A: Paul and Brian...
PICTURED:
Film footage shown of Jack Straw, a court jury and tarts' cards in phone boxes
P: Clearly Jack Straw, the Home Secretary, walking through a nice shopping
centre. That's the Old Bailey...
B: It's the jury thing...
P: ...there's the jury. He wants to
get rid of them. Wants to get rid
of trial by jury. And this is...
B: Oh yes. What a silly man.
I mean, these are such innocent fun, you know.
I actually got rid of somebody by putting one of those cards in a
telephone box some years ago. A
very tiresome young man down the road played loud music until two o'clock in the
morning, so I put his telephone number and 'Transvestite' there!
A: Does he know you did this?
B: No. If he's watching he'll know
now!
P: It's a clamp on tarts' cards.
A: It is.
I: You can't ring them and then go to their place any more.
They have to come out on the streets looking for business.
It's an attempt to inject a bit of work ethic into England's prostitutes. It's a wake-up call - 'come on you lazy slappers, get out
there!'
P: Decent day's pay for a decent day's lay!
B: Have you ever tried ringing them?
P: Yeah, they're always engaged aren't they?
B: No they're not.
P: Aren't they?!
B: If you ring one that says, for example, 'delicious, dark-skinned
Barbadan, fresh in town'...
M: Wants to know about cricket.
B: Maybe, maybe. And you have a
conversation and it's sort of unsatisfactory in terms of bargaining power, then
you look further down the list and there's a 'delicious Scandinavian Miss Whip',
and you ring her, and you begin the conversation and the voice at the other end
says: "Haven't I just been talking to you?"
P: You mean there's only one prostitute in London?
B: Yes!
P: She must be rushed off her feet - and I could use a better word than rushed!
I once saw a card in an newsagent's window which said 'Massage in the
Oval area'.
PICTURED:
Paul emphasises what he saw in the
window
A: So the other part of the question which involved trial by jury, as you
accurately pointed out.
P: Yes, it's been going on for eight hundred years and Jack Straw thinks some
people abuse the system so he wants to try and get rid of it.
I: It's for middling offenders. It's
just an attempt to save money.
P: Middling offenders? Are people
still turning to middling to make money?
I: Yep!
P: The casualties, the people who have lost their lives to middling!
A: Mr Straw promises that he will punish individuals severely using strict
new measures, as indeed does Naughty Natalie on 0171 734 699.
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