EPISODE
1:
"Welcome to a brand new series of 'Have I Got News For You', now on BBC1
for the first time, although we would like to assure our regular BBC2 viewers
that the move to mainstream television will in no way affect the show's content.
(dancing girls high-kick across the studio) Good evening, I'm Carol
Smillie."
FIRST BROADCAST: 20th October 2000
TEAMS: Ian Hislop & Richard
Blackwood; Paul Merton &
John
Simpson
ROUND ONE - FILM CLIPS:
Paul & John - Queen visits the Pope at the Vatican
Ian & Richard - Mandelson claims he was pressured into accepting house loan
Paul & John - Middle East violence and peace talks
Ian & Richard - Enigma machine sent to Paxman
Scores: Ian & Richard 4; Paul & John 4
ROUND TWO - PARTY CONFERENCES:
Paul & John - Labour Party conference
Ian & Richard - Conservative Party conference
Scores: Ian & Richard 6; Paul & John 6
ROUND THREE - ODD ONE OUT:
Paul & John: Robbie Williams; Mel B; Prince William; Slobodan
Milosevic
(Milosevic, as all the others have been victims of trick photography)
Ian & Richard - Vinny Jones; Margaret Beckett; Robin Cook; Richard Faulds
(Cook, as all the others have provoked complaints from neighbours)
Scores: Ian & Richard 8; Paul & John 9
ROUND FOUR - MISSING WORDS:
Guest Publication: AMERICAN WINDOW CLEANER
SHOCK POLL: PUBLIC SAY __________
THERE'S
A LOT OF __________ OUT THERE
__________ BY SEA LIONS SHOCKS SCIENTISTS
DYKE DITCHES __________
WIRELESS
BRA PROMISES __________
Final Scores: Ian & Richard 10; Paul & John 13
EPISODE
2:
"Good evening and welcome to 'Have I Got News For You' where debate still
rages after last week's show with viewers such as Mr Nicholas Miles sending
photographs to prove that Paul Merton has never resembled Ann Widdecombe."
FIRST BROADCAST: 27th October 2000
TEAMS: Ian Hislop & Lauren
Booth; Paul Merton and Andrew Rawnsley
ROUND ONE - FILM CLIPS:
Ian & Lauren - new Speaker elected
Paul & Andrew - Blair makes pro-environment speech
Ian & Lauren - kangaroos spotted on golf course
Paul & Andrew - party planned to close the Dome
Scores: Ian & Lauren 4; Paul & Andrew 4
ROUND TWO - TABLOID HEADLINES:
Ian & Lauren: 'LEAK HOUSE'
MPs'
plush new offices have design faults
Paul & Andrew: 'SOME DAY MY PLINTH WILL COME'
New
statues planned for London
Scores: Ian & Lauren 6; Paul & Andrew 6
ROUND THREE - ODD ONE OUT:
Paul - Leo Blair; Dylan Zeta Jones; Rocco Ritchie; William Hague
(Hague,
as all the others have been victims of cybersquatting)
Andrew - Gordon Brown; Kenneth Clarke; David Beckham; the Pope
(Brown,
as all the others have owned Ford Escorts)
Lauren - Robert Kilroy-Silk; Mick Hucknall; Barbara Follett; Kiyichi
Meazawa
(Follett, as all the others have been vomited on)
Ian - Peter Mandelson; Geoffrey Robinson; Benino Kiki; Cliff Richard
(Mandelson, as all the others have accommodated the Blairs on holiday)
Scores: Ian & Lauren 8; Paul & Andrew 10
ROUND FOUR - MISSING WORDS:
Guest
Publication: RABBITING ON
NASA TESTS FLYING __________
HAGUE'S __________ WITH THE LADIES
SEARCH
ON FOR BRITAIN'S TOP __________
Final Scores: Ian & Lauren 11; Paul & Andrew 13
EPISODE
3:
"Good evening and welcome to BBC1 viewers. For those of you tuning in to
see the 'Nine O'Clock News', I'm afraid this is not the 'Nine O'Clock News',
although of course it's not 'Not The Nine O'Clock News' either, it's 'Have I Got
News For You'. I hope that clears things up."
FIRST BROADCAST: 3rd November 2000
TEAMS: Ian Hislop & Dr Germaine
Greer; Paul Merton &
Charles
Kennedy MP
ROUND ONE - FILM CLIPS
Ian & Germaine - nationwide flooding
Paul & Charles - fuel crisis looms after sixty-day deadline
Ian & Germaine - Presidential candidates appear on talk shows
Paul & Charles - Prince Edward's company in financial trouble
Scores: Ian & Germaine 4; Paul & Charles 4
ROUND TWO - TABLOID HEADLINES:
Ian & Germaine: 'SVEN CAN YOU START BOSS?'
Sven
Goran Eriksson appointed new England football manager
Paul & Charles: '£1M TO PPP-PICK UP PENGUINS'
Project
to restore fallen penguins to their feet
Scores: Ian & Germaine 6; Paul & Charles 6
ROUND THREE - ODD ONE OUT:
Paul & Charles - Ian Hislop; Germaine Greer; Charles Kennedy, Paul Merton
(Merton, as all the others have been named on 'power' lists)
Ian & Germaine - Peter Mandelson; Vladimir Putin; Mo Mowlam; Charles Kennedy
(Kennedy, as all the others have electronically bugged people)
ROUND FOUR - MISSING WORDS:
Guest Publication: DOORKNOB COLLECTOR
__________ ON DISPLAY
GIRLS PREFER __________ TO __________
WANTED
- __________
Final Scores: Ian & Germaine 10; Paul & Charles 10
*Paul won on a 'stone, paper, scissors' tie-break, choosing scissors ahead of
Ian's stone.
EPISODE
4:
"Good evening and welcome to 'Have I Got News For You' (fish bubbles
across screen) coming to you this week live from York."
FIRST BROADCAST: 10th November 2000
TEAMS: Ian Hislop & Rich
Hall; Paul Merton & Siôn Simon
ROUND ONE - FILM CLIPS:
Ian & Rich - chaos over Presidential election result
Paul & Siôn - attempted diamond robbery at the Dome
Ian & Rich - fuel taxes cut
Paul & Siôn - flooding continues
Scores: Ian & Rich 4; Paul & Siôn 4
ROUND TWO - TABLOID HEADLINES:
Ian & Rich: 'HASH YOU LIKE IT'
Traces
of marijuana found in Shakespeare's pipe
Paul & Siôn: 'ARCHAEOLOGIST IN A HOLE'
Japanese
archaeologist revealed as a cheat
Scores: Ian & Rich 6; Paul & Siôn 7
ROUND THREE - ODD ONE OUT:
Paul - Al Gore; Tony Blair; the Queen; the Little Mermaid
(the
Mermaid, as all the others have received Billy the Singing Bass fish as gifts)
Siôn - David Beckham; Jenson Button; Ann Widdecombe; Gary
Porter
(Porter,
as all the others have been caught speeding)
Rich - Ronald Reagan; John Major; Gerhard Schroeder; George W Bush
(Reagan,
as all the others have been recorded making gaffes)
Ian - Mel B; the FA Cup; Saddam Hussein; Steve McFadden
(McFadden,
as all the others have doubles)
Scores: Ian & Rich 10; Paul & Siôn 9
ROUND FOUR - MISSING WORDS:
Guest Publication: AMERICAN DRYCLEANER
FILM CENSOR WANTS __________
AT
LAST A FULLY AUTOMATIC __________
__________ IN DOGFIGHT
ROBOTS
TO DELIVER __________
Final Scores: Ian & Rich 13; Paul & Siôn 12
*Due to the American election confusion over points, Angus declared Paul's
team the winner for accumulating less.
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