APPEARED:
KNOWN AS:
Retired
Crown Court judge who gained a reputation for being tough on female defendants
when sentencing. Now a journalist and author.
INTRODUCTION:
Angus
said that since retiring from the Bench, Pickles had become a columnist for the
Daily Sport, so his family were relieved he had finally found a respectable
profession.
BEST QUOTE:
When
Ian said it was a pleasure to be sitting opposite a judge, Pickles replied:
"It's a great pleasure to sit opposite somebody who should be in the
dock."
ANECDOTES: None.
GIVEN A HARD TIME?
Ian
made a few inevitable gags about the opinions and attitudes of judges, while
Pickles also got collared over a rather sexual section of his novel "Off
The Record" which was read out during a Book Excerpts round. He cared not,
as his novel was getting a hell of a plug.
OTHER OBSERVATIONS: None
really. Answered the questions and laughed at the right time.
COMMENTS FROM THE WEBMASTER: Ian versus a judge. That should make great
telly, but apart from the initial spat, the expected war of words between the
two hardly happened, which was a shame and by no means the fault of Pickles, who
showed an affinity with normality despite a reputation in his former profession
of ignorance and being out of touch. He did well, without truly being funny.
MARKS OUT OF TEN: Seven.
SHOULD THEY INVITE HIM BACK?
No, as he is now firmly out of the public eye. Better to invite another judge on and see how Ian reacts.
APPEARED:
KNOWN
AS: Restaurateur
with a short temper which was famously exposed during a fly-on-the-wall
documentary.
INTRODUCTION:
Angus
said that Ramsay was a former professional footballer who realised he was in the
wrong job when he asked for his half-time oranges to be served caramelized in a
raspberry parfait.
BEST QUOTE: Completed
the headline "CHARLES _______ ON BLAIR'S BACKSIDE" with
"dandruff".
ANECDOTES:
Told
of how he asked AA Gill to leave his restaurant and also candidly mentioned an
allegation that he had assaulted one of his chefs over the shape of a dessert.
GIVEN A HARD TIME?
When
he explained that he asked Gill to leave because he was being rude and
obnoxious, Ian retorted: "You want to keep that sort of thing in the
kitchen, don't you?", to which Ramsay smiled awkwardly. He also got stick
over not letting his staff watch the solar eclipse, and also for being miserly
because they only got cheese on toast for lunch.
OTHER OBSERVATIONS:
Ramsay
smiled a lot, though didn't have a great amount to smile about with the amount
of stick he took. He was also very hushed when speaking to the point where the
volume on the TV had to be adjusted accordingly.
COMMENTS FROM THE WEBMASTER:
Why
on earth was this man invited on the show? Ranting and raving at his staff at a
restaurant on his documentary made him a figure of fun, not a celebrity, and he
had no topicality or wit whatsoever. Ramsay was decent enough at answering the
questions but was so out of his depth when it came to sharpness, which he needed
in abundance considering the quantity of ridicule he must have known he would
get. Positive bits of his performance were rare, and his appearance in general
was one to forget. Angus and Ian had a field day with him.
MARKS OUT OF TEN: Three.
SHOULD THEY INVITE HIM BACK? No way.
APPEARED:
KNOWN AS:
Sixth-former who, at the age of 16, gave a speech to
the Conservative Party conference. The
youngest guest in the show's history.
INTRODUCTION:
Angus said Reed was a 17 year old who spoke eloquently
and persuasively at the Conservative Party conference, but the barman still
wouldn't serve him.
BEST QUOTE:
When he saw two hands exchange a ten pound note during
a Film Clip about the Rover sell-off, Reed said: "It was Stephen Byers'
pay-off."
ANECDOTES:
Reed told of how he went to Conservative Central Office
on work experience when he was 15, and was clearing away the coffee when William
Hague walked in, so he briefly got to meet him.
GIVEN A HARD TIME?
Reed seemed keen to have a go at Ian, which proved a
mistake when after one smart-alec comment too many, Ian roared back: "I've
only got a certain amount of patience, Robert!”
When Reed correctly named the party in charge of a local council, he
added that he had his 'finger on the pulse', to which Paul said: "I used to
do a lot of that at your age.” Reed
got fellow guest Sheila Hancock on his side when Angus, during a question about
computers, patronisingly asked him what his favourite game was.
They showed a clip of his speech at the Conference, when he cracked a bad
joke about Tony Blair. He didn't
look embarrassed, even though the joke didn't raise a laugh from the studio
audience.
OTHER OBSERVATIONS:
He needs to sort out his hair. It was slicked back and looked quite tidy when he was facing
a camera, but it flopped all over the place when he turned his head.
He also seemed to drink more water than anyone else ever has on the show.
COMMENTS FROM THE WEBMASTER:
Reed has a bright future in the political arena ahead
of him, whether you concur with his choice of party or not.
He was keen - as you would expect of an adolescent - but also eloquent,
intelligent, unafraid of the studio stage or the regular participants and, on
occasions, quite incisive in his comments.
His problem was over-exuberance, though Ian soon cut him down to size on
that, though admittedly Paul was grateful for that trait when Reed answered the
majority of questions on a "University Challenge”
parody round, which ultimately sealed victory. Reed seemed to enjoy himself, though if he sticks to
politics, he'll certainly go far.
MARKS OUT OF TEN: Seven and a half.
SHOULD THEY INVITE HIM BACK? Yes, when he wins his first council seat.
APPEARED:
KNOWN
AS: Lyricist mainly associated with writing the words to
the music of Andrew Lloyd-Webber.
INTRODUCTION:
Angus called him a much-loved, talented and youthful
songwriter who wrote the words to "Evita", "Chess" and this
introduction.
BEST QUOTE:
When Ian talked at length about a massage parlour close
to his office, Rice looked at him, pointed at his chest and asked: "Is that
the club tie?"
ANECDOTES: None.
GIVEN A HARD TIME? No.
OTHER OBSERVATIONS:
Renowned for being softly-spoken, the volume switch had
to be adjusted a little on occasions in order to hear him.
COMMENTS FROM THE WEBMASTER:
Rice is a loved and respected figure in all circles but
he isn't a satirist, even with time to think about assessing the week's events.
Very debonair and charming, and quite rightly admired for his talents,
but on this occasion, inviting him on the show was wrong.
He wasn't spectacularly bad, just mediocre.
He saved himself a little by laughing a lot at what was happening around
him. Admittedly, he may have fared
better had there not been such an obvious target for Ian on the other side, in
the shape of Prime Ministerial sibling Terry Major-Ball.
MARKS OUT OF TEN: Six.
SHOULD THEY INVITE HIM BACK?
Perhaps, provided the other guest isn't so topical as to be an obvious show-stealer.
APPEARED:
KNOWN AS:
British
author who had a death penalty issued by Muslims hanging over him for ten years
because they claimed his book "Satanic Verses" was blasphemous. Spent
much of that time in hiding.
INTRODUCTION:
Angus
said the guest originally booked to appear had pulled out, so they just went
into the street and grabbed the first person they saw, along with his nine
bodyguards.
BEST QUOTE:
On
England cricket coach Raymond Illingworth's decision to ban the team chaplain
from the dressing room, he said: "I think he should be sentenced to
death."
ANECDOTES: None.
As if he would have much to tell having been in hiding so long!
GIVEN A HARD TIME? A few playful jokes which he took well. When he
huffily corrected fellow guest Donna McPhail, she told him he should "get
out more". Paul immediately asked him if he had been anywhere nice on his
holidays lately, to which McPhail replied: "The bathroom."
OTHER OBSERVATIONS: Not many people have achieved this, but Rushdie
managed to correct Ian on a highbrow issue. When Ian teased Rushdie about
offending Buddhism, Rushdie swiftly replied: "They have no concept of
blasphemy, so it's quite difficult to blaspheme them." Following the show,
there was a lot of press criticising Rushdie's decision to appear, as those
employed to guard him after the fatwa was issued were being funded by the
taxpayer.
COMMENTS FROM THE WEBMASTER: Rushdie was a very good guest indeed. For a
man who had to spend years listening for every creak on the stairs, he was
relaxed, confident, charming and very droll. He also got on well with Paul, with
the two exchanging a hearty handshake after the programme. He had a nice line in
satire and was not afraid to satirise his own plight.
MARKS OUT OF TEN: Eight and a half.
SHOULD THEY INVITE HIM BACK? The fatwa was recently lifted, though
a small band of extremists still want his blood, so he's safer now and there's
no reason why his phone shouldn't ring again. He was very entertaining.
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