AD: Alan, four incompatibles for you:
PICTURED: Top (L) Peregrine Worsthorne; (R) Cary Grant
Bottom (L) John Simpson; (R) Colin Angus, lead singer of the Shamen
J: Be very careful what you're saying!
AD: Why, are you a fan of the Shamen?
P: That's a nasty wart he's got there.
AC: I think they could be fertility drug quadruplets born to Barbara Cartland.
But they're not.
I also think...ah, it's just occurred to me that John Simpson is no
stranger to the weed.
He has danced naked in the jungle with something up his hooter.
And...and...
J: Is this the time to walk out or do I wait till later?
AC: Well, I know very little about modern stars of the video.
Would they take drugs, do you suppose?
I: What - Peregrine Worsthorne?
AD: It is drugs, yes.
I can tell you that much.
AC: Well I know Grant took them.
He always had that fixed smile on his face because if he changed it the
back of his nose fell out.
And I'm sure Peregrine Worsthorne, despite the hat, has never taken
anything.
I: Well have you read the Sunday Telegraph?
They're on something!
AC: Well is Worsthorne the odd one out because he doesn't do stuff?
AD: It's a perfect answer, yes.
J: Am I allowed to...
AD: To chip in?
J: Er, I was in the jungle, I was in the jungle...
PICTURED:
John describes his exploits in the jungle
P: I was in the jungle!
There was nothing on the telly, I was bored...
J: ...it seemed a good idea at the time...
P: ...okay, so I smoked a few trees!
J: Half-naked savages came towards me waving implements - that was the
television crew - they boiled up some stuff, I drank it.
I thought I was going to see the secret of the universe, but it is
actually true that a six foot goldfish put his flipper around my shoulders.
I think this is the time to tell you that he had dark glasses and a straw
hat, and said 'How's it going, man?' And I said 'fine thanks', and he then
evaporated, and there rests the case for the defence, m'lud!
PICTURED:
John demonstrates the actions of a six foot goldfish...
P: It might well be the secret of the universe.
J: Do you think it is?
P: Yeah, I mean the fish that was caught in the Queen Mother's throat might have
been trying to communicate with us.
'All You Need Is Love' or something.
J: Was that six foot?
P: It wasn't by the time she had finished chewing it, no.
I: Is that the only time you've been stoned?
J: Er...can we just talk this over privately afterwards?
AD: Well, we'll sort this out later.
Yes, the answer, you may remember, is that they have all taken hallucinogenic
drugs except Sir Peregrine Worsthorne, whose parents presumably must have taken
something before they named him.
Sir Peregrine once expressed a desire to try LSD, and also said that Mrs
Thatcher was the finest leader this country had ever had.
Sounds like he doesn't need any LSD.
John Simpson here, whilst working in the South American jungle as we heard, took
mind-expanding drugs.
He said, "Lights spread and grew in my head and a nearby tree turned
into the Great Ishtar Gate of Babylon.”
J: It seemed like a good idea at the time!
AD: John Simpson, BBC News...
J: Somewhere in Babylon!
A: Yes, yes.
P: You haven't got any left have you?
J: See me afterwards.
There's a little man out there with no clothes on.
PICTURED:
John points to a naked little man...
P: Is there?
J: Yep.
AD: And so...
I: Is that Martin Bell?
J: Only after you have had a few drinks!
P: I'm just wondering - are we here or is this just a trip you're having?
J: No, it's a trip, yeah, it's a trip...
PICTURED: John reassures Paul
P: No, this can't be real - we're losing, look!
AD: No, it's real, I assure you!
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