In this section are a few classic moments and rounds from the show's ten year history for you to relive again. Eventually, we hope to transcribe something from every episode we own. The transcribed pieces have been linked in the Episode Guide to the episode/round from which they are taken.
Where necessary we have included visual aids in the form of screen grabs taken from the actual show to illustrate the transcripts. As a consequence, it may take a little while for some of the pages to load up, so please do bear with us!
If there is any great moment you remember which you would like to see transcribed,
please e-mail the Webmaster.
A Bank And A W**k Meets A Wench And A Bench
The quintet discuss, among other things, a new soft porn
magazine
especially for the
lonely lady.
Stephen Fry is pestered about his invitation to Prince Edward's wedding.
The
quartet chew the fat over four tasty topical titbits. The waiter, a Mr Angus
Deayton, was not given a tip.
Angus Joins The Mother Teresa Appreciation Society
Gasps all round as Angus gets tasteless about the Saint of Calcutta.
Angus is a gay icon. According to Gyles Brandreth he is, anyway...
The
editor of Viz and the foremost feminist of our times lead the way in a
brilliant debate about student scams and skimpy clothing.
Danny
Baker blasts the decision to omit Paul Gascoigne from England's World
Cup squad.
Blips
From The Skips
The captains suffer a rare
outwitting as PJ O'Rourke and Craig Charles fill the blanks
Boris
At Boiling Point
There, there Mr Johnson, that
nasty Hislop man honestly isn't trying to humiliate you. The transcript of that
legendary spat in full.
Bottles, Bills And Brown Suits
Please
form an orderly queue if you wish to slag off Angus's choice of wardrobe. Thank
you.
Campaigns, Call-Girls, Concerts & Communism
Archer and the DPP probably regretted their shenanigans after this round.
Richard Whiteley's not-so-wild student days.
The quintet discuss Pinochet's arrest and Blue Peter's drugs scandal. Here's a transcript we made earlier.
Old Tories bugger up their big speeches. That's always good for a laugh.
Got
a problem? No-one to turn to? At the end of your tether? Well, don't ask Martin
Clunes or
Neil Morrissey for advice...
Fire, Feathers, Fugitives and Fritz
The
quintet discuss, among other things, the decision to open Buck House to the
public.
The lovable octogenarian tells of his slow dances with Miss World and discusses his own modelling and acting credentials. And to think he used to edit the Telegraph, too...
Tom Baker reveals his desire to smell of new bread, fresh coffee and bonfires. That would scare the hell out of the Daleks...
Gaps
And Claps
Just a plethora
of great blank-filling
Mind your language, Ian! And you, Paul! And Germaine...oh, we give up...
Gourmets, Glue, Gifts and Gadaffi
Meera Syal reveals one of her flawless sexual secrets. Which we assume isn't true.
Harry Enfield accuses Clive Anderson of being rude and vulgar. And not a pot nor kettle in sight, honest...
Happy
Families
Paul is reunited with the mummy
who gave him up for a career as a ladel-wielding, motorcycle-riding fat lady
Despite pressure from everyone, Fiona Armstrong refuses to swear on TV. Damn...
*NEW* Mad, Stupid Or Just Very Brave? *NEW*
A
week is a long time in politics, particularly if you are Neil Hamilton and a
week earlier you had lost your seat amid sleaze allegations.
Maybe It's Because I'm A Londoner
Buildings in London...so anyone from Dewsbury will love this round, then...
A brilliant Missing Words round...and the first appearance of something called a 'Guest Publication'.
Never
Mind The Politics...Here Are The Hamsters
Who
would have thought the humble hamster could inspire such a stimulating and
intellectual discussion?
Hope Jeffrey saw the funny side of this round. We think it's unlikely though.
That Bordes woman did get around a bit, didn't she? And to, er, fill us in, here's Ian Hislop.
So just why was Paul upset when the Bishop of Galway fathered a love child?
Planet
Uranus And Hislop's Anus
Great banter as Patrick Moore
proves he isn't mad and Phil Hammond demonstrates he isn't sadistic.
Honestly.
Pregnant Man With Extra Toes Walks On Water At Tesco's
Well,
not quite.
But top-rate discussion all the same on four bizarre Fleet Street
stories.
Ever thought about what it would be like to have a hedgehog or a fish instead of a penis? Paul has.
Alexei Sayle tries to unseat Angus from his position as King of the Voice Overs. And succeeds
One
week after his infamous bong in the bog, Will Self talks about the Queen Mother
having a child with Phil Collins. Anyone for rehab?
Brian Sewell reveals a little too much knowledge about tarts' cards in phone boxes
This is John Simpson, BBC News, stoned out of his brain in a jungle with semi-naked men. Now back to the studio.
Tabloid
Tales With The Tub Of Lard
The show's most famous guest
retains a proud silence as four less dignified urchins hammer the headlines.
Sir Teddy Taylor hates Europe, but loves the sounds of Jamaica, man...
Televisual Clips, Political Quips, Genital Snips
As
the panellists try to decipher how a Labour Government would affect the
nation's soap stars, somehow the subject of vasectomy surgery comes up.
Ian.
Paula. A slight tiff. The stuff of television legend.
The
BBC's political bigwig dumps the impartiality clause to steal the show.
We Shall Fight Them For Their Riches
Ian decides it's "Question Time" and slags off the National Lottery board in a rare moment of genuine gravity
George Melly did NOT seduce Peregrine Worsthorne at school. As he was only too happy to tell.
Jonathan
Ross gets far too competitive. Or in other words, he's annoyed because
Paul's too good.