APPEARED:
KNOWN
AS: Backbench
Labour MP and the most high-profile black politician.
INTRODUCTION:
First
time round, Angus revealed that Abbott went to school with Clive Anderson and
Michael Portillo, and since leaving, she had been on Clive Anderson, but not on
Michael Portillo; on her second appearance, Angus quoted her admission that she
was unable to programme her video, so she will be furious when she finds she's
recorded this instead of "Friends".
BEST QUOTE: On
the OJ Simpson trial, which was ongoing, she said: "He's obviously
guilty" - which horrified Ian.
ANECDOTES:
Told
of how she went to school with Michael Portillo and the two acted together in
the drama group, with her playing the wife of Portillo's Macduff. Also revealed
that although Jonathan Aitken wasn't a friend of hers, he was godfather to her
son, claiming that all boys should have an 'interesting' godfather.
GIVEN A HARD TIME?
Ian
slaughtered her over the OJ comment, while Angus playfully suggested that
Portillo was trying to pull Abbott during their schooldays because Portillo
admitted later he only joined the drama group to get off with a girl. She looked
less than impressed.
OTHER OBSERVATIONS:
Like
her fellow Labour MPs Ken Livingstone and Bob Marshall-Andrews, Abbott
refreshingly refused to toe the party line on the show, whether in Government or
not. Great cleavage too.
COMMENTS FROM THE WEBMASTER:
Abbott
clearly has her priorities right in politics, putting her beliefs and
constituents ahead of her personal ambitions, as she has no hope in hell of
gaining high office if she continues to tell what she sees as the truth about
her own colleagues. She is not greatly witty, but is warm and uncompromising,
and when you consider some of the gross acts of political sycophancy the show
has seen down the years (Glenda Jackson take note), a political guest like
Abbott is a dream for all except Ian, who can't bully the truth out of
politicians if they decide to tell it willingly.
MARKS OUT OF TEN: Seven for her first appearance; eight for her second.
SHOULD THEY INVITE HER BACK?
Absolutely. She remains one of the few Labour backbenchers determined not to have her mind controlled by the powers-that-be.
APPEARED:
KNOWN AS:
Backbench
Conservative MP who lost his seat at the 1997 election, also a successful
fiction writer under the pseudonym of Nigel West.
Later sued the show and lost.
INTRODUCTION:
Angus
said that when Allason was writing spy books he was called Nigel West, while
when he was voting against the Government he was called something
unbroadcastable.
BEST QUOTE: Completed the headline FERGIE WAS ______: OFFICIAL with
"fat".
ANECDOTES: Told of how he was educated at a monastery, which prompted his
captain Alan Davies to ask about whether he was subjected to corporal punishment
for being naughty: "Did they pull your trousers down? Were you Rupert the
Bare?!".
GIVEN A HARD TIME? Allason was ribbed by Ian over their previous meetings
in court and his failure to 'bring the Government down' when it seemed he was
going to vote against them on a key issue.
He also made a rod for his own back when he failed to understand the
rules of the Missing Words round and particularly the frequency in which
headlines from the Guest Publication were used, forcing Angus to explain them to
him again.
OTHER OBSERVATIONS: Broke the mould with male politicians by being the
first one to appear on the show not wearing a suit, electing instead for a denim
shirt. He also had a brilliant
laugh, while his captain seemed to like him, even though Alan Davies is a devout
Labour supporter.
COMMENTS FROM THE WEBMASTER: Allason is articulate, well-informed and
down-to-earth and came across as a decent and principled man.
However, he didn't really get involved in the show enough, as he seemed
to be that rare breed of Conservative politician - one who possesses a sense of
humour. He laughed a lot and seemed
to thoroughly enjoy himself. He
appeared capable of being so much funnier and dominating, but didn't quite make
it, which was a shame.
MARKS OUT OF TEN: Seven.
SHOULD THEY INVITE HIM BACK? They wouldn't, after he unsuccessfully sued
the show over something they said in a later episode.
APPEARED:
Series 1, Episode 8 (with Paul Merton) 1990
KNOWN AS:
Maverick
backbench Labour MP who became Minister of Sport after the 1997 Election
victory.
Now on the backbenches again.
INTRODUCTION:
No
details of his first appearance; second time round, Angus said Banks got such a
huge response the last time he was on the show, they had him back so he could
apologise.
BEST QUOTE:
He
re-labelled an American judge accused of sexual indiscretions as "Judge
Clarence 'Guess The Size Of My John' Thomas".
ANECDOTES: None.
GIVEN A HARD TIME?
No.
OTHER OBSERVATIONS: None.
COMMENTS FROM THE WEBMASTER:
When
he gained a minor Cabinet role after the 1997 General Election, Banks went
through the next couple of years as a politician renowned for saying rather
stupid, ill-thought things.
No such evidence of that here, even though he had no pressure on him, as
he was a basic bankbench MP for the opposition party.
In fact, considering his known drollness and desire to be light-hearted
inpolitics, he was somewhat quiet, perhaps because he was sitting next to Paul
and was inexperienced in such an environment.
MARKS OUT OF TEN: Unable to score his first appearance; six.
SHOULD THEY INVITE HIM BACK?
Absolutely.
After his brief flirtation with proper responsibilities and his still
wonderful tendency to not toe the party line, he could prove an exceptional
guest.
APPEARED:
KNOWN
AS: Ageing
Conservative MP and former education minister and headmaster.
INTRODUCTION:
Angus
mentioned Boyson's famous belief in corporal punishment, adding that he was one
of the few MPs who didn't have a hidden agenda.
BEST QUOTE: Er....
ANECDOTES:
With
some depressing longevity, told of how journalist Bel Mooney wrote a very
flattering article about him when her name was mentioned during an Odd One Out
round. The boredom was alleviated slightly by Ian's wisecracks as he told the
story.
GIVEN A HARD TIME?
Yes,
though he didn't know it. He so didn't get the joke when Ian badgered him about
the said article or about his beliefs in corporal punishment. Fellow guest
Maureen Lipman was in tears of laughter, as were the audience by the sound of
it, but he thought they were laughing in amusement, as opposed to out of pity.
OTHER OBSERVATIONS:
Paul
needed to come up with some of his best visual gags to keep the audience
entertained while Boyson droned on.
COMMENTS FROM THE WEBMASTER:
He
agreed to go on the show, at which lesser politicians would have turned their
noses up, so he must be given credit for that. But did he actually know he was
on a quiz? He seemed to want to make it into a "vote for me" campaign
and it backfired spectacularly, though it did allow Angus, Paul and particularly
Ian to ridicule him to great effect, and Ian is at his best when there is
someone with him in the studio making an utter fool of himself.
MARKS OUT OF TEN: Three, just because he did manage to answer some
questions correctly - eventually.
SHOULD THEY INVITE HIM BACK? Anyone who decides a Boyson return is
a good idea should be sacked.
KNOWN AS:
Conservative
MP who lost his seat at the 1997 General Election.
Best known for his association with disgraced fellow MP Neil Hamilton,
with whom he took money to promote tobacco products. Openly homosexual, he
now writes for the Independent.
INTRODUCTION:
Angus
said Brown's hobbies were cricket and walking, so he should have been an England
batsman as he could have combined the two.
BEST QUOTE:
Under
pressure from Angus about his payment for promoting a tobacco product, Brown
said sheepishly: "Yeah, it wasn't my finest hour, was it?"
ANECDOTES:
He
struggled, though never stopped smiling, when Angus and Ian tortured him
verbally over his tobacco-related dealings with Neil Hamilton, which only ended
when he admitted his mistake, with great sincerity, with the above quote.
He also happily spoke at length about a scandal which a friend of his gay
lover told to the News Of The World, adding that he didn't care about it too
much as he had a great holiday.
GIVEN A HARD TIME?
See above.
OTHER OBSERVATIONS:
Brown had a permanent grin on his face.
COMMENTS FROM THE WEBMASTER:
Free
of political restraints, Brown was quite joyful to watch.
He got hammered by Angus and Ian over his sex scandal and his
cash-for-tobacco-promotion heartache, but rather openly admitted he had done
wrong and while he didn't quite apologise, he emerged with no little respect and
was more than prepared to have a good laugh at his own expense.
Though never that funny, he clearly knew what the programme was about,
what was expected of him and what lay in store for him in terms of grillings.
He deserves enormous praise for his honesty and willingness to come clean
over previous wrongdoings, and in the end, Ian seemed to quite like him.
MARKS OUT OF TEN:
Eight.
SHOULD THEY INVITE HIM BACK? Having
laid his ghosts to rest, he may yet be a guest who has a profound effect on the
show. Doubtful he would be invited,
but he wouldn't let anyone down.
APPEARED:
KNOWN AS:
Charismatic
Conservative MP and former Health Minister best remembered for her outburst
about salmonella in the egg industry. After losing her seat in 1997, she became
a broadcaster on BBC Radio 5 Live and also writes fiction.
INTRODUCTION:
First
time round, Angus mentioned that a judge once asked Currie if she wore
suspenders, if only to see if they both took the same size; on her second
appearance, Angus said she was due to star in a TV advert with a number of
Gameboys, until she found out they were just computer toys.
BEST
QUOTE: "I'm
listening to Ian Hislop choosing his words with care! It's amazing!"
ANECDOTES:
During
the Thatcher special, told loads of behind-the-scenes stories, or
"dirt" as Angus renamed it, about her antics and habits during her
time at No.10. They were fascinating too. Revealed that she and fellow guest
Derek Hatton were at school together.
GIVEN A HARD TIME?
Yes,
but laughed it off with some ease. Ian said she wouldn't have dared sue Private
Eye when she suggested he was glad she hadn't. Hatton clearly loathed her and
called her some rather unsubtle (and unfunny) names, though she rose above it
with grace. And she looked daggers at Kevin Day when he said he and Ian had more
points because the other team contained a Tory MP.
OTHER OBSERVATIONS:
Seemed
to like flirting with Paul. Whether it was the same vice versa is difficult to
tell, but he seemed to enjoy her competitive streak.
COMMENTS FROM THE WEBMASTER:
Currie
has been satirised as many things in the past because she was unafraid to speak
her mind during her political career, yet her two appearances showed she had
genuine wit, buckets of charisma and a thick skin when it came to being
ridiculed. She also found everyone genuinely funny, even at her expense, and was
unafraid to laugh loudly. At the time, she was a rare breed - a politician with
a personality and a sense of humour, and those attributes made her a very
polished guest.
MARKS OUT OF TEN: Eight and eight.
SHOULD THEY INVITE HER BACK? Yes. She and Ian have good, clean
slanging matches and there must be more things they have yet to cover. Her guts
in admitting the Conservatives were doomed before the 1997 election would also
make good viewing if she returned.
APPEARED:
KNOWN AS:
As
Bill Deedes, he was a former Conservative housing minister and early spin
doctor, later becoming a political journalist. Famous for being the Bill
featured in Private Eye's "Dear Bill" letters from Denis Thatcher,
Lord Deedes is a former editor of the Daily Telegraph, and at
86, he is currently the oldest guest in the show's history.
INTRODUCTION:
Angus
said he wanted to be seen with someone younger and more beautiful than him, so
as he was with Ian, he only got one half of that wish.
BEST QUOTE: After
revealing he took a couple of purple hearts before a speech, he added: "But
I didn't inhale."
ANECDOTES:
Talked
at length about the stress of being married to the Prime Minister meant he had
to get Denis Thatcher away on golfing trips as often as possible. Also spoke
about his experimentation with drugs, his dance with the then Miss World in the
early 1970s and his role as "Minister for Propaganda", as Ian put it.
GIVEN A HARD TIME?
He
was so lovable that no-one really went too far with him, though when he
ignorantly yet innocently commented about not being a transvestite, to the
shocked shrieks from the audience, Paul had to pick up on that.
OTHER OBSERVATIONS:
Seemed
to drift away from the show a lot, as if he wasn't paying attention. Maybe his
age had something to do with that.
COMMENTS FROM THE WEBMASTER:
Despite
being well into his 80s and with a stressful and eventful life behind him,
Deedes still had a glint in his eye and a rather adorable vagueness which amused
everyone else, not least the audience. He answered the questions and gave a good
insight into some of his past escapades with a refreshing frankness. He
contributed well to the last episode of the 20th century.
MARKS OUT OF TEN: Seven and a half.
SHOULD THEY INVITE HIM BACK? Yes, but pair him with Paul. It would
be fascinating to see how they get on.
Back
to top of page / Back
to Guest List Intro