A: This is the Odd One Out Round, and you're welcome to it.
Paul, your legendary brutes - Clark Gable; Cerberus; a mayfly; and Tony
Blair.
PICTURED:
Top: (L) Clark Gable; (R) Cerberus
Bottom:
(L) a mayfly; (R) Tony Blair
P:
Well, whoever owns that dog has got to feed it three times a day - look at it!
Has it just got one arse? Three heads, one arse, that's going to create a
build-up isn't it?
A: According to Greek legend, it has only one arse, yes.
P: Really? Well, can we trust the Greeks on this one?
A: I wouldn't trust a Greek anywhere near a dog's arse, no.
This is Cerberus.
P: Does it bark in unison, like the Beverley Sisters?
A: I've never met him, so I don't know! He guards the entrance to Hades.
P: Well, why would anyone want to go into Hades? Why
do you have to guard the entrance? It's
a terrible place. Everyone knows
Hell's a terrible place - "Oh, I've got to go on there, oh no there's a
three-headed dog, I won't bother"! What's
the point? If he was guarding the
entrance to Waitrose, I'd understand! That's
a supermarket, it's good. No-one
wants to break into Hades. Why
would he be guarding the entrance?
I: In the entrance there's the worst bit of Hades and then there's the fields of
the blessed, which is quite a good place to go.
T: Yeah, there are seven levels of Hell!
P: Are there?
T: Yeah, the lowest one is called Malabolge! Yes,
absolutely! I am terribly pleased
about that.
M: Are you?
T: I've been wanting to say that for 60 years!
A: Glad we gave you the opportunity.
P: I don't know what it is, but when I see a shot of Ian and Tom sitting
together, Ian looks about twelve!
I: I keep getting letters from people saying I'm in an advert for BBC childrens'
television!
P: Is the odd one out Clark Gable?
A: Oh, the odd one out, yes, I'd almost forgotten.
No it isn't.
M: What about the deodorant thing, is that a clue? He's
got a great bit wet patch, you're just ignoring it!
A: It's not a million miles away from the answer.
M: Oh, the deodorant, right.
A: It's about something Zoë Ball said about Tony Blair.
P: Ah, now is it something to do with vests?
M: Bad breath?
A: What am I going to say next Paul?
(Paul mouths 'in what way')
I: No?
P: Something to do with vests, no? Nothing
to do with vests?
A: In what way?
P: Did you enjoy that moment of glory? Was
it like being in showbiz for a moment?
A: It concerns a certain feature of the mayfly.
I: The mayfly only lives for 24 hours.
A: Yes, that's one of the interesting features.
I: Is it the other one that the question concerns?
A: Yes.
I: I thought it would be because you had that smug look on your face.
A: But well done for saying it only lives for 24 hours.
M: Cerberus had bad breath, didn't he?
P: Cerberus had very bad breath, yeah.
M: And Clark Gable might have bad breath as well.
I: So they've all been accused of having bad breath except Cerberus, who had
charming breath!
A: Three dog-heads - it'd be liable to have dog breath three times over! So
given that, who would be the odd one out do you think?
P: The dog.
I: The mayfly.
P: Who cares? Who cares?!
I: Tony! Tony!
P: I'm 6-1 up with one programme to go - who cares? I know, it's toffee apple! I
can say what I like!
A: It is in fact the mayfly.
P: Really? Why?
A: Because it has no mouth.
M: And you're saying Blair has bad breath?
A: According to Zoë Ball, yes. Weren't
you worried about body odour at one stage?
T: Who, me?
A: Yes. You asked the Body Shop, I
think.
T: Well, I went into the Body Shop, and they're all so terribly humourless, and
there was this boring girl and I said: "I'm really tired, I've tried Pears
soap, I've tried carbolic soap, and I'd really like to smell of new bread.
Do you do new bread?" And she said: "No sir, we don't do new
bread." I said: "Well, surely you can synthesise anything.
Well, what about fresh coffee?" "No,
we don't do fresh coffee." "Christ love," I said, "I live in
the country - I'd really like to smell like a bonfire." For sentimental
reasons - I once went out with a girl who smelt like a bonfire!
I: She was a witch was she?!
T: She may have been a witch, but ooh, she was a goer!
A: Yes, anyway in addition to bad breath Tony Blair also has a genetic
abnormality - a Simeon line on each hand. According
to one palm-reading expert: "This indicates that Blair is zealous,
obsessive and has tremendous will-power. Even
Baroness Thatcher lacked this mark." Well, she may have had it, just
couldn't tell through the hair on her palms.
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