst over Westland affair

Scores: Ian & Rory 15; Paul & Ken 12

ROUND FIVE - ODD ONE OUT:

Paul - Jonathan Ross; Lord Runcie; Richard Branson; Geoffrey Howe 

(Runcie, as all the others have been seen in public without their trousers)

Ken - Richard Crossman; the Queen; Derek Hatton; Adolf Hitler 

(the Queen, as all the others have had diaries published in the Sunday Times)

Rory - Saddam Hussein; John F Kennedy; Charles de Gaulle; Ken Dodd (Dodd, as
all the others have had airports named after them)

Ian - Captain Kirk; Lord Denning; Cher; Arthur Scargill (Scargill, as all
the others wear wigs)

Scores: Ian & Rory 20; Paul & Ken 14

ROUND SIX - MISSING WORDS:

Paul & Ken:

SIX __________ IN NEIL'S CABINET

I WANT TO PLAY BOND, SAYS __________

ON-THE-SPOT FINES FOR __________

GORBACHEV'S WEARING __________

Ian & Rory:  

TORY MPS TO __________ ON DOGS

BUSH: I HAVE HAD __________
'TEACH THE POLICE TO __________'

THE __________ CECIL JUST CAN'T FORGET

Final Scores: Ian & Rory 22; Paul & Ken 24

EPISODE 7:

"Good evening and welcome to those of you who are watching 'Monty Python' and haven't switched off yet, to those who have switched over for 'News At Ten' and hit the wrong button, and to those who have gone away and set the video to record 'Twin Peaks' and still haven't worked out how to use the timer." 

FIRST BROADCAST: 9th November 1990
TEAMS: Ian Hislop & Clive Anderson; Paul Merton & Russell Davies

ROUND ONE - FILM CLIPS:

Ian & Clive - BSB and Sky merge

Paul & Russell - The Sun's 'two-fingers at France' campaign

Ian & Clive - Heseltine's public popularity level increases

Paul & Russell - Terry Marsh acquitted of attempting to murder boxing promoter

Scores: Ian & Clive 4; Paul & Russell 4

ROUND TWO - TABLOID HEADLINES:

Paul:  'THE 'BANANA BANDIT' WHO SLIPPED UP'

Man holds up bank with a banana

Russell - EXEMPT: THE HOLY CHURCH OF GNOME - postman sets up 'gnome church'
to avoid paying poll tax

Clive:  'I KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO BE A WOMAN' 

Pete Townshend claims to be female

Ian:  'OIL LOOKS WELL FOR PRINCE FILL-UP!' 

Oilwell found in Windsor Castle grounds

Scores: Ian & Clive 6; Paul & Russell 10

ROUND THREE - CONNECTIONS:

Ian & Clive - Tory MP complains about Gulf hostages' families

Paul & Russell - survey shows more people know the seven dwarves than they do the Cabinet

Scores: Ian & Clive 8; Paul & Russell 12

ROUND FOUR - ARCHIVE:

Ian & Clive - Geoffrey Howe sings taxman song

Paul & Russell - Heseltine announces reductions in paper usage

Scores: Ian & Clive 10; Paul & Russell 13

ROUND FIVE - ODD ONE OUT:

Paul - Norman Willis; Norman Tebbit; Lord Hailsham; Kenneth Baker 

(Tebbit, as all the others are amateur poets)

Russell - David Sheppard; Princess Anne; Anthony Blunt; Jeffrey Archer
(Blunt, as all the others represented England at sport)

Clive - John Lennon; Paul McCartney; Ringo Starr; Derek Hatton 

(Starr, as all the others attended the Liverpool Institute)

Ian - Enoch Powell; Neil Kinnock; David Owen; Winston Churchill 

(Kinnock, as all the others changed political party)

Scores: Ian & Clive 13; Paul & Russell 15

ROUND SIX - MISSING WORDS:

Ian & Clive:

VOTERS WANT THATCHER TO __________

ATTENTION DRIFTS AS KINNOCK SPEAKS TO HIS __________

LET THEM EAT __________ FOR SCHOOL DINNER
WIFE OF SADDAM SNAPS UP £350M __________

Paul & Russell:

FLYING DOCTOR PRESCRIBES A TWO-WEEK __________ FOR FERGIE
CLIFF IS STILL A BIG __________ AT 50

SOOTY'S SECRET HOLD ON __________
LOCAL PARTY PUTS A __________ UP HESELTINE

Final Scores: Ian & Clive 19; Paul & Russell 21

EPISODE 8:

"Good evening and welcome to the show which for many has become that unwelcome intrusion into an otherwise perfectly enjoyable weekend."

FIRST BROADCAST: 16th November 1990
TEAMS: Ian Hislop & Dr Germaine Greer; Paul Merton & Tony Banks MP

ROUND ONE - FILM CLIPS:

Ian & Germaine:  Heseltine stands for Tory leader

Paul & Tony:  Cleese praises Prince Charles for his TV skills

Ian & Germaine - media burial corner of Westminster Abbey announced

Paul & Tony:  Japanese emperor gets enthroned

Scores: Ian & Germaine 4; Paul & Tony 4

ROUND TWO - TABLOID HEADLINES:

Paul:  'A TOMATO DIALS 999'

Tomato plant drops on to answerphone, alerting the anti-theft device

Tony:  "'DIRTY TRICKS' PROBE INTO LIB DEMS"

Councillors accused of dirty tricks against Labour

Germaine:  'IT'S THE PIG OR ME, SAYS WIFE'

Wife issues ultimatum of pet Vietnamese pig

Ian:  'THINK OF A NUMBER ON HOLIDAY, PLEADS BT'

BT ask staff to steal phone books from holiday destinations

Scores: Ian & Germaine 6; Paul & Tony 10

ROUND THREE - CONNECTIONS:

Ian & Germaine - Tory MP taped calling Thatcher a 'cow'

Paul & Tony - revelation that Major was once refused bus conductor job

ROUND FOUR - ARCHIVE:

Ian & Germaine - Thatcher corrected by Ridley at overseas aid press conference

Paul & Tony - Iranian bankers in religious dance

Scores: Ian & Germaine 12; Paul & Tony 11

ROUND FIVE - ODD ONE OUT:

Paul - Lord Lucan; Josef Mengle; Shergar; Jeremy Beadle 

(Beadle, as all the others are missing)

Tony - Prince Philip; Prince Charles; Peter Sellers; Mozart 

(Prince Charles, as all the others are masons)

Germaine - Nigel Lawson; Nicholas Ridley; Cecil Parkinson; Denis Thatcher
(Parkinson, as all the others have been married twice)

Ian - Sylvester Stallone; Meryl Streep; Robert de Niro; a can of Pedigree Chum dog food 

(the dog food, as all the others are Hollywood actors)

ROUND SIX - MISSING WORDS:

Ian & Germaine:

TARZAN? HE'S NO GOOD IN A __________ BLASTS WILLIE
THATCHER FAVOURS __________ AS HER SUCCESSOR

CRACKDOWN ON PERIL OF KILLER __________ IN ROADS

SCHOOLS KEPT GOING BY __________

Paul & Tony:  

I WILL STAY __________ FOR YEARS, VOWS PM

FURY AT ANDERTON BAN ON __________

I WAS __________ SAYS DJ DEREK

MAJOR TRIES TO KEEP __________ ALIVE

Final Scores: Ian & Germaine 18; Paul & Tony 21

SERIES SCORE: Ian 2, Paul 6

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