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'HAVE I GOT NEWS FOR YOU'
Series 20, Episode 3
3rd November 2000
The national press will have a ball in the coming days as they gleefully and snobbily re-label Liberal Democrat leader Charles Kennedy as Minister For Have I Got News For You.
PICTURED: Charles Kennedy
The affable Scottish politician is one of the show's legends - the first Liberal
to appear on the programme, the man whose legendary "want to laugh but
can't" look after Ashdown infidelity jokes twice got him gently jibed by
the regulars, the man who famously got out of closed questioning by reading
Angus Deayton's autocue, and now as the first serving leader of one of the major
political parties to accept an invitation into the semi-circle.
Fleet Street's grumpiest Parliamentary hacks and commentators have taken to
scorning Charles as much as they can ever since he emerged as front runner to
take over the Liberal Democrat leadership. They branded him as a politician who
put appearances on light-hearted TV shows such as this ahead of his
constituents, his career and his principles. A serious allegation indeed.
But Charles is more astute than they gave him credit for. As his party is always
third in command and therefore less pressured, his amiable charm comes across so
much better on Have I Got News For You than any politician on the left or right
of his party. He can relax, he can take the swipes, he can have fun - and he can
win votes.
And boy, did he take the swipes. When Angus quoted the Mirror as saying Charles
was like Charlie Dimmock because they "are both redheads who like getting
their hands dirty", he added: "And without support". Charles
laughed.
Angus then cracked a gag about Labour aides listening in on Liberal Democrat
briefings, adding that they knew it was Charles' giving the briefing because of
the thudding and snoring sounds. Charles laughed.
PICTURED: Angus
looking somewhat shifty...
When a question about the USA's presidential election was asked, Ian Hislop
sniped: "Politicians there just go on cheap comedy shows" while
sneaking a look at Charles. He laughed.
And by no means was it one-way traffic. Asked by Angus what John Prescott's
response to the nationwide flooding was, Charles replied:
"Unintelligible?" He also managed to twist an untruth about his life
by telling Ian it appeared in Private Eye.
What makes this all the more amazing is that Charles was not the dominant factor
in an episode which by far outstrips the previous two of this 20th series.
Pleasingly, the whole show and the whole panel were the dominant factor. Ian was
at his scathing best, Angus had good news stories to get top rate monologues
about, and most tellingly of all, Paul Merton was back on song.
PICTURED: Ian demonstrates his concern over football matters...
The last two episodes have seen Paul stay alarmingly too subdued for the liking
of the viewer. This week, there was no need for such fear. He was happy, vibrant
and at his comedic best, in that he spoke up frequently without having a single
idea where he was going to end up.
On seeing footage of the flooding, Paul said: "Why buy a house in the
middle of the river?" On a remarkable Odd One Out round which featured the
four protagonists, the famously non-graduate Paul said: "Is it about
homosexual relationships at university?"
PICTURED: Odd One Out Round
Oh yes, the FOUR protagonists. Nearly forgot - feminist icon Dr Germaine Greer was, like her fellow guest, doing the show for the fifth time. Much the usual from her - intellectual theories and hypotheses designed not only to put her views across, but also to provide the long set-piece from the touchline on to which Ian or Paul would head home. She also had a smashing row with Ian (not quite up to the famous footwear barney of five years ago, but still) over the rights and wrongs of future fuel blockades.
PICTURED: Germaine Greer
In fact, we got many of the show's great traditions on this occasion, helped by, in no uncertain terms, the identities of the guests. A running gag (Paul's jetpacks, see last week's review) which should go on for a week or two yet; Hislop ignorance (the new England football coach and the debate over his nationality) which Ian palpably tried to explain; and renowned guest idiosyncrasies (Germaine's theories, self-deprecation from Charles) which all leads us to one conclusion. This was quality of the highest order - even the 'stone-paper-scissors' tiebreaker (the scores finished level for only the second time ever - and guess who was on that last time? A Mr Charles Kennedy MP) was impeccably dealt with. In case you're interested, Paul won by choosing scissors to Ian's paper.
PICTURED: The tiebreaker
Angus has had scant mention so far, so a couple of autocue gems are worthy of
repetition. Firstly, on the US election, he said that only 20 per cent of the
population will vote as "the other 80 per cent can't fit in the polling
booth." On the same issue, he said the US TV schedules had been
"non-stop Bush and Gore. A bit like Channel 5."
And his tour-de-force - on the new England coach, he said: "Eriksson will
bring Swedish work culture to the job. At his desk by eight o'clock in the
morning, and still trying to assemble it by seven in the evening."
While the eyes remain open for the remaining five recordings of this current
season, this episode will take some topping. It was the best for years.
'HAVE I GOT NEWS FOR YOU'
Series 20, Episode 4
10th November 2000
Last
time Rich Hall appeared on Have I Got News For You, he gave a memorable speech
about his views on Bill Clinton. "Smoked pot but didn't inhale, that's all
anyone knows about the president", said Hall, back in '96. "Anyone who
wastes good pot is going to waste taxpayers' money."
So in a week where the election of the world's most powerful person has run as
smoothly as Brian Blessed's chin, who better to invite back on to the show than
this consummate American cynic?
PICTURED: Rich Hall
Dry,
belligerent and risible, Rich (currently plugging a tour as a mock folk singer,
so this booking came in handy) took the bull straight by the horns when Angus
Deayton showed him clips of the farcical chase for the White House. On seeing
George W Bush and his famous parents, Rich snapped: "His father was
president but he is actually older than his father."
As we go online, the result of the election is still not known, thanks to the
multitude of recounts in Florida, stemming partly from the thicker section of
Florida's society's total inability to understand the ballot papers. Angus
showed the paper to Rich, who replied: "It says 'Gore/Lieberman', which
sounds like a chant at a Jewish bullfight."
Rich's bluff display kicked off a workmanlike episode in some style, though he
had his quieter moments as time pressed on. Having said that, no-one seemed in
really dominating form, although Paul Merton again proved that the programme is
made all the stronger if he is in the mood to kick up a stink. And even if he
isn't, the mere mention of a jetpack, his latest running watchword, has them
rolling in the aisles.
On the impending fuel blockades, Paul said: "You could combine the farmers
and the truckers and come up with a new name" - a waspishly droll comment,
but perhaps containing an important truth about the nation's changing attitude
towards the protesting hauliers and agriculturalists.
And on Ann Widdecombe's admission that she has the hots for Tom Jones, Paul
piped up: "I don't want to be unfair, but I think she's a long way back in
the queue."
It was Ian Hislop's turn to be subdued this week. No detectable reason leaps to
mind as to why, though the fact that he spent much of the opening few minutes
giggling at his guest's homeboy observations may have contributed. In truth, the
show reached a peak in its opening minutes with Rich's rantings, and never
really threatened to climb back to such heights again.
PICTURED: Ian Hislop
Paul's guest was News Of The World hack Siôn Simon, owner of a hugely irritating machine gun giggle and target of many a stab from Ian's magazine in recent months, as he is a renowned Blair sycophant and actively supports his hero in his column. Aside from a couple of thought-provoking observations (what happens to sandbags when there's no flooding and Gordon Brown reducing tax on fuel which no-one actually uses) his guesting was largely flat, though he did manage to lay the ground for Paul to add one or two decent punchlines.
PICTURED: Paul joins in the discussion centred around sandbags
Angus, who claimed the show was coming live from York as a graphic image of a fish swam and bubbled across his camera lens, had the usual clever array of autocue gags lined up. On an archaeologist who used his own possessions from home to plant 'discoveries', he said: "Suspicions were first aroused when he claimed to have dug up a 600,000 year old DVD player."
PICTURED: Angus accompanied by fish
And on the attempted diamond robbery at the Dome, he remarked: "The gang
planned to make their get away in a high powered speedboat. On to the A2 and
across Kent."
After the awesome episode we were spoilt with last week, which paraded two
guests with almost unequallable experience and comfort with the show, it was
inevitable that there would be a comedown, but pleasingly, it wasn't a huge
comedown. It is notable that the two people who stole most of the show were the
two professional comedians, which perhaps provides a dig in the ribs to
the powers-that-be.
PICTURED: Siôn Simon
Of course, such people make laughs their living, but this is a comedy show after all, and if there is a danger of one guest not coming up to scratch or providing their entertainment value through mere anecdotal potential or topicality, and not through humour, it is always worth installing a comic on the other team to balance it out. Case proven here - the anonymity of Siôn made us all the more grateful for the presence of Rich. For every Siôn, there should always be a Rich.