FIRST BROADCAST: 22nd May 1992
TEAMS: Ian Hislop & Danny
Baker; Paul Merton & Steve
Steen
ROUND ONE - FILM CLIPS:
Ian & Danny: Perot goes ahead in USA opinion polls
Paul & Steve: Country hit by hosepipe ban
Ian & Danny: Paul Gascoigne joins Lazio
Paul & Steve: Hippie convoy descends on Worcestershire
Scores: Ian & Danny 4; Paul & Steve 4
ROUND TWO - TABLOID HEADLINES:
Paul: ‘ANTS HOLD SECRET TO
BUG-FREE BT SYSTEM’
telecommunications
system rejigged using the habits of ants
Steve: ‘THE UGLIES ARE
SITTING PRETTY’
legislation
to stop people with physical faults being discriminated against
Danny: ‘BAD NEWS HELEN,
IT'S ANOTHER FONDUE SET:
flamboyant
wedding gift list issued by Lady Helen Windsor
Ian: ‘EDWINA GAY LOVE
SHOCKER’
Currie
calls for gay age of consent to be lowered to 16
Scores: Ian & Danny 6; Paul & Steve 10
ROUND THREE - ARCHIVE:
Ian & Danny - Heseltine walks out of Channel 4 News programme
Paul & Steve - National Front party political broadcast
Scores: Ian & Danny 8; Paul & Steve 12
ROUND FOUR - ODD ONE OUT:
Paul - Mao Tse Tung; Ronnie Biggs; the Queen; Mr Harold Blumental of
Victoria Square, Birmingham
(Biggs,
as all the others have appeared on a postage stamp)
Steve - Norma Major; Chris Patten; Roger Moore; Una Stubbs
(Patten,
as all the others have modelled knitting patterns)
Danny - Paul Gascoigne; Nigel Kennedy; Chris Eubank; Prince Andrew
(Kennedy,
as all the others have won awards for Best Dressed Man)
Ian - Robert Maxwell; Cyril Smith; Marilyn Monroe; Derek Jameson
(Maxwell,
as all the others were born out of wedlock)
Scores: Ian & Danny 10; Paul & Steve 15
ROUND FIVE - MISSING WORDS:
Ian & Danny:
KINNOCK LEAVES HIS __________ ON THE SHELF FOR NOW
BLOCK HESELTINE __________ SAYS CECIL
POPE
AND CAREY AT ODDS ON __________
MURDOCH TO BID FOR SOLE RIGHTS TO __________
PEROT
SETS EXPERTS A POSER AS HE MOVES INTO __________
Paul & Steve:
HAPPY
ANNE LEAPS AT THE CHANCE OF A RIDE ON __________;
__________ 'DESCENDED FROM 2LB MONKEY'
MAGGIE IS A LADY BUT NOT A __________
FERGIE LEARNS HOW TO BE A __________
MELLOR
IS ON __________
Final Scores: Ian & Danny 16; Paul & Steve 21
"Good
evening and welcome to the show, and indeed anyone is that wants it."
FIRST BROADCAST: 29th
May 1992
TEAMS: Ian Hislop & Anne
Robinson; Paul
Merton & Griff
Rhys-Jones
ROUND
ONE - FILM CLIPS:
Ian & Anne: Sanctions imposed
on Serbia
Paul & Griff: Denmark votes not
to become part of the EC
Ian & Anne: Tycoon Alan Bond
jailed for dishonesty
Paul & Griff: Invention of
light bulb which lasts 18 years
Scores: Ian & Anne 4; Paul & Griff 4
ROUND
TWO - TABLOID HEADLINES:
Paul: ‘REFORMED GANGSTERS
TOE THE LINE’
Toes
grafted on to gangsters' hands to replace fingers cut off in show of solidarity
Griff: ‘I DO TRICKS...JUST
LIKE JESUS!’
Paul
Daniels claims that Biblical miracles can be done by conjurers
Anne: ‘I WILL MAKE A GREAT
MUM’
Hermaphrodite
waiter gets pregnant
Ian: ‘CHARLES DI BOOK
RIDDLE’
Tesco
refuse to stock Princess Diana biography
Scores: Ian & Anne 6; Paul & Griff 10
ROUND THREE - ARCHIVE:
Ian & Anne - St Helena governor falls off a boat
Paul & Griff - customs sniffer dog refuses to let go of a case
Scores: Ian & Anne 8; Paul & Griff 10
ROUND FOUR - ODD ONE OUT:
Paul
- Mark Thatcher; Ronnie Kray; April Ashley; the village of Whitwell
(Ashley, as all the others have twins)
Griff - Patrick Moore; Nancy Reagan; Adolf Hitler; Cher
(Moore,
as all the others are keen on astrology)
Anne - Colin Moynihan; Lester Piggott; Robert Kilroy-Silk; Mary
Whitehouse
(Piggott, as all the others have relatives who have been to jail)
Ian - the Queen; Robert Maxwell; Gislaine Maxwell; a kookaburra
(Robert
Maxwell, as all the others have had boats named after them)
Scores: Ian & Anne 13; Paul & Griff 13
ROUND FIVE - MISSING WORDS:
Ian & Anne:
FERGIE AT BEAUTY PARLOUR FOR __________
BUSH AND CLINTON 'ARE HIDING BEHIND __________'
RESEARCHERS FIND GIANT __________
MAJOR TO OFFER OWEN __________
TGWU
PICKS __________ AHEAD OF PRESCOTT
Paul & Griff:
HATTERSLEY SET TO MAKE A __________ ON TV
POLICE EAT __________
WOGAN TO BE ____________
THE LEADERSHIP GULF WIDENS AS GOULD WOOS __________
QUEEN
URGED TO GIVE BACK __________
Final Scores: Ian & Anne 17; Paul & Griff 19
"Good
evening and welcome to another thirty minute barrage of uneducated
guesswork."
FIRST BROADCAST: 5 June 1992
TEAMS: Ian Hislop & Stephen
Frost; Paul Merton & Stephanie
Calman
ROUND ONE - FILM CLIPS
Ian & Stephen - ?
Paul & Stephanie: Charles' biography serialised in the Sunday
Times
Ian & Stephen: Glut of older Conservatives put in the House of
Lords
Paul & Stephanie: Freemasonry open day
Scores: Ian & Stephen 4; Paul & Stephanie 4
ROUND TWO - TABLOID HEADLINES
Paul: ‘LAUGH? I NEARLY
SUFFERED A MAJOR AFFECTIVE PSYCHIATRIC DISORDER’
psychologist claims that happiness is a positive mental disorder
Stephanie: ‘A DUMMY RUN
WITH ALBERT, MY SILENT KNIGHT’
male
inflatable doll made to ensure safety of lone female drivers
Stephen - ''KILLER' AT COMMONS'
American
hitman and drug dealer working in Westminster kitchens
Ian: ‘WHAT A DOG'S
BREAKFAST’
Bob
Geldof and Paula Yates gets Channel 4 breakfast TV franchise
Scores: Ian & Stephen 6; Paul & Stephanie 10
ROUND THREE - ARCHIVE
Ian & Stephen - Denis Thatcher blanks interviewer during election campaign
Paul & Stephanie - Labour extremists throw flour bombs at Roy Jenkins
Scores: Ian & Stephen 6; Paul & Stephanie 12
ROUND FOUR - ODD ONE OUT:
Paul - Clement Freud; the Queen Mother; Freddie Starr; Party Politics
(Party
Politics, as all the others own horses)
Stephanie - Bill Wyman; 'Bunglaow' Bill Wiggins; Jerry Lee Lewis; Roman
Polanski
(Wiggins,
as all the others have admitted sleeping with underage women)
Stephen - David Steel; Kevin Keegan; Tony Blackburn; Rolf Harris
(Steel,
as all the others have had Top 40 hits)
Ian - Douglas Hurd; Rupert Allason; Salman Rushdie; Claire Rayner
(Rushdie,
as all the others are part-time novelists)
Scores: Ian & Stephen 8; Paul & Stephanie 16
ROUND FIVE - MISSING WORDS:
Ian & Stephen:
LIBYANS ADMIT THEY SUPPORTED __________
BUSH AND MAJOR AGREED TO __________ IN RIO
FREDDIE STARR KEEPS __________
DIANA TURNS TO __________
CHARLES
SECRETLY SHOPS FOR __________
Paul & Stephanie:
DELORS WARNS MAJOR: HANDS OFF MY __________
CUCUMBER FARMERS SEEK __________
BE NICE TO __________ CLARKE TELLS COPS
QUEEN CAUGHT IN __________
MAJOR
OPENS __________ IN S AMERICA
Final Scores: Ian & Stephen 14; Paul & Stephanie 18
"Good evening and welcome to another hedonistic flurry of inky pleasure."
FIRST BROADCAST: 12th June 1992
TEAMS: Ian Hislop & John
Sessions; Paul Merton
& Trevor
McDonald
ROUND
ONE - FILM CLIPS:
Ian & John: Thatcher visits the Falklands
Paul & Trevor: England football fans fight in Sweden
Ian & John: Decriminalisation of homosexuality in the armed
forces
Paul & Trevor: Japan vote to send troops to future international
wars
Scores: Ian & John 4; Paul & Trevor 4
ROUND TWO - TABLOID HEADLINES:
Paul: ‘TART WATCHDOG’
body
set up for customers to complain if they get poor service from prostitutes
Trevor: ‘QUAIL SHOWS HE KNOWS HIS
ONIONS’
Dan
Quayle misspells 'potato' during visit to school
John: ‘DINNER LADIES' TV ADS’
ad
campaign to promote school dinners
Ian: ‘PATIENT WAS TOLD TO TAKE
SHAMPOO BY THE SPOONFUL’
bogus
doctor imprisoned
Scores: Ian & John 8; Paul & Trevor 8
ROUND THREE - ARCHIVE
Ian & John - police unable to force their way into journalist's house
Paul & Trevor - American professors scuffle over anti-smoking
Scores: Ian & John 11; Paul & Trevor 10
ROUND
FOUR - ODD ONE OUT:
Paul - Yehudi Menuhin; Topol; Jeffrey Archer; Sherlock Holmes
(Archer,
as all the others are fiddlers)
Trevor - Princess Diana; Geoff Capes; Alison Halford; Jeffrey Archer
(Diana, as all the others used to be police officers)
John - Jeffrey Archer; Douglas Bader; Idi Amin; Muttley
(Archer,
as all the others were decorated with military honours)
Ian - Colin Cowdrey; John Mortimer; Michael Palin; Jeffrey Archer
(Archer,
as all the others were graduates of Brasenose College, Oxford)
Scores: Ian & John 16; Paul & Trevor 13
ROUND
FIVE - MISSING WORDS:
Paul & Trevor:
KINNOCK
PUTS THE BLAME FOR ELECTION DEFEAT ON __________
PRINCESS BREAKS __________ DURING VISIT
BUSH IS CAUGHT IN __________
PM TELLS ARGIES: __________
GUMMER'S
ROLE AS FARMERS' __________
Ian & John:
BAD LEGS FORCE MRS THATCHER TO MISS __________
DELORS HITCHES LIFT HOME WITH __________ STILL IN POCKET
YOBS LEFT ME __________ SAYS MELLOR
ROYALS
PUT ON __________ FOR BIRTHDAY PARADE
Final Scores: Ian & John 18; Paul & Trevor 23
"Good
evening and welcome to the news-packed programme that has more column inches
than Warren Beatty - allegedly."
FIRST BROADCAST: 19th June 1992
TEAMS: Ian Hislop & Norman
Willis; Paul Merton &
Lord
(Cecil) Parkinson
ROUND ONE - FILM CLIPS:
Ian & Norman: Lloyd's Names lose their money
Paul & Cecil: American faith healer does shows at Earl's Court
Ian & Norman: Dentists decide whether to leave the NHS
Paul & Cecil: Czechoslovakia splits up into two nations
Scores: Ian & Norman 2; Paul & Cecil 6
ROUND TWO - TABLOID HEADLINES:
Paul: ‘ICEMAN COMETH’
woman
asks to be impregnated with sperm from a frozen prehistoric man
Cecil: ‘STOP THE GRUNT’
Monica
Seles asked to stop grunting when she plays tennis
Norman: ‘HE'S
GUILTY...IT'S WRITTEN ALL OVER HIS EARS’
scientists
discover that ears can trap criminals like fingerprints
Ian: ‘WALT A CHEEK, FERGIE’
Duchess
of York jumps queues at Disneyland
Scores: Ian & Norman 4; Paul & Cecil 12
ROUND THREE - ARCHIVE:
Ian & Norman - Michael Foot's wife disappears under trees while campaigning
on open-topped bus
Paul & Cecil - fight breaks out during Conservative rally
Scores: Ian & Norman 6; Paul & Cecil 14
ROUND FOUR - ODD ONE OUT:
Paul - Harvey Proctor; Julian Critchley; Gary Lineker; Cecil Parkinson
(Proctor, as all the others have modelled shirts)
Cecil - Michael Foot; Nobby Stiles; Janet Street-Porter; Albert Steptoe
(Street-Porter, as all the others wear false teeth)
Norman - Michael Heseltine; Lal Krishnan Advani; Arthur Scargill; Danny
La Rue
(La
Rue, as all the others have won Radio 4's Man Of The Year award)
Ian - Margaret Thatcher; Margaret Thatcher; Margaret Thatcher; Mother
Theresa of Calcutta
(Mother
Theresa, as all the others have won Radio 4's Woman Of The Year award)
Scores: Ian & Norman 8; Paul & Cecil 17
ROUND FIVE - MISSING WORDS:
Ian & Norman:
BR TO TEST __________ FOR DRUGS ABUSE
YELTSIN LEAVES WASHINGTON IN __________
KINNOCK
WOULD CONSIDER OFFER OF __________
'QUEEN' MAY GO __________
IVANA
TRUMP DENIES AFFAIR WITH __________
Paul & Cecil:
MPS ASK FOR __________
SADDAM CASHES IN HIS __________
GAPS IN MELLOR'S __________
CHARLES AND DI TAKE __________ TRIP
CAPTAIN
BOB CONTINUES TO __________
Final Scores: Ian & Norman 12; Paul & Cecil 17
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