"Good
evening and welcome to 'Have I Got News For You' and thanks to Mr Greg Kyle of
Hornsea for the 35 anagrams of the title, ranging from 'O How Every Goat Is Fun'
to 'I Vote You Shag Ref Now'."
FIRST BROADCAST: 26th November 1993
TEAMS: Ian Hislop & Jimmy
Tarbuck; Paul Merton
& Vitali
Vitaliev
ROUND ONE - FILM CLIPS:
Ian & Jimmy: Prince Charles complains that the Government don't
value him
Paul & Vitali: The Secret Services are opened to the public
Ian & Jimmy: Libel trial over cheating in cricket
Paul & Vitali: Model of a house wins Turner Prize and a worst
prize award on same day
Scores: Ian & Jimmy 5; Paul & Vitali 4
ROUND TWO - TABLOID HEADLINES:
Paul: (this headline was
in Russian)
Gorbymania
goes into Oxford English Dictionary
Vitali: ‘AND NOW, LET US PAY’
Church
charges entrance fees
Jimmy: ‘I ALWAYS WANTED
HIM TO BE A TEACHER ANYWAY’
Father's
reaction to Graham Taylor's resignation as England football coach
Ian: ‘DSS APOLOGISES FOR
BARE CHEEK’
DSS
apologise to woman whom they told to become a nude model
Scores: Ian & Jimmy 9; Paul & Vitali 8
ROUND THREE - ODD ONE OUT:
Paul - Kenneth Baker; Sir Robin Day; Thor; a pancake
(Day,
as all the others have had days named after them)
Vitali - Adolf Hitler; Joseph Goebbels; Ted Heath; Derek Beacon
(Beacon,
as all the others were at the Nuremberg rallies)
Jimmy - John F Kennedy; Margaret Thatcher; Mr Blobby; the Biro brothers
(the
Biro brothers, as all the others suffered personal tragedy on November 22nd)
Ian - Stan Flashman; David Banks; Big Daddy; Harold Wilson
(Banks,
as all the others have been violent towards journalists)
Scores: Ian & Jimmy 11; Paul & Vitali 10
ROUND FOUR - MISSING WORDS:
Guest Publication: MEAT TRADES JOURNAL
Paul & Vitali:
__________ REVIVES DOWNING ST. DINNERS
__________ BEATS MANDY TO A JOB
MAJOR COMES OUT __________
JACKSON
AT CLINIC TO BEAT __________
Ian & Jimmy:
STREISAND GIVES UP __________
__________
SET FOR UK DEBUT
TEBBIT ATTACKS __________
THINK
__________
Final Scores: Ian & Jimmy 20; Paul & Vitali 14
"Good
evening and welcome to 'Have I Got News For You', or as it this week comes in
anagram form courtesy of Tim Hopkins of Luton 'You Heaving Woofters'. The merest
thanks to him and any further suggestions will be gratefully shredded."
FIRST BROADCAST: 3rd December 1993
TEAMS: Ian Hislop & Kathy
Burke; Paul Merton & Martin
Young
ROUND ONE - FILM CLIPS:
Ian & Kathy: Government admits secret talks with the IRA
Paul & Martin: VAT on fuel introduced in the Chancellor's budget
Ian & Kathy: Tycoon Roger Levitt gets community service on
fraudulent trading charge
Paul & Martin: The retirement of TV watchdog Mary Whitehouse
Scores: Ian & Kathy 4; Paul & Martin 4
ROUND TWO - TABLOID HEADLINES:
Paul: ‘TUBE TRAIN DRAMA’
Driverless
tube train runs out of control with Ian McKellern among the passengers
Martin: ‘BEWARE THE TEA
COSY’
Research
into accidents in the home involving bizarre items
Kathy: ‘CUBANS SET GAMES
RECORD’
Cuban
athletes defect in a boat from the Central American games
Ian: ‘YOU 'ORRIBLE LOT’
New
code of conduct to rid the Army of its boozy and rowdy image
Scores: Ian & Kathy 8; Paul & Martin 8
ROUND THREE - ODD ONE OUT:
Paul - Princess Diana; Camilla Parker-Bowles; Mae West; Francis Rossi
(Parker-Bowles, as all the others have had their images used on Royal Dalton
crockery)
Martin - John Major; Dr Doolittle; Percy Edwards; Norman Lamont
(Major,
as all the others impersonate animals)
Kathy - David Mellor; Peter Brooke; the singing nun; Milli Vanilli
(Milli
Vanilli, as all the others sang on television)
Ian - John Gummer; Michael Portillo; John Redwood; Peter Lilley
(Gummer,
as all the others were described as 'bastards' by John Major)
Scores: Ian & Kathy 13; Paul & Martin 10
ROUND FOUR - MISSING WORDS:
Guest Publication: HEATING & VENTILATION NEWS
Paul & Martin:
LEVITT: MY JUDGE WAS __________
ALL PENSIONERS GET __________
PROBLEMS WITH THE LAUNCH OF __________
ITV
GIANTS AGREE TO __________
Ian & Kathy:
__________ IS THE ULTIMATE
BRANSON'S
VOTED THE __________
CLARKE TAKES WHIP TO __________
ENGINEERS
FIND __________ STOPPED THE TUBE
Final Scores: Ian & Kathy 17; Paul & Martin 19
"Good evening and welcome to the show which we understand now goes out in
Belgium, Holland and Scandinavia, so for all our new viewers who may not be
entirely conversant in English, a very special cuttlefish ransack wombat beauty
forecast leg warmer."
FIRST BROADCAST: 10th December 1993
TEAMS: Ian Hislop & Maria
McErlane; Paul Merton
& Jon
Snow
ROUND ONE - FILM CLIPS:
Ian & Maria: Princess Diana launches a new Virgin aircraft after
saying she was retiring from public appearances
Paul & Jon: The start of Sunday trading
Ian & Maria: Repairs to the Hubble space telescope
Paul & Jon: People stay in coop to experience life as a battery
hen
Scores: Ian & Maria 4; Paul & Jon 4
ROUND TWO - TABLOID HEADLINES:
Paul: ‘SLOW, DRYER AHEAD!’
Man
stops speeding traffic by pointing hairdryer at it
Jon: ‘THIS MAN WILL TRY TO
ESCAPE’
Warder
opens envelope as required when prisoner in his care escapes, only to be told he
was likely to escape
Maria: ‘SAINTLY PATH TO A
PROFIT’
Pope
opens Vatican to the public
Ian: ‘MAGGIE ON THE RACK’
Thatcher
tells Scott inquiry she couldn't remember selling arms to Iraq
Scores: Ian & Maria 8; Paul & Jon 8
ROUND THREE - ODD ONE OUT:
Paul - Enver Hoxha; Flipper; Petra the Blue Peter dog; a snowflake
(the
snowflake, as all the others have had lookalikes)
Jon - Helen of Troy; Caligula; Mrs Lloyd-Webber; John Major
(Helen
of Troy, as all the others received real horses as gifts)
Maria - Richard Branson; the Queen; God; newsagent Arvind Patel
(God,
as all the others have broken Sunday trading laws)
Ian - Emma Freud; Spiral Tribe; Norman Lamont; the Sultan of Brunei
(Spiral
Tribe, as all the others have had squatters at their properties)
Scores: Ian & Maria 12; Paul & Jon 13
ROUND FOUR - MISSING WORDS:
Guest Publication: POULTRY WORLD
Ian & Maria:
AMERICA ADMITS TO 252 __________
SUPPORT FOR __________ ON TV
THE QUEEN MOTHER SAVES __________
YOU
DECIDE, MAJOR TELLS __________
Paul & Jon:
SEX LESSONS SHOULD STRESS __________ SAYS PATTEN
MY DAYS AS CLOSET HETEROSEXUAL, BY __________
JUDGES MAY BE PUT IN __________
NO
__________ AN ISLAND, SAYS SMITH
Final Scores: Ian & Maria 13; Paul & Jon 21
"Good evening and welcome to a programme at the end of which we will be
thirty minutes older and none the wiser."
FIRST BROADCAST: 17th December 1993
TEAMS: Ian Hislop & Maureen
Lipman; Paul Merton &
Lesley
Abdela
ROUND
ONE - FILM CLIPS:
Ian & Maureen: Edward Heath secures release of British hostages
in Iraq
Paul & Lesley: French film-makers complain about success of US
movies
Ian & Maureen: Bishop of Durham states there is no Hell
Paul & Lesley: Far right politician wins Russian elections
Scores: Ian & Maureen 4; Paul & Lesley 4
ROUND TWO - TABLOID HEADLINES:
Paul: ‘LAST CHANCE FOR A
KILLER GUIDE DOG’
Guide
dog which has killed four owners gets final opportunity to prove itself
Lesley: ‘NUCLEAR DUSTBIN
GETS THE GO-AHEAD’
New
nuclear plant to be built
Maureen: ‘SPICY SPUD MAN
GETS A BASHING’
Council
bans sale of vegetables in Cheltenham town centre
Ian: ‘THE PRIZE OF FAILURE’
Sacked
Cabinet ministers get huge pay-off
Scores: Ian & Maureen 8; Paul & Lesley 8
ROUND THREE - ODD ONE OUT:
Paul - Kenneth Clarke; Chris Donald; Michael Palin; Norman Lamont
(Lamont,
as all the others are trainspotters)
Lesley - Princess Diana; Prince Philip; John Harvey-Jones; Lord Denning
(Diana, as all the others have delivered the Dimbleby lecture)
Maureen - the Sultan of Brunei; Frank Sinatra; Richard Branson; Leslie
Grantham
(Grantham,
as all the others are generous tippers)
Ian - Heinrich Himmler; Paul Dacre; chief rabbi Lord Jakobovits; a
Y-chromosome
(the
Y-chromosome, as all the others have called for genetic research to end
homosexuality)
Scores: Ian & Maureen 12; Paul & Lesley 9
ROUND FOUR - MISSING WORDS:
Guest Publication: PARKING REVIEW
Paul & Lesley:
GUMMER BRACED FOR __________
DI TAKES WILLS TO SEE __________
__________ UPSET GEESE
ROCK
STAR'S __________ ANNOYS NEIGHBOURS
Ian & Maureen:
POLICE HORSE THROWS __________
__________ RESIGNS AS TORY LEADER
__________ IS KEY TO LIFE OF BLISS
WOMAN
WINS £20,000 AFTER __________
Final Scores: Ian & Maureen 17; Paul & Lesley 19
*The winners got a copy of the "Have I Got News For You" video, the
losers got a copy of "Paul Merton: The Series" video.
SERIES SCORE: Ian 2; Paul 6
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