A: Round One is traditionally the way we like to unsettle our guests. Four disarmingly obvious stories. Paul and Will...
PICTURED:
Film footage of Jacques Santer and the 'Newsnight'
swingometer
P: Er, somebody...well there's a man getting out of a car.
W: I think the first person there, the man getting out of the car was Jacques
Santer, the man who would be King of a united Europe, and he has to marry the
Queen Mother, and she's already married to Phil Collins.
I: Can someone check the toilet?!
PICTURED:
Ian searches for someone to inspect the lavatory facilities
P: It's probably all gone by now! No, the Queen Mother is married to Phil
Collins!
W: Yeah, and they're going to have a baby!
P: Yeah!
W: Using a very artificial technique.
A: Right.
W: And then you've got Peter Snow with his virtual reality penis.
A: I always thought it was called a swingometer!
W: It depends which way you hang, which way you hang.
PICTURED:
Will decides on which way he hangs
A: Right, I'm beginning to understand.
I: Do you have the feeling that tonight we're the straight team, Hugh?
H: I had some beer once!
I: Well, that's you sacked then!
P: The Tories, in a couple of polls, have suddenly closed the gap on Labour, it
seems, because of people's worry about what is going to happen under Labour in
Europe.
A: Yes, suddenly in at the death with the right answer!
John Major said he had a message for Britain's European partners, that he
would wreck the Amsterdam conference, even if it meant taking on all the
leaders, all fourteen of them. At which point Norma pulled him back, screaming:
"Leave it John, they're not worth it."
Back to Top / Back to Transcripts Intro Page / Back to Intro Page
